>From my wife. -----Original Message----- From: Malia Schmidt [mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED]] Sent: Tuesday, June 04, 2002 11:00 AM To: Kevin Schmidt Subject: Fw: The Married Man's Score Board
Kevin, This is about the truest damn thing i have ever seen! Lia The Married Man's Score Board (NOTE: A score of "0" means it was expected of him) SIMPLE DUTIES -------------------------- * You go out to buy her spring-fresh extra-light panty-liners with wings: +5 * But return with beer: -5 * You check out a suspicious noise at night: 0 * You check out a suspicious noise at night and it's nothing: 0 * You check out a suspicious noise at night and it's something: +5 * You pummel it with a six iron: +10 * It's her father: -10 SOCIAL ENGAGEMENTS ----------------------------------------- * You stay by her side the entire party: 0 * You stay by her side for awhile, then leave to chat with a college drinking buddy: -2 * Named Tiffany: -4 * Tiffany is a dancer: -6 * Tiffany has implants: -8 SATURDAY AFTERNOONS -------------------------------------------- * You visit her parents: +1 * You visit her parents and actually make conversation: +3 * You visit her parents and stare vacantly at the television: -3 * And the television is off: -6 * You spend the day watching college football in your underwear: -6 * And you didn't even go to college: -10 * And it's not really your underwear: -15 HER BIRTHDAY --------------------------- * You take her out to dinner: 0 * You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar: +1 * OK it's a sports bar: -2 * And it's all you can eat night: -3 * It's a sports bar, all you can eat night and your face is painted the colors of your favorite team: -10 * You give her a gift: 0 * You give her a gift and it's a small appliance: -10 * You giver her a gift and it's not a small appliance: +1 * You give her a gift and it's not chocolate: +2 * You give her a gift that you'll be paying off for months: +30 * You wait till the last minute and buy her a gift that day: -10 * With her credit card: -30 * And whatever you bought is two sizes too small: -40 THOUGHTFULNESS �--------------------------------- * You forgot to pick her up at the bus station: -25 * Which is in Newark, New Jersey: -35 * And the pouring rain dissolves her leg cast: -50 A NIGHT OUT WITH YOUR PALS �---------------------------------------------------------- * You have a few beers: -9 * For every beer after three: -2 again * And miss curfew by an hour: -12 * You get home at three AM: -20 * You get home at three AM smelling of booze and cheap cigars: -30 * And not wearing any pants: -40 * Is that a tatoo?: -200 A NIGHT OUT, JUST THE TWO OF YOU �----------------------------------------------------------------- * You go see a comic: +2 * He's crude and sexist: -2 * You laugh: -5 * You laugh too much: -10 * She's not laughing: -15 * You laugh harder: -25 DRIVING �--------------- * You lose the directions on a trip: -4 * You lose the directions on a trip and end up getting lost: -10 * You end up getting lost in the bad part of town: -15 * You get lost in a bad part of town and meet the locals up close and personal: -25 * She finds out you lied about having a black belt: -60 COMMUNICATION �------------------------------- * When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen displaying what looks like a concerned expression: 0 * When she talks, you listen for over 30 minutes: +5 * You listen for more than 30 minutes, without looking at the television or picking up the newspaper: +10 * She realizes this because you've been asleep. (ooooo...Forget points, buddy. That's your ass.) ______________________________________________________________________ Get the mailserver that powers this list at http://www.coolfusion.com Archives: http://www.mail-archive.com/[email protected]/ Unsubscribe: http://www.houseoffusion.com/index.cfm?sidebar=lists
