Re: requesting ideas for a new game by UltraSound
It's kind of hard for anyone to give you suggestions about what genre of game you want to create if you yourself have no idea what direction you want to take it in.
Here's some food for thought, though. If you actually do enjoy programming, why not start by building a project for yourself? Don't think about whether the masses will enjoy it. Think of what you would like to see in an audio game, but don't set such high expectations that you can't possibly achieve it. Don't try to make a Grand Theft Auto clone or something, as an example, but do try to think of something that you've always wanted to play, and see if you can make it happen. If you channel your energy into doing something that you enjoy, it might spark some motivation within you, and give you the courage to slowly start introducing it to people. You could, for example, show the game to a trusted friend, someone who you know won't criticize you and tell you that you suck, bu t will offer constructive feedback. If that person approves of the direction you're going in, and maybe even compliments you, your programming skills, or the concept in general, that's going to feel really, really good. We all enjoy getting compliments, but especially for someone who has depression, they can literally be a lifesaver in times of great despair.
So, then, of course, you can keep going at your own pace, introducing it to as few or as many people as you like until you feel confident that the audio gaming community as a whole might like it. Of course, you're never going to please everybody, and that's to be expected. But you can at least know that there are people out there who enjoy your game, and the haters are more than likely just trolling.
Regarding the actual depression, though, as others have said, this is going to be your biggest enemy. As someone who has dealt with recurring depression throughout my life, I can empathize with what you're going through. I, too, go through times when I feel that nothing I do is good enough for anybody, so why should I even bother? I don't know if programming a game will be the answer for you. In fact, I can guarantee that it won't eliminate your depression, although it very well may boost your confidence if you know that you matter to people. But I do know that your mindset will need a bit of adjustment before you try it. Instead of thinking that programming a game will make or break you as a person, measure your worth, or anything like that, or thinking that you must do it in order to gain approval from others or what have you, think of how it will benefit others. There is a difference there, although it can seem more complex than that. I'll provide an anecdote to try and explain what I mean.
For a brief time, I was part of a podcast team. Now, there were many, many reasons why i thought I would suck at it. I don't think I have an engaging speaking voice. You know how radio and TV personalities have that extra something about the way they speak that makes everyone turn their heads and drink in what they're saying? Well, as a podcaster, I thought that I would also have to have this kind of magnetism. I still don't think I do at all, but people did listen to the podcasts, and they still enjoyed them. What I realized, is that my passion for helping others in any way I can must have made me more interesting to listen to. People can tell if you've put your heart into something, even if it isn't the biggest and best. I think this same concept might apply to you. At first, you're going to nitpick at every tiny flaw and mistake. I would berate myself after each podcast, going over everything I had said, and thinking, "man, I could have explained that so much better." Plus, as a natural introvert, I tend to express myself in writing far better than I ever will in any podcast, no matter what I do.
What I learned from my experience, and no, I didn't leave the team because of anything I had done wrong, but rather due to personal differences, is that people actually did hear what I had to say, which was not only an eye-opener for me, but it also made me feel like I had accomplished something. I hadn't set out with that goal in mind. I just happened to find out that I could make someone's life a little bit easier by providing them with a helpful tip about their computer, or by explaining the mechanics of an audio game. And, you know what? Armed with that tiny bit more self-esteem, I may even strike out and create my own podcast one day. Will I still be nervous as all hell while I'm recording? yes, I will. Will I ever stop obsessively putting each and every mistake I make along the way under a microscope? Doubtful. That's just how I am. I'm 26 years old, and I'm not getting any younger. They say that brain development completes by the age of 25, so my personality is probably pretty much static at this point in my life.
I honestly didn't mean to write such a novel, sorry about that. I guess it turns out that I had a lot more to say on this subject than I initially thought. I hope that something I said might make sense, and might strike a chord with you or anyone else who struggles with these sorts of problems.
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