Hi Agnes, I'm going to try this a little bit at a time. I want to be careful, because I think English is not your first language? and maybe you are not saying what you think you are. This is not meant as a put down, your English is very good, but I have a friend from Ecuador whose first language is Spanish and if we are not careful, we can really confuse ourselves. =)
> I am not afraid of sitting down and facing the wall for long time, what I am afraid > is not able to sense and know when it's happened. **I'm not at all sure what you are talking about here. I don't think you are not aware of when you sit down facing a wall, so you must be referring to something else. For me, not knowing is more horrify than knowing, because the processing of searching to know helps me to make decision of each step to take; but not knowing will make me fly as an endless fly. I want to learn and maintain my capability to smile when the day is dark and depressed. ** >Not knowing< is sometimes used in Zen to signify non-conceptuality, which is different from ignorance or stupidity, which is how not knowing is commonly used. This is a place where a common term has a slightly different meaning than the "technical" term. For the time being, let's just say that the Zen >not knowing< arises in meditation, when the mental chatter gets quiet. On the other hand, recognizing that we really don't know what's going to happen from moment to moment is deeply frightening. It's a fundamental, instinctual uneasiness that generally drives all our actions. Rather than forever trying to make the unease go away by following greed and ill-will, in meditation we sit down and get comfortable with it. Thoroughly coming to know the various threads of how this unease drives us is part of the liberation process. > What have happened in my previous life that I don't know, besides it has already happened, so why bother to dig the 'why' questions all the time? What will happen in the next life is not in entirely in my hands to control; ONLY this moment is in my hands. Sometimes it is useful to know why and sometimes not. As we sit, we begin to see how "this moment" touches eternity, is never separate and is conditioned by past and future. The teachings are that your next life is your responsibility; your actions now determine your future karma or mental environment. > Those who love and have been kind to me, I remember them always with heartedly gratitude; but to those have hurt and hammed me down, my appreciations to them are even greater because they helped me to become a better person, wiser and learned to accept the learning as a part of passages in this life, that I shouldn't have anger or revenge but forgiveness heart and mind. Yes, that is the very best way to arise. I am very glad you have cultivated it. Agnes, I hope these remarks have helped. Please always remember I am a student too, and my understanding may not be correct. I can only try to convey what I have been taught, and generally try to stick to what I have realized in my own practice. The ability to quote others is useful, but it does not confer wisdom, compassion, or enlightenment. If any of us here on this list are able to help you, it's only through the kindness of our teachers. Blessings, Ryunen ------------------------ Yahoo! Groups Sponsor --------------------~--> $9.95 domain names from Yahoo!. Register anything. http://us.click.yahoo.com/J8kdrA/y20IAA/yQLSAA/S27xlB/TM --------------------------------------------------------------------~-> Noble Eightfold Path: Right View, Right Intention, Right Speech, Right Action, Right Effort, Right Mindfulness, Right Concentration, Right Livelihood Yahoo! Groups Links <*> To visit your group on the web, go to: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ZenForum/ <*> To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to: [EMAIL PROTECTED] <*> Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to: http://docs.yahoo.com/info/terms/
