----- Original Message ----- >
>
> >Subject: Should they marry?
> >Date: Fri, 5 Mar 2004 11:15:16 EST
> >
> >REPUBLICANISM SHOWN TO BE GENETIC IN ORIGIN
> >
> >The discovery that affiliation with the Republican Party is
genetically
> >determined was announced by scientists in the current issue of
the
> >journal NURTURE, causing uproar among traditionalists who
believe it is
> >a chosen lifestyle.
> >
> >Reports of the gene coding for political conservatism,
discovered after
> >a decades-long study of quintuplets in Orange County, CA, has
sent shock
> >waves through the medical, political, and golfing communities.
> >
> >Psychologists and psychoanalysts have long believed that
Republicans'
> >unnatural disregard for the poor and frequently
unconstitutional
> >tendencies resulted from dysfunctional family dynamics -- a
remarkably
> >high percentage of Republicans do have authoritarian
domineering fathers
> >and emotionally distant mothers who didn't teach them how to
be kind and
> >gentle.
> >
> >Biologists have long suspected that conservatism is inherited.
"After
> >all," said one author of the NURTURE article, "It's quite
common for a
> >Republican to have a brother or sister who is a Republican."
> >
> >The finding has been greeted with relief by Parents and
Friends of
> >Republicans (PFREP), who sometimes blame themselves for the
political
> >views of otherwise lovable children, family, and unindicted
> >co-conspirators.
> >
> >One mother, a longtime Democrat, wept and clapped her hands in
ecstasy
> >on hearing of the findings. "I just knew it was genetic," she
said,
> >seated with her two sons, both avowed Republicans. "My boys
would never
> >freely choose that lifestyle!"
> >
> >When asked what the Republican lifestyle was, she said, "You
can just
> >tell watching their conventions in Houston and San Diego on
TV: the
> >flaming xenophobia, flamboyant demagogy, disdain for anyone
not rich,
> >you know."
> >
> >Both sons had suspected their Republicanism from an early age
but did
> >not confirm it until they were in college, when they became
convinced it
> >wasn't just a phase they were going through.
> >
> >The NURTURE article offered no response to the suggestion that
the high
> >incidence of Republicanism among siblings could result from
their
> >sharing not only genes but also psychological and emotional
attitude as
> >products of the same parents and family dynamics.
> >
> >A remaining mystery is why many Democrats admit to having
voted
> >Republican at least once -- or often dream or fantasize about
doing so.
> >Polls show that three out of five adult Democrats have had a
Republican
> >experience, although most outgrow teenage experimentation with
> >Republicanism.
> >
> >Some Republicans hail the findings as a step toward
eliminating
> >conservophobia. They argue that since Republicans didn't
"choose" their
> >lifestyle any more than someone "chooses" to have a ski-jump
nose, they
> >shouldn't be denied civil rights which other minorities enjoy.
> >
> >If conservatism is not the result of stinginess or orneriness
(typical
> >stereotypes attributed to Republicans) but is something
Republicans
> >can't help, there's no reason why society shouldn't tolerate
Republicans
> >in the military or even high elected office -- provided they
don't
> >flaunt their political beliefs.
> >
> >For many Americans, the discovery opens a window on a
different future.
> >In a few years, gene therapy might eradicate Republicanism
altogether.

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