OLD MAN, IN CHAIR
He sat in a chair by the window,
Dressed in black, as for a funeral. (drop 'as for a funeral' – 'black – shows: 'funeral' – tells )
The slanting winter sun lit up his hair
And the thin hands; all else was in shadow.
As if listening to a distant voice
That we could not hear, he stared at the sky
Captured in the small panes of the window.
The sky stared back blankly, reflected
In those empty eyes. I waited,
Wondering what to say to a man
So imprisoned by his deafness
That he had almost ceased to speak,
Had immured himself in silence. (break the verse here )
Suddenly he came alive: Do you know,
He said, eyes bright, laughing,
Someone rang me from France to tell me
He was going down the road to the pub. (again another break is needed here)
For a moment he was animated.
Then he relapsed. (pause or an enjambment is needed here for change of narrator)Who had rung him?
He wouldn't say, remained silent,
And once more gazed out of the window
With empty eyes, listening for a phone-call,
And a voice that only he could hear.
please do make suggestions, that's why post them. i have revised this but have posted the unrevised version to see what else comes up.many thanks.apologies, my shift key has stuck and refuses to let me have caps..janeliked the old mancan i make a suggestion or two?
On 11/15/05, jane bhandari <[EMAIL PROTECTED] > wrote:reading the little collection of poems about father I was moved to post my own. My father died after suffering strokes and Parkinson's for several years. I would see him roughly twice a year, so the decline was more marked. This poem is really a painting: I have a photograph of him in exactly this pose.
OLD MAN, IN CHAIRHe sat in a chair by the window,Dressed in black, as for a funeral.The slanting winter sun lit up his hairAnd the thin hands; all else was in shadow.As if listening to a distant voiceThat we could not hear, he stared at the skyCaptured in the small panes of the window.The sky stared back blankly, reflectedIn those empty eyes. I waited,Wondering what to say to a manSo imprisoned by his deafnessThat he had almost ceased to speak,Had immured himself in silence.Suddenly he came alive: Do you know,He said, eyes bright, laughing,Someone rang me from France to tell meHe was going down the road to the pub.For a moment he was animated.Then he relapsed. Who had rung him?He wouldn't say, remained silent,And once more gazed out of the windowWith empty eyes, listening for a phone-call,And a voice that only he could hear.This second poem was written at about the same time as my other 'dead leaf' poems.DEAD LEAVESI think of dead leavesPiling up in corners,Filling gutters,Soaking up rain and bad weather,Lying sodden and useless.The old man my fatherBuried under the dry leavesOf myriad small strokes.Until the last leaf fallsInto silence.And the dead leaves shuffle,Until the silence is filledWith the whisper of death,The rattle of dry twigsThe rattle of Death's heelsApproaching
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