I am having a little..... no ...... a lot of difficulty today with
anger.
I gave my employees a priority list today.
A list geared so that a ten year old could understand it.
Nothing was done in order, nothing was done correctly and most of what
I asked was not done at all.
I completely exploded when I showed up at the job site this afternoon.
I was furious.
I don't do furious and I don't explode.
Perhaps things are coming to a head and I am realizing that I can not
rely on others.
One thing that really gets me bent is the fact that they are all so
much in the dark.
Eating, drinking, fucking, and sleeping is all they seem to care
about.
There like animals at times. Me me me mine mine mine
Perhaps I need "employees" with a raised or slightly higher
consciousness than what my current employees have.
I have pointed to the problems over and over but they just don't seem
to get it or care.
Perhaps my standards are too high.
Perhaps it is all my fault for letting fuck ups and mistakes slide so
easily.
Perhaps they have learned that they can get away with what ever they
want because Bob is nice.
I do believe that within all this chaos there is something unraveling.
Unfortunately I am so filled with anger and a sense of betrayal that I
can not see it.
I am confused at how I can let another influence my mood today.
I am not an angry person.
My head hurts.
Just venting, thanks to those for reading.
Sorry for being so much off the subject of non- dual, but that is one
of the things that is bothering me too.
I mean, seeing them fuck up and act so irresponsibly ...... Is that
part of me?
Do I actually have some of those qualities?
Am I to learn from this and find these hidden quirks within and
correct them?
Ok ...... Now my head hurts more.
