Dana
> EXACTLY what Dana said.
>
> I know lots of people who are very happy in relationships that I think
> are entirely disfunctional and unhealthy. what I think matters naught
> if they are truly happy.
> ----- Original Message -----
> From: dana tierney
> To: CF-Community
> Sent: Wednesday, December 31, 2003 4:20 PM
> Subject: Re:I think I'm in trouble
>
>
> If you are happy that is what matters :) I still think it's a red flag,
> but that is because it would be for *me*.... lol. Seriously, I hope
> you guys are very happy.
>
> Dana
>
> >OK...
> >
> >We're talking about one issue here- she got upset when I didn't let
> her
> >in on the decision making time here.
> >Yes, you're right, it is a control issue. She's likes to be in
> >control, but she's not a control freak.
> >
> >What the entire situation boiled down to was:
> >I'm in a relationship that is in transition from a unmarried couple
> to
> >a committed marriage. I was thinking in the unmarried couple phase,
>
> >she in the committed marriage phase. Neither is completely wrong nor
>
> >right.
> >
> >I'm smart enough to know that I really should have been more
> thoughtful
> >when choosing a new major vehicle for us. In November, we will be
> >combining our finances so we can maximize our spending and saving
> >abilities, and this affects that part of our relationship.
> >
> >However, on the flip side, she should have been more willing to see
> the
> >vehicle before she completely disregarded it as a viable alternative
> to
> >the large 4x4 pickup that I have been driving for the past year. The
>
> >truck was great, utility-wise, but it was a gas hog and was becoming
>
> >increasingly uncomfortable to drive on the long drive to work every
> >day. Plus, it had 173000 miles on it when I traded it in - it was
> time
> >to get rid of it before the problems started 'nickle and diming' me
> to
> >death.
> >
> >So I had justification for getting a new vehicle and I actually chose
> a
> >very nice vehicle, so I am right in this regard. I should have
> talked
> >about this situation with her before I made the purchase so I could
> get
> >her input, like any good partnership would do, love or business. She
> is
> >right in this regard.
> >
> >There are always some control issues in any marriage - both parties
> >want to be heard and should be heard, but everybody needs some
> measure
> >of independence at some point.
> >
> >This was a learning lesson for both of us - I could have avoided the
>
> >whole situation had I handled it better, and she could have talked to
>
> >me before she became angry.
> >
> >I'm still getting married to the wonderful girl, and we're both
> anxious
> >to put this behind us.
> >
> >In other news, I'm interviewing with Microsoft as well as a company
> in
> >Baltimore - I might be seeing some of you sometime in the DC area!
> >Maybe Tim and I can race!
> >
> >- Matt Small
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >On Tuesday, December 30, 2003, at 06:19 PM, dana tierney wrote:
> >
> >> I sense major control issues, personally. But maybe he likes it
> that
> >> way...
> >> :::shrug:: there are some things some people are not ready to hear,
>
> >> and I have said my bit.
> >>
> >> Matt, I hope it all works out for you.
> >>
> >> Dana
> >>
> >> >Hey Tim,
> >> >
> >> >"so screwed" can be a very good thing! ;-)
> >> >
> >> >but I presume you mean it the *other* way -
> >> >just curious why if ya don't mind me asking?
> >> >
> >> >-Ben
> >> >
> >> >
> >> >>Wow you're so screwed if you marry this chick.
> >> >>
> >> >>And it's really not way faster, I would be glad to prove it when
>
> >> ever you
> >> >>feel like coming up to dc.
> >> >> -----Original Message-----
> >> >> From: Matthew Small [mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED]
> >> >> Sent: Monday, December 29, 2003 3:45 PM
> >> >> To: CF-Community
> >> >> Subject: Re: I think I'm in trouble
> >> >>
> >> >>
> >> >> OK everyone, I have a lot of answers straight from the source...
>
> >> >>
> >> >> 1) She's upset because I made a major purchase without
> consulting
> >> her.
> >> >> To my credit, I have been telling her that I wanted something
>
> >> new, but
> >> >> I didn't find anything until I saw this Mustang.
