I know lots of people who are very happy in relationships that I think are entirely disfunctional and unhealthy. what I think matters naught if they are truly happy.
----- Original Message -----
From: dana tierney
To: CF-Community
Sent: Wednesday, December 31, 2003 4:20 PM
Subject: Re:I think I'm in trouble
If you are happy that is what matters :) I still think it's a red flag, but that is because it would be for *me*.... lol. Seriously, I hope you guys are very happy.
Dana
>OK...
>
>We're talking about one issue here- she got upset when I didn't let her
>in on the decision making time here.
>Yes, you're right, it is a control issue. She's likes to be in
>control, but she's not a control freak.
>
>What the entire situation boiled down to was:
>I'm in a relationship that is in transition from a unmarried couple to
>a committed marriage. I was thinking in the unmarried couple phase,
>she in the committed marriage phase. Neither is completely wrong nor
>right.
>
>I'm smart enough to know that I really should have been more thoughtful
>when choosing a new major vehicle for us. In November, we will be
>combining our finances so we can maximize our spending and saving
>abilities, and this affects that part of our relationship.
>
>However, on the flip side, she should have been more willing to see the
>vehicle before she completely disregarded it as a viable alternative to
>the large 4x4 pickup that I have been driving for the past year. The
>truck was great, utility-wise, but it was a gas hog and was becoming
>increasingly uncomfortable to drive on the long drive to work every
>day. Plus, it had 173000 miles on it when I traded it in - it was time
>to get rid of it before the problems started 'nickle and diming' me to
>death.
>
>So I had justification for getting a new vehicle and I actually chose a
>very nice vehicle, so I am right in this regard. I should have talked
>about this situation with her before I made the purchase so I could get
>her input, like any good partnership would do, love or business. She is
>right in this regard.
>
>There are always some control issues in any marriage - both parties
>want to be heard and should be heard, but everybody needs some measure
>of independence at some point.
>
>This was a learning lesson for both of us - I could have avoided the
>whole situation had I handled it better, and she could have talked to
>me before she became angry.
>
>I'm still getting married to the wonderful girl, and we're both anxious
>to put this behind us.
>
>In other news, I'm interviewing with Microsoft as well as a company in
>Baltimore - I might be seeing some of you sometime in the DC area!
>Maybe Tim and I can race!
>
>- Matt Small
>
>
>
>
>
>On Tuesday, December 30, 2003, at 06:19 PM, dana tierney wrote:
>
>> I sense major control issues, personally. But maybe he likes it that
>> way...
>> :::shrug:: there are some things some people are not ready to hear,
>> and I have said my bit.
>>
>> Matt, I hope it all works out for you.
>>
>> Dana
>>
>> >Hey Tim,
>> >
>> >"so screwed" can be a very good thing! ;-)
>> >
>> >but I presume you mean it the *other* way -
>> >just curious why if ya don't mind me asking?
>> >
>> >-Ben
>> >
>> >
>> >>Wow you're so screwed if you marry this chick.
>> >>
>> >>And it's really not way faster, I would be glad to prove it when
>> ever you
>> >>feel like coming up to dc.
>> >> -----Original Message-----
>> >> From: Matthew Small [mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED]
>> >> Sent: Monday, December 29, 2003 3:45 PM
>> >> To: CF-Community
>> >> Subject: Re: I think I'm in trouble
>> >>
>> >>
>> >> OK everyone, I have a lot of answers straight from the source...
>> >>
>> >> 1) She's upset because I made a major purchase without consulting
>> her.
>> >> To my credit, I have been telling her that I wanted something
>> new, but
>> >> I didn't find anything until I saw this Mustang.
>> >>
>> >> 2) She would not have been mad if I had bought something sensible,
>> just
>> >> a bit annoyed that I had not included her. This is not because she
>> >> wants to dicate things to me, it's because if I had been thinking
>> about
>> >> what is good for us rather than me.
>> >>
>> >> 3) I was wrong, I will admit it.
>> >>
>> >> 4) She told me that if I wanted the car, I could keep it if it was
>> what
>> >> I wanted, and she meant it.
>> >>
>> >> 5) We tried to return the vehicle. There is no 72 hours right of
>> >> rescission on automobiles.
>> >>
>> >> 5) We were going to trade it for something else (the dealer gave us
>> >> this choice) but there was nothing else in my price range that I
>> liked.
>> >>
>> >> 6) We've decided to keep it and sell it outright. I feel that I
>> can
>> >> get at least what I put into the vehicle since it's below blue
>> book.
>> >>
>> >> 7) I'm taking her out tonight to Carraba's for some delicious
>> mussels.
>> >>
>> >> 8) She's a wonderful, understanding person. She was just extremely
>> >> upset that I did this without her input.
>> >>
>> >> 9) I actually think she likes the car, now that she's seen it, and
>> she
>> >> will like it more after I take her out in it tonight.
>> >>
>> >> 10) Thank for your input.
>> >>
>> >> 11) This car is WAY faster than Tim's.
>> >>
>> >> - Matt Small
>> >>
>> >> On Monday, December 29, 2003, at 11:20 AM, Andre Turrettini wrote:
>> >>
>> >> > This is true. Matt, Can you give us more insight into her stong
>> >> > response?
