> On 9 Oct 2018, at 10:01, Ross Wheeler <[email protected]> wrote:
>
>
>
> On Tue, 9 Oct 2018, Tim Raphael wrote:
>
>> There is also the difference between appropriate interaction and
>> inappropriate interaction.Appropriate interaction is okay and makes
>> socialising fun but as soon as the line is crossed, it's no longer 'fun'
>> anymore.
>
> I really wasn't going to wade into this, but the above is getting right to
> the root of the problem. Knowing the difference between appropriate and
> inappropriate interaction is something many of us learned as kids. There is
> no handbook, people are not fitted with status displays to let YOU know how
> THEY are feeling - because not everyone reacts the same way. Experience
> usually gives us a good guide to interpreting where an individuals "line" is,
> but again, it's learned.
>
> How do the young people of today (who've never been told "no", who are part
> of the "you get a trophy just for participating" generation) ever going to
> learn? The first time they step OVER the invisible line is likely to be a
> career-ending sexual harrassment charge and a criminal record!
>
> The older of us who learned respect and trust, limits and bounds (and learned
> them by pushing until we found them) probably find it easier to navigate, but
> I am genuinely concerned for the young, who don't have that environment any
> more.
I think you’d be surprised how many of the “coddled” generation you’re sledging
here have better skills for respecting people’s personal boundaries than some
of the “older, wiser” people I’ve met.
That’s not to say they’re perfect by any stretch but there’s a big difference
between accidentally crossing a boundary, respecting a request to back off and
deliberately crossing a boundary. There’s also plenty of room for appropriate
responses. In almost all code of conduct enforcement processes I’ve seen, a
first offence and/or a minor offence aren’t going to be met with a
“career-ending sexual harassment charge and a criminal record”. They’re going
to be met with a quiet word from the organisers that your behaviour was
inappropriate and, especially if you’re understanding and contrite, that’ll be
the end of it. It’s only for serious breaches that there’d be removal from the
event/list/space or anything else on the table. Whether charges are filed is
more up to the person on the receiving end of the behaviour and if your
behaviour’s at the level where people want to file charges against you, well,
that’s a bit of a wake-up call, right?
In short, behavioural standards are not going to stop people interacting in
ways that are fun. They’re going to provide a framework for handling situations
where someone, by their own actions, makes another person have significantly
less fun. The reason you have them is that if someone’s actively making other
people have less fun, you want to remove the fun-destroyer rather than have the
people they’ve hurt leave and not come back.
Pretty simple calculus for me at least.
Thanks,
Benno.
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