We're talking about one issue here- she got upset when I didn't let her
in on the decision making time here.
Yes, you're right, it is a control issue. She's likes to be in
control, but she's not a control freak.
What the entire situation boiled down to was:
I'm in a relationship that is in transition from a unmarried couple to
a committed marriage. I was thinking in the unmarried couple phase,
she in the committed marriage phase. Neither is completely wrong nor
right.
I'm smart enough to know that I really should have been more thoughtful
when choosing a new major vehicle for us. In November, we will be
combining our finances so we can maximize our spending and saving
abilities, and this affects that part of our relationship.
However, on the flip side, she should have been more willing to see the
vehicle before she completely disregarded it as a viable alternative to
the large 4x4 pickup that I have been driving for the past year. The
truck was great, utility-wise, but it was a gas hog and was becoming
increasingly uncomfortable to drive on the long drive to work every
day. Plus, it had 173000 miles on it when I traded it in - it was time
to get rid of it before the problems started 'nickle and diming' me to
death.
So I had justification for getting a new vehicle and I actually chose a
very nice vehicle, so I am right in this regard. I should have talked
about this situation with her before I made the purchase so I could get
her input, like any good partnership would do, love or business. She is
right in this regard.
There are always some control issues in any marriage - both parties
want to be heard and should be heard, but everybody needs some measure
of independence at some point.
This was a learning lesson for both of us - I could have avoided the
whole situation had I handled it better, and she could have talked to
me before she became angry.
I'm still getting married to the wonderful girl, and we're both anxious
to put this behind us.
In other news, I'm interviewing with Microsoft as well as a company in
Baltimore - I might be seeing some of you sometime in the DC area!
Maybe Tim and I can race!
- Matt Small
On Tuesday, December 30, 2003, at 06:19 PM, dana tierney wrote:
> I sense major control issues, personally. But maybe he likes it that
> way...
> :::shrug:: there are some things some people are not ready to hear,
> and I have said my bit.
>
> Matt, I hope it all works out for you.
>
> Dana
>
> >Hey Tim,
> >
> >"so screwed" can be a very good thing! ;-)
> >
> >but I presume you mean it the *other* way -
> >just curious why if ya don't mind me asking?
> >
> >-Ben
> >
> >
> >>Wow you're so screwed if you marry this chick.
> >>
> >>And it's really not way faster, I would be glad to prove it when
> ever you
> >>feel like coming up to dc.
> >>��-----Original Message-----
> >>��From: Matthew Small [mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED]
> >>��Sent: Monday, December 29, 2003 3:45 PM
> >>��To: CF-Community
> >>��Subject: Re: I think I'm in trouble
> >>
> >>
> >>��OK everyone, I have a lot of answers straight from the source...
> >>
> >>��1)��She's upset because I made a major purchase without consulting
> her.
> >>��� To my credit, I have been telling her that I wanted something
> new, but
> >>��I didn't find anything until I saw this Mustang.
> >>
> >>��2) She would not have been mad if I had bought something sensible,
> just
> >>��a bit annoyed that I had not included her.��This is not because she
> >>��wants to dicate things to me, it's because if I had been thinking
> about
> >>��what is good for us rather than me.
> >>
> >>��3) I was wrong, I will admit it.
> >>
> >>��4) She told me that if I wanted the car, I could keep it if it was
> what
> >>��I wanted, and she meant it.
> >>
> >>��5) We tried to return the vehicle.��There is no 72 hours right of
> >>��rescission on automobiles.
> >>
> >>��5) We were going to trade it for something else (the dealer gave us
> >>��this choice) but there was nothing else in my price range that I
> liked.
> >>
> >>��6) We've decided to keep it and sell it outright.��I feel that I
> can
> >>��get at least what I put into the vehicle since it's below blue
> book.
> >>
> >>��7) I'm taking her out tonight to Carraba's for some delicious
> mussels.
> >>
> >>��8) She's a wonderful, understanding person.��She was just extremely
> >>��upset that I did this without her input.
> >>
> >>��9) I actually think she likes the car, now that she's seen it, and
> she
> >>��will like it more after I take her out in it tonight.
> >>
> >>��10)��Thank for your input.
> >>
> >>��11)��This car is WAY faster than Tim's.
> >>
> >>��- Matt Small
> >>
> >>��On Monday, December 29, 2003, at 11:20 AM, Andre Turrettini wrote:
> >>
> >>��> This is true.��Matt, Can you give us more insight into her stong
> >>��> response?
> >>��> DRE
> >>��>
> >>��> -----Original Message-----
> >>��> From: dana tierney [mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED]
> >>��> Sent: Monday, December 29, 2003 8:18 AM
> >>��> To: CF-Community
> >>��> Subject: Re:I think I'm in trouble
> >>��>
> >>��> He's right tho, if my SO tried to dictate the car I could buy I
> would
> >>��> run
> >>��> like hell in the other direction. Unless he was buying it for
> me; at
> >>��> that
> >>��> point he deserves some say. Sorry Matt but imho this is a major
> red
> >>��> flag
> >>��> which you ignore at your peril.