>> >> > DRE
>> >> >
>> >> > -----Original Message-----
>> >> > From: dana tierney [mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED]
>> >> > Sent: Monday, December 29, 2003 8:18 AM
>> >> > To: CF-Community
>> >> > Subject: Re:I think I'm in trouble
>> >> >
>> >> > He's right tho, if my SO tried to dictate the car I could buy I
>> would
>> >> > run
>> >> > like hell in the other direction. Unless he was buying it for
>> me; at
>> >> > that
>> >> > point he deserves some say. Sorry Matt but imho this is a major
>> red
>> >> > flag
>> >> > which you ignore at your peril.
>> >> >
>> >> > Dana
>> >> >
>> >> > >Mike,
>> >> > > You're either single or have the most tolerant wife on the
>> planet!
>> >> > >"perhaps the marriage is just not meant to be"... you're
>> killing me,
>> >> > Man.
>> >> > >
>> >> > >~Simon
>> >> > >
>> >> > >Simon Horwith
>> >> > >CTO, Etrilogy Ltd.
>> >> > >Member of Team Macromedia
>> >> > >Macromedia Certified Instructor
>> >> > >Certified Advanced ColdFusion MX Developer
>> >> > >Certified Flash MX Developer
>> >> > >CFDJList - List Administrator
>> >> > >http://www.how2cf.com/
>> >> > >
>> >> > > -----Original Message-----
>> >> > > From: Haggerty, Mike [mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED]
>> >> > > Sent: 29 December 2003 15:23
>> >> > > To: CF-Community
>> >> > > Subject: RE: I think I'm in trouble
>> >> > >
>> >> > >
>> >> > > Keep the car, give it a name, add nitrous, flourescent
>> lights, a
>> >> > tricked
>> >> > > out odometer and racing seats. Put a big sticker on the back
>> >> > windshield
>> >> > > indicating you are part of a street racing team.
>> >> > >
>> >> > > What was the name of the car Will Farrell's character drove
>> in Old
>> >> > > School? If your wife can't deal with you having a cool ride,
>> which
>> >> > is a
>> >> > > part of your identify, perhaps the marriage is just not meant
>> to be.
>> >> > > Imagine what life will be like in 20 years when she becomes
>> >> > hysterical
>> >> > > over a bunch of doylies over or something - you do not want
>> that.
>> >> > It's
>> >> > > going to be lemonade and cucumber sandwiches instead of beer
>> and
>> >> > chicken
>> >> > > wings, and that ain't right. Put your foot down and keep your
>> >> > dignity.
>> >> > >
>> >> > > M
>> >> > >
>> >> > > -----Original Message-----
>> >> > > From: Matthew Small [mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED]
>> >> > > Sent: Saturday, December 27, 2003 11:43 PM
>> >> > > To: CF-Community
>> >> > > Subject: I think I'm in trouble
>> >> > >
>> >> > > I pulled a boner today.
>> >> > >
>> >> > > I'm in the market for a new vehicle, since the truck that I'm
>> >> > driving,
>> >> > > while good looking and well running, has 173,000 miles on
>> it. It's
>> >> > a
>> >> > > 1995 Chevy Silverado, 4x4. My fiancee loves the thing, thinks
>> it's
>> >> > the
>> >> > > manliest truck on this earth. For the record, she's 23, I'm
>> 31, we
>> >> > > don't live together, and she's never had a FT job before
>> since she
>> >> > just
>> >> > > graduated Grad School with an MBA. She's a lovely girl, just a
>> >> > little
>> >> > > idealistic sometimes due to youth.
>> >> > >
>> >> > > So I go out today, just browsing and this car catches my eye
>> - it'
>> >> > s a
>> >> > > 2001 Mustang GT. Worse yet, it's a Mustang GT Bullitt - a
>> Steve
>> >> > > McQueen style race car. So I test drive it, am unnaturally
>> scared to
>> >> > > death of it, and then buy it. I figure since it's only got
>> 38,000
>> >> > on
>> >> > > the odometer, that it will get getter mileage than the giant
>> truck,
>> >> > and
>> >> > > that she also has a Mustang that this will resonant well with
>> the
>> >> > > fiancee.
>> >> > >
>> >> > > Anyway, I proceed to call her after I buy it and she starts
>> crying
>> >> > > because I got rid of the truck. She's a bit emotional too
>> >> > sometimes.
>> >> > > Please don't get the wrong idea, she's great, but emotional
>> about
>> >> > > things sometimes.
>> >> > >
>> >> > > Let me tell you a little bit more about the car - it's
>> unbelievably
>> >> > > fast. I don't know the stats, but the car has some sort of
>> mod
>> >> > chip in
>> >> > > it that pushes it to 305 HP. It's a five speed ass haulin'
>> trip to
>> >> > the
>> >> > > hospital then to jail for wreckless driving. I admit that
>> I'm a
>> >> > freak
>> >> > > for speed sometimes. This is without doubt the fastest car
>> I've
>> >> > ever
>> >> > > been in. Anyway, it's a cool little thing with all of the
>> bells and
>> >> > > whistles.
>> >> > >
>> >> > > We're not going to have any children soon, so that not an
>> issue, but
>> >> > > she did say that she thought I was going to get something more
>> >> > "yuppie"
>> >> > > - like an SUV or BMW or something like that.
>> >> > >
>> >> > > Anyway, that's the boner. I think I'm going to take the car
>> back
>> >> > > tomorrow morning and get the truck back. Any comments from my
>> >> > friends
>> >> > > on the list?
>> >> > >
>> >> > > - Matt Small
>> >> > >
>> >> > _____
>> >> <image.tiff>
>> >> >
>> >> >
>> >>
><image.tiff>
>>
>>
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