> >> >>
> >> >> 2) She would not have been mad if I had bought something
> sensible,
> >> just
> >> >> a bit annoyed that I had not included her. This is not because
> she
> >> >> wants to dicate things to me, it's because if I had been
> thinking
> >> about
> >> >> what is good for us rather than me.
> >> >>
> >> >> 3) I was wrong, I will admit it.
> >> >>
> >> >> 4) She told me that if I wanted the car, I could keep it if it
> was
> >> what
> >> >> I wanted, and she meant it.
> >> >>
> >> >> 5) We tried to return the vehicle. There is no 72 hours right
> of
> >> >> rescission on automobiles.
> >> >>
> >> >> 5) We were going to trade it for something else (the dealer
> gave us
> >> >> this choice) but there was nothing else in my price range that
> I
> >> liked.
> >> >>
> >> >> 6) We've decided to keep it and sell it outright. I feel that
> I
> >> can
> >> >> get at least what I put into the vehicle since it's below blue
>
> >> book.
> >> >>
> >> >> 7) I'm taking her out tonight to Carraba's for some delicious
> >> mussels.
> >> >>
> >> >> 8) She's a wonderful, understanding person. She was just
> extremely
> >> >> upset that I did this without her input.
> >> >>
> >> >> 9) I actually think she likes the car, now that she's seen it,
> and
> >> she
> >> >> will like it more after I take her out in it tonight.
> >> >>
> >> >> 10) Thank for your input.
> >> >>
> >> >> 11) This car is WAY faster than Tim's.
> >> >>
> >> >> - Matt Small
> >> >>
> >> >> On Monday, December 29, 2003, at 11:20 AM, Andre Turrettini
> wrote:
> >> >>
> >> >> > This is true. Matt, Can you give us more insight into her
> stong
> >> >> > response?
> >> >> > DRE
> >> >> >
> >> >> > -----Original Message-----
> >> >> > From: dana tierney [mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED]
> >> >> > Sent: Monday, December 29, 2003 8:18 AM
> >> >> > To: CF-Community
> >> >> > Subject: Re:I think I'm in trouble
> >> >> >
> >> >> > He's right tho, if my SO tried to dictate the car I could buy
> I
> >> would
> >> >> > run
> >> >> > like hell in the other direction. Unless he was buying it for
>
> >> me; at
> >> >> > that
> >> >> > point he deserves some say. Sorry Matt but imho this is a
> major
> >> red
> >> >> > flag
> >> >> > which you ignore at your peril.
> >> >> >
> >> >> > Dana
> >> >> >
> >> >> > >Mike,
> >> >> > > You're either single or have the most tolerant wife on the
>
> >> planet!
> >> >> > >"perhaps the marriage is just not meant to be"... you're
> >> killing me,
> >> >> > Man.
> >> >> > >
> >> >> > >~Simon
> >> >> > >
> >> >> > >Simon Horwith
> >> >> > >CTO, Etrilogy Ltd.
> >> >> > >Member of Team Macromedia
> >> >> > >Macromedia Certified Instructor
> >> >> > >Certified Advanced ColdFusion MX Developer
> >> >> > >Certified Flash MX Developer
> >> >> > >CFDJList - List Administrator
> >> >> > >http://www.how2cf.com/
> >> >> > >
> >> >> > > -----Original Message-----
> >> >> > > From: Haggerty, Mike [mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED]
> >> >> > > Sent: 29 December 2003 15:23
> >> >> > > To: CF-Community
> >> >> > > Subject: RE: I think I'm in trouble
> >> >> > >
> >> >> > >
> >> >> > > Keep the car, give it a name, add nitrous, flourescent
> >> lights, a
> >> >> > tricked
> >> >> > > out odometer and racing seats. Put a big sticker on the
> back
> >> >> > windshield
> >> >> > > indicating you are part of a street racing team.
> >> >> > >
> >> >> > > What was the name of the car Will Farrell's character
> drove
> >> in Old
> >> >> > > School? If your wife can't deal with you having a cool
> ride,
> >> which
> >> >> > is a
> >> >> > > part of your identify, perhaps the marriage is just not
> meant
> >> to be.
