BACDS Code of Conduct says:
http://bacds.org/conduct/CodeOfConduct.pdf
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"Ask a partner kindly. Accept their answer cheerfully. If you are
repeatedly declined by a prospective partner, it is best to give them space.
Feel free to decline a dance with someone with whom you feel
uncomfortable. If you would prefer not to dance with them, a simple "no
thanks" is appropriate. We encourage you to dance with a variety of
peple both new and familiar, but your safety and comfort come first.
-------------------
So it doesn't explicitly address this, but I think it doesn't address it
because the norm is now understood to be that there's no obligations on
the person being asked.
In my beginner lessons, both contra and English, I say (when I remember)
that anybody may ask anybody else to dance, that you can accept or
decline, that you don't have to explain yourself and that indeed you
shouldn't spend a lot of time declining because that keeps the one who
asked you from finding another partner. (I also sometimes say that
unlike a bar or club, the only necessary subtext of "may I have this
dance" is "I need a partner to able to dance this dance".) I've
occasionally modeled asking, being declined, and moving on with good grace.
I think I got some of that by looking at the George Marshal beginner
session that's on youtube.
Incidentally, some brand new dancers come in with the "must sit out if
declining a dance" idea already installed; it turns out that it's there
in Jane Austen. So in discussing this in Regency-dance context I do a
thing about how this isn't re-creation but recreation - we're playing,
not slavishly reconstructing the period, and we can leave behind things
that don't work for us today.
-- Alan
On 12/16/17 11:39 AM, Kalia Kliban via Callers wrote:
Hi all,
Those of us who started dancing 2 or 3 decades back probably remember
the rule about sitting out the dance if you turn down a partner offer.
A very competent male dancer I know who started around the same time I
did (late 80s) recently confessed to me that he never asks anyone to
dance because he doesn't want to put folks in the position of thinking
"If I don't dance with this guy then I have to sit one out. Oh crap,
guess I'll have to dance with him." For the record, he's a totally
solid and delightful dancer.
To what extent has that earlier etiquette norm either survived or been
replaced, and what has it been replaced with? In your dance
community, do you have a written statement of the etiquette around
this? Our community's statement doesn't directly address this issue.
Kalia
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