> >>��>
> >>��> Dana
> >>��>
> >>��> >Mike,
> >>��> >��You're either single or have the most tolerant wife on the
> planet!
> >>��> >"perhaps the marriage is just not meant to be"... you're
> killing me,
> >>��> Man.
> >>��> >
> >>��> >~Simon
> >>��> >
> >>��> >Simon Horwith
> >>��> >CTO, Etrilogy Ltd.
> >>��> >Member of Team Macromedia
> >>��> >Macromedia Certified Instructor
> >>��> >Certified Advanced ColdFusion MX Developer
> >>��> >Certified Flash MX Developer
> >>��> >CFDJList - List Administrator
> >>��> >http://www.how2cf.com/
> >>��> >
> >>��> >��-----Original Message-----
> >>��> >��From: Haggerty, Mike [mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED]
> >>��> >��Sent: 29 December 2003 15:23
> >>��> >��To: CF-Community
> >>��> >��Subject: RE: I think I'm in trouble
> >>��> >
> >>��> >
> >>��> >��Keep the car, give it a name, add nitrous, flourescent
> lights, a
> >>��> tricked
> >>��> >��out odometer and racing seats. Put a big sticker on the back
> >>��> windshield
> >>��> >��indicating you are part of a street racing team.
> >>��> >
> >>��> >��What was the name of the car Will Farrell's character drove
> in Old
> >>��> >��School? If your wife can't deal with you having a cool ride,
> which
> >>��> is a
> >>��> >��part of your identify, perhaps the marriage is just not meant
> to be.
> >>��> >��Imagine what life will be like in 20 years when she becomes
> >>��> hysterical
> >>��> >��over a bunch of doylies over or something - you do not want
> that.
> >>��> It's
> >>��> >��going to be lemonade and cucumber sandwiches instead of beer
> and
> >>��> chicken
> >>��> >��wings, and that ain't right. Put your foot down and keep your
> >>��> dignity.
> >>��> >
> >>��> >��M
> >>��> >
> >>��> >��-----Original Message-----
> >>��> >��From: Matthew Small [mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED]
> >>��> >��Sent: Saturday, December 27, 2003 11:43 PM
> >>��> >��To: CF-Community
> >>��> >��Subject: I think I'm in trouble
> >>��> >
> >>��> >��I pulled a boner today.
> >>��> >
> >>��> >��I'm in the market for a new vehicle, since the truck that I'm
> >>��> driving,
> >>��> >��while good looking and well running, has 173,000 miles on
> it.��It's
> >>��> a
> >>��> >��1995 Chevy Silverado, 4x4. My fiancee loves the thing, thinks
> it's
> >>��> the
> >>��> >��manliest truck on this earth. For the record, she's 23, I'm
> 31, we
> >>��> >��don't live together, and she's never had a FT job before
> since she
> >>��> just
> >>��> >��graduated Grad School with an MBA. She's a lovely girl, just a
> >>��> little
> >>��> >��idealistic sometimes due to youth.
> >>��> >
> >>��> >��So I go out today, just browsing and this car catches my eye
> - it'
> >>��> s a
> >>��> >��2001 Mustang GT.��Worse yet, it's a Mustang GT Bullitt - a
> Steve
> >>��> >��McQueen style race car. So I test drive it, am unnaturally
> scared to
> >>��> >��death of it, and then buy it.��I figure since it's only got
> 38,000
> >>��> on
> >>��> >��the odometer, that it will get getter mileage than the giant
> truck,
> >>��> and
> >>��> >��that she also has a Mustang that this will resonant well with
> the
> >>��> >��fiancee.
> >>��> >
> >>��> >��Anyway, I proceed to call her after I buy it and she starts
> crying
> >>��> >��because I got rid of the truck.��She's a bit emotional too
> >>��> sometimes.
> >>��> >��Please don't get the wrong idea, she's great, but emotional
> about
> >>��> >��things sometimes.
> >>��> >
> >>��> >��Let me tell you a little bit more about the car - it's
> unbelievably
> >>��> >��fast.��I don't know the stats, but the car has some sort of
> mod
> >>��> chip in
> >>��> >��it that pushes it to 305 HP.��It's a five speed ass haulin'
> trip to
> >>��> the
> >>��> >��hospital then to jail for wreckless driving.��I admit that
> I'm a
> >>��> freak
> >>��> >��for speed sometimes.��This is without doubt the fastest car
> I've
> >>��> ever
> >>��> >��been in.��Anyway, it's a cool little thing with all of the
> bells and
> >>��> >��whistles.
> >>��> >
> >>��> >��We're not going to have any children soon, so that not an
> issue, but
> >>��> >��she did say that she thought I was going to get something more
> >>��> "yuppie"
> >>��> >��- like an SUV or BMW or something like that.
> >>��> >
> >>��> >��Anyway, that's the boner.��I think I'm going to take the car
> back
> >>��> >��tomorrow morning and get the truck back. Any comments from my
> >>��> friends
> >>��> >��on the list?
> >>��> >
> >>��> >��- Matt Small
> >>��> >
> >>��>���_____
> >>��<image.tiff>
> >>��>
> >>��>
> >>
<image.tiff>
>
>
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