Thanks David, I think those are both good editorial changes that need to be made in any subsequent version.
~Chris On Mon, Jul 8, 2013 at 4:10 PM, David Farmer <[email protected]> wrote: > On 7/8/13 17:02 , David Farmer wrote: >> >> My first reaction is I mostly like the update, but I immediately see a >> few nits; > > > I launched my first reaction a little too soon; more below. > > >> On 7/8/13 16:34 , ARIN wrote: >> ... >>> >>> Draft Policy ARIN-2013-4 >>> RIR Principles >>> >>> Policy Statement (v2 8 July 2013): >>> >>> Section 0: Principles and Goals of the Internet Registry System >>> >>> 0.1. Registration >> >> >> Both Registration & Conservation are identified as sub-sections 0.1. >> >>> The principle of registration guarantees the uniqueness of Internet >>> number resources. >>> >>> Provision of this public registry documenting Internet number resource >>> allocation, reallocation, assignment, and reassignment is necessary: >>> >>> a) to ensure uniqueness and to to provide operational staff with >>> information on who is using each number resource, >> >> >> There is an implied and between each of these, so make a) a compound >> clause seems unnecessary and somewhat confusing. I'd suggest split a) >> into two, shifting the rest down, proving; >> >> a) to ensure uniqueness, >> b) to provide operational staff with information on who is using each >> number resource, >> >> This provides more punch to a) and just seems cleaner. >> >>> b) to provide a contact in case of operational/security problems, >>> c) to provide the transparency required to ensure that Internet number >>> resources are efficiently utilized, and >>> d) to assist in IP allocation studies. > > > It's even worse that I initially saw, the second clause of a) duplicates b) > > so it should be; > > a) to ensure uniqueness, > > b) to provide a contact in case of operational/security problems, > c) to provide the transparency required to ensure that Internet number > resources are efficiently utilized, and > d) to assist in IP allocation studies. > >>> 0.1. Conservation >> >> >> Again, both Registration & Conservation are identified as sub-sections >> 0.1. I'd suggest making Conservation sub-sections 0.2, and shifting the >> rest down. >> >> ... >> > > > -- > ================================================ > David Farmer Email: [email protected] > Office of Information Technology > University of Minnesota > 2218 University Ave SE Phone: 1-612-626-0815 > Minneapolis, MN 55414-3029 Cell: 1-612-812-9952 > ================================================ > _______________________________________________ > PPML > You are receiving this message because you are subscribed to > the ARIN Public Policy Mailing List ([email protected]). > Unsubscribe or manage your mailing list subscription at: > http://lists.arin.net/mailman/listinfo/arin-ppml > Please contact [email protected] if you experience any issues. -- @ChrisGrundemann http://chrisgrundemann.com _______________________________________________ PPML You are receiving this message because you are subscribed to the ARIN Public Policy Mailing List ([email protected]). Unsubscribe or manage your mailing list subscription at: http://lists.arin.net/mailman/listinfo/arin-ppml Please contact [email protected] if you experience any issues.