> >> >> > > Imagine what life will be like in 20 years when she
> becomes
> >> >> > hysterical
> >> >> > > over a bunch of doylies over or something - you do not
> want
> >> that.
> >> >> > It's
> >> >> > > going to be lemonade and cucumber sandwiches instead of
> beer
> >> and
> >> >> > chicken
> >> >> > > wings, and that ain't right. Put your foot down and keep
> your
> >> >> > dignity.
> >> >> > >
> >> >> > > M
> >> >> > >
> >> >> > > -----Original Message-----
> >> >> > > From: Matthew Small [mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED]
> >> >> > > Sent: Saturday, December 27, 2003 11:43 PM
> >> >> > > To: CF-Community
> >> >> > > Subject: I think I'm in trouble
> >> >> > >
> >> >> > > I pulled a boner today.
> >> >> > >
> >> >> > > I'm in the market for a new vehicle, since the truck that
> I'm
> >> >> > driving,
> >> >> > > while good looking and well running, has 173,000 miles on
>
> >> it. It's
> >> >> > a
> >> >> > > 1995 Chevy Silverado, 4x4. My fiancee loves the thing,
> thinks
> >> it's
> >> >> > the
> >> >> > > manliest truck on this earth. For the record, she's 23,
> I'm
> >> 31, we
> >> >> > > don't live together, and she's never had a FT job before
> >> since she
> >> >> > just
> >> >> > > graduated Grad School with an MBA. She's a lovely girl,
> just a
> >> >> > little
> >> >> > > idealistic sometimes due to youth.
> >> >> > >
> >> >> > > So I go out today, just browsing and this car catches my
> eye
> >> - it'
> >> >> > s a
> >> >> > > 2001 Mustang GT. Worse yet, it's a Mustang GT Bullitt - a
>
> >> Steve
> >> >> > > McQueen style race car. So I test drive it, am unnaturally
>
> >> scared to
> >> >> > > death of it, and then buy it. I figure since it's only
> got
> >> 38,000
> >> >> > on
> >> >> > > the odometer, that it will get getter mileage than the
> giant
> >> truck,
> >> >> > and
> >> >> > > that she also has a Mustang that this will resonant well
> with
> >> the
> >> >> > > fiancee.
> >> >> > >
> >> >> > > Anyway, I proceed to call her after I buy it and she
> starts
> >> crying
> >> >> > > because I got rid of the truck. She's a bit emotional
> too
> >> >> > sometimes.
> >> >> > > Please don't get the wrong idea, she's great, but
> emotional
> >> about
> >> >> > > things sometimes.
> >> >> > >
> >> >> > > Let me tell you a little bit more about the car - it's
> >> unbelievably
> >> >> > > fast. I don't know the stats, but the car has some sort
> of
> >> mod
> >> >> > chip in
> >> >> > > it that pushes it to 305 HP. It's a five speed ass
> haulin'
> >> trip to
> >> >> > the
> >> >> > > hospital then to jail for wreckless driving. I admit that
>
> >> I'm a
> >> >> > freak
> >> >> > > for speed sometimes. This is without doubt the fastest
> car
> >> I've
> >> >> > ever
> >> >> > > been in. Anyway, it's a cool little thing with all of the
>
> >> bells and
> >> >> > > whistles.
> >> >> > >
> >> >> > > We're not going to have any children soon, so that not an
>
> >> issue, but
> >> >> > > she did say that she thought I was going to get something
> more
> >> >> > "yuppie"
> >> >> > > - like an SUV or BMW or something like that.
> >> >> > >
> >> >> > > Anyway, that's the boner. I think I'm going to take the
> car
> >> back
> >> >> > > tomorrow morning and get the truck back. Any comments from
> my
> >> >> > friends
> >> >> > > on the list?
> >> >> > >
> >> >> > > - Matt Small
> >> >> > >
> >> >> > _____
> >> >> <image.tiff>
> >> >> >
> >> >> >
> >> >>
> ><image.tiff>
> >>
> >>
[Todays Threads] [This Message] [Subscription] [Fast Unsubscribe] [User Settings]
