"J. van Baardwijk" wrote:
>
> At 10:42 19-10-2002 -0500, Julia Thompson wrote:
>
> >I think it's rather rude to drag an off-list exchange onto a list
> >without the permission of all parties involved.
>
> >It is my belief that discussions taken off-list should be kept off-list
> >until such time as all parties involved agree it should go back
> >on-list.
>
> Even if the discussion is technically not taken off-list, but one poster
> replies off-list because he apparently lacks the courage to reply on-list
> to on-list messages -- almost certainly because an on-list reply is likely
> to generate criticism of said poster's behaviour?
Is that why he's doing it?
> >If there is a disagreement in progress, the person dragging it all back
> >into public view mid-discussion comes off as a jerk that day, IMO. If
> >someone does this once a year at most, it's not so bad, but repeated
> >instances lower *my* opinion of the person who makes a habit of it.
>
> Then what is your opinion about people who, like JDG, make claims but
> refuse to answer questions, and refuse to back their claims when asked to
> do so?
That has nothing to do with Dan's question and Erik's response to it,
which was what I was responding to.
But it would be a lot nicer if *everyone* were more gracious about
discussion around here. Graciously asking for clarification; not acting
derisively when someone seems not to understand the situation, even if
it seems patently obvious to others; admitting being wrong; admitting
when someone is not going to be swayed by your arguments and you not
swayed by theirs that on that matter, anyway, you ought to just agree to
disagree; dropping an argument that's going nowhere, or hashing it out
off-list to a *gracious* conclusion before bringing any of it back
on-list -- if everyone did all of that, it would be a lot nicer in
general. And respecting everyone else, and respecting the fact that a
lot of people have different experiences from yours, and those
experiences color their opinions and should not be dismissed out of hand
for being different.
I'd like at the end of every disagreement/difference of opinion for each
person participating to at least have a little bit more understanding
for where the other person is coming from. I don't know that this is
going to happen with this particular group, but if everyone made a
little more effort in that direction, it would make list-life a little
nicer.
Julia
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