----- Original Message ----- > > > >Subject: Should they marry? > >Date: Fri, 5 Mar 2004 11:15:16 EST > > > >REPUBLICANISM SHOWN TO BE GENETIC IN ORIGIN > > > >The discovery that affiliation with the Republican Party is genetically > >determined was announced by scientists in the current issue of the > >journal NURTURE, causing uproar among traditionalists who believe it is > >a chosen lifestyle. > > > >Reports of the gene coding for political conservatism, discovered after > >a decades-long study of quintuplets in Orange County, CA, has sent shock > >waves through the medical, political, and golfing communities. > > > >Psychologists and psychoanalysts have long believed that Republicans' > >unnatural disregard for the poor and frequently unconstitutional > >tendencies resulted from dysfunctional family dynamics -- a remarkably > >high percentage of Republicans do have authoritarian domineering fathers > >and emotionally distant mothers who didn't teach them how to be kind and > >gentle. > > > >Biologists have long suspected that conservatism is inherited. "After > >all," said one author of the NURTURE article, "It's quite common for a > >Republican to have a brother or sister who is a Republican." > > > >The finding has been greeted with relief by Parents and Friends of > >Republicans (PFREP), who sometimes blame themselves for the political > >views of otherwise lovable children, family, and unindicted > >co-conspirators. > > > >One mother, a longtime Democrat, wept and clapped her hands in ecstasy > >on hearing of the findings. "I just knew it was genetic," she said, > >seated with her two sons, both avowed Republicans. "My boys would never > >freely choose that lifestyle!" > > > >When asked what the Republican lifestyle was, she said, "You can just > >tell watching their conventions in Houston and San Diego on TV: the > >flaming xenophobia, flamboyant demagogy, disdain for anyone not rich, > >you know." > > > >Both sons had suspected their Republicanism from an early age but did > >not confirm it until they were in college, when they became convinced it > >wasn't just a phase they were going through. > > > >The NURTURE article offered no response to the suggestion that the high > >incidence of Republicanism among siblings could result from their > >sharing not only genes but also psychological and emotional attitude as > >products of the same parents and family dynamics. > > > >A remaining mystery is why many Democrats admit to having voted > >Republican at least once -- or often dream or fantasize about doing so. > >Polls show that three out of five adult Democrats have had a Republican > >experience, although most outgrow teenage experimentation with > >Republicanism. > > > >Some Republicans hail the findings as a step toward eliminating > >conservophobia. They argue that since Republicans didn't "choose" their > >lifestyle any more than someone "chooses" to have a ski-jump nose, they > >shouldn't be denied civil rights which other minorities enjoy. > > > >If conservatism is not the result of stinginess or orneriness (typical > >stereotypes attributed to Republicans) but is something Republicans > >can't help, there's no reason why society shouldn't tolerate Republicans > >in the military or even high elected office -- provided they don't > >flaunt their political beliefs. > > > >For many Americans, the discovery opens a window on a different future. > >In a few years, gene therapy might eradicate Republicanism altogether.
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