Dana
>OK...
>
>We're talking about one issue here- she got upset when I didn't let her
>in on the decision making time here.
>Yes, you're right, it is a control issue. She's likes to be in
>control, but she's not a control freak.
>
>What the entire situation boiled down to was:
>I'm in a relationship that is in transition from a unmarried couple to
>a committed marriage. I was thinking in the unmarried couple phase,
>she in the committed marriage phase. Neither is completely wrong nor
>right.
>
>I'm smart enough to know that I really should have been more thoughtful
>when choosing a new major vehicle for us. In November, we will be
>combining our finances so we can maximize our spending and saving
>abilities, and this affects that part of our relationship.
>
>However, on the flip side, she should have been more willing to see the
>vehicle before she completely disregarded it as a viable alternative to
>the large 4x4 pickup that I have been driving for the past year. The
>truck was great, utility-wise, but it was a gas hog and was becoming
>increasingly uncomfortable to drive on the long drive to work every
>day. Plus, it had 173000 miles on it when I traded it in - it was time
>to get rid of it before the problems started 'nickle and diming' me to
>death.
>
>So I had justification for getting a new vehicle and I actually chose a
>very nice vehicle, so I am right in this regard. I should have talked
>about this situation with her before I made the purchase so I could get
>her input, like any good partnership would do, love or business. She is
>right in this regard.
>
>There are always some control issues in any marriage - both parties
>want to be heard and should be heard, but everybody needs some measure
>of independence at some point.
>
>This was a learning lesson for both of us - I could have avoided the
>whole situation had I handled it better, and she could have talked to
>me before she became angry.
>
>I'm still getting married to the wonderful girl, and we're both anxious
>to put this behind us.
>
>In other news, I'm interviewing with Microsoft as well as a company in
>Baltimore - I might be seeing some of you sometime in the DC area!
>Maybe Tim and I can race!
>
>- Matt Small
>
>
>
>
>
>On Tuesday, December 30, 2003, at 06:19 PM, dana tierney wrote:
>
>> I sense major control issues, personally. But maybe he likes it that
>> way...
>> :::shrug:: there are some things some people are not ready to hear,
>> and I have said my bit.
>>
>> Matt, I hope it all works out for you.
>>
>> Dana
>>
>> >Hey Tim,
>> >
>> >"so screwed" can be a very good thing! ;-)
>> >
>> >but I presume you mean it the *other* way -
>> >just curious why if ya don't mind me asking?
>> >
>> >-Ben
>> >
>> >
>> >>Wow you're so screwed if you marry this chick.
>> >>
>> >>And it's really not way faster, I would be glad to prove it when
>> ever you
>> >>feel like coming up to dc.
>> >>��-----Original Message-----
>> >>��From: Matthew Small [mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED]
>> >>��Sent: Monday, December 29, 2003 3:45 PM
>> >>��To: CF-Community
>> >>��Subject: Re: I think I'm in trouble
>> >>
>> >>
>> >>��OK everyone, I have a lot of answers straight from the source...
>> >>
>> >>��1)��She's upset because I made a major purchase without consulting
>> her.
>> >>��� To my credit, I have been telling her that I wanted something
>> new, but
>> >>��I didn't find anything until I saw this Mustang.
>> >>
>> >>��2) She would not have been mad if I had bought something sensible,
>> just
>> >>��a bit annoyed that I had not included her.��This is not because she
>> >>��wants to dicate things to me, it's because if I had been thinking
>> about
>> >>��what is good for us rather than me.
>> >>
>> >>��3) I was wrong, I will admit it.
>> >>
>> >>��4) She told me that if I wanted the car, I could keep it if it was
>> what
>> >>��I wanted, and she meant it.
>> >>
>> >>��5) We tried to return the vehicle.��There is no 72 hours right of
>> >>��rescission on automobiles.
>> >>
>> >>��5) We were going to trade it for something else (the dealer gave us
>> >>��this choice) but there was nothing else in my price range that I
>> liked.
>> >>
>> >>��6) We've decided to keep it and sell it outright.��I feel that I
>> can
>> >>��get at least what I put into the vehicle since it's below blue
>> book.
>> >>
>> >>��7) I'm taking her out tonight to Carraba's for some delicious
>> mussels.
>> >>
>> >>��8) She's a wonderful, understanding person.��She was just extremely
>> >>��upset that I did this without her input.
>> >>
>> >>��9) I actually think she likes the car, now that she's seen it, and
>> she
>> >>��will like it more after I take her out in it tonight.
>> >>
>> >>��10)��Thank for your input.
>> >>
>> >>��11)��This car is WAY faster than Tim's.
>> >>
>> >>��- Matt Small
>> >>
>> >>��On Monday, December 29, 2003, at 11:20 AM, Andre Turrettini wrote:
>> >>
>> >>��> This is true.��Matt, Can you give us more insight into her stong
>> >>��> response?
>> >>��> DRE
>> >>��>
>> >>��> -----Original Message-----
>> >>��> From: dana tierney [mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED]
>> >>��> Sent: Monday, December 29, 2003 8:18 AM
>> >>��> To: CF-Community
>> >>��> Subject: Re:I think I'm in trouble
>> >>��>
>> >>��> He's right tho, if my SO tried to dictate the car I could buy I
>> would
>> >>��> run
>> >>��> like hell in the other direction. Unless he was buying it for
>> me; at
>> >>��> that
>> >>��> point he deserves some say. Sorry Matt but imho this is a major
>> red
>> >>��> flag
>> >>��> which you ignore at your peril.
>> >>��>
>> >>��> Dana
>> >>��>
>> >>��> >Mike,
>> >>��> >��You're either single or have the most tolerant wife on the
>> planet!
>> >>��> >"perhaps the marriage is just not meant to be"... you're
>> killing me,
>> >>��> Man.
>> >>��> >
>> >>��> >~Simon
>> >>��> >
>> >>��> >Simon Horwith
>> >>��> >CTO, Etrilogy Ltd.
>> >>��> >Member of Team Macromedia
>> >>��> >Macromedia Certified Instructor
>> >>��> >Certified Advanced ColdFusion MX Developer
>> >>��> >Certified Flash MX Developer
>> >>��> >CFDJList - List Administrator
>> >>��> >http://www.how2cf.com/
>> >>��> >
>> >>��> >��-----Original Message-----
>> >>��> >��From: Haggerty, Mike [mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED]
>> >>��> >��Sent: 29 December 2003 15:23
>> >>��> >��To: CF-Community
>> >>��> >��Subject: RE: I think I'm in trouble
>> >>��> >
>> >>��> >
>> >>��> >��Keep the car, give it a name, add nitrous, flourescent
>> lights, a
>> >>��> tricked
>> >>��> >��out odometer and racing seats. Put a big sticker on the back
>> >>��> windshield
>> >>��> >��indicating you are part of a street racing team.
>> >>��> >
>> >>��> >��What was the name of the car Will Farrell's character drove
>> in Old
>> >>��> >��School? If your wife can't deal with you having a cool ride,
>> which
>> >>��> is a
>> >>��> >��part of your identify, perhaps the marriage is just not meant
>> to be.
>> >>��> >��Imagine what life will be like in 20 years when she becomes
>> >>��> hysterical
>> >>��> >��over a bunch of doylies over or something - you do not want
>> that.
>> >>��> It's
>> >>��> >��going to be lemonade and cucumber sandwiches instead of beer
>> and
>> >>��> chicken
>> >>��> >��wings, and that ain't right. Put your foot down and keep your
>> >>��> dignity.
>> >>��> >
>> >>��> >��M
>> >>��> >
>> >>��> >��-----Original Message-----
>> >>��> >��From: Matthew Small [mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED]
>> >>��> >��Sent: Saturday, December 27, 2003 11:43 PM
>> >>��> >��To: CF-Community
>> >>��> >��Subject: I think I'm in trouble
>> >>��> >
>> >>��> >��I pulled a boner today.
>> >>��> >
>> >>��> >��I'm in the market for a new vehicle, since the truck that I'm
>> >>��> driving,
>> >>��> >��while good looking and well running, has 173,000 miles on
>> it.��It's
>> >>��> a
>> >>��> >��1995 Chevy Silverado, 4x4. My fiancee loves the thing, thinks
>> it's
>> >>��> the
>> >>��> >��manliest truck on this earth. For the record, she's 23, I'm
>> 31, we
>> >>��> >��don't live together, and she's never had a FT job before
>> since she
>> >>��> just
>> >>��> >��graduated Grad School with an MBA. She's a lovely girl, just a
>> >>��> little
>> >>��> >��idealistic sometimes due to youth.
>> >>��> >
>> >>��> >��So I go out today, just browsing and this car catches my eye
>> - it'
>> >>��> s a
>> >>��> >��2001 Mustang GT.��Worse yet, it's a Mustang GT Bullitt - a
>> Steve
>> >>��> >��McQueen style race car. So I test drive it, am unnaturally
>> scared to
>> >>��> >��death of it, and then buy it.��I figure since it's only got
>> 38,000
>> >>��> on
>> >>��> >��the odometer, that it will get getter mileage than the giant
>> truck,
>> >>��> and
>> >>��> >��that she also has a Mustang that this will resonant well with
>> the
>> >>��> >��fiancee.
>> >>��> >
>> >>��> >��Anyway, I proceed to call her after I buy it and she starts
>> crying
>> >>��> >��because I got rid of the truck.��She's a bit emotional too
>> >>��> sometimes.
>> >>��> >��Please don't get the wrong idea, she's great, but emotional
>> about
>> >>��> >��things sometimes.
>> >>��> >
>> >>��> >��Let me tell you a little bit more about the car - it's
>> unbelievably
>> >>��> >��fast.��I don't know the stats, but the car has some sort of
>> mod
>> >>��> chip in
>> >>��> >��it that pushes it to 305 HP.��It's a five speed ass haulin'
>> trip to
>> >>��> the
>> >>��> >��hospital then to jail for wreckless driving.��I admit that
>> I'm a
>> >>��> freak
>> >>��> >��for speed sometimes.��This is without doubt the fastest car
>> I've
>> >>��> ever
>> >>��> >��been in.��Anyway, it's a cool little thing with all of the
>> bells and
>> >>��> >��whistles.
>> >>��> >
>> >>��> >��We're not going to have any children soon, so that not an
>> issue, but
>> >>��> >��she did say that she thought I was going to get something more
>> >>��> "yuppie"
>> >>��> >��- like an SUV or BMW or something like that.
>> >>��> >
>> >>��> >��Anyway, that's the boner.��I think I'm going to take the car
>> back
>> >>��> >��tomorrow morning and get the truck back. Any comments from my
>> >>��> friends
>> >>��> >��on the list?
>> >>��> >
>> >>��> >��- Matt Small
>> >>��> >
>> >>��>���_____
>> >>��<image.tiff>
>> >>��>
>> >>��>
>> >>
><image.tiff>
>>
>>
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