I'm glad you've apparently resolved it, though.
--benD
Matthew Small wrote:
> OK...
>
> We're talking about one issue here- she got upset when I didn't let her
> in on the decision making time here.
> Yes, you're right, it is a control issue. She's likes to be in
> control, but she's not a control freak.
>
> What the entire situation boiled down to was:
> I'm in a relationship that is in transition from a unmarried couple to
> a committed marriage. I was thinking in the unmarried couple phase,
> she in the committed marriage phase. Neither is completely wrong nor
> right.
>
> I'm smart enough to know that I really should have been more thoughtful
> when choosing a new major vehicle for us. In November, we will be
> combining our finances so we can maximize our spending and saving
> abilities, and this affects that part of our relationship.
>
> However, on the flip side, she should have been more willing to see the
> vehicle before she completely disregarded it as a viable alternative to
> the large 4x4 pickup that I have been driving for the past year. The
> truck was great, utility-wise, but it was a gas hog and was becoming
> increasingly uncomfortable to drive on the long drive to work every
> day. Plus, it had 173000 miles on it when I traded it in - it was time
> to get rid of it before the problems started 'nickle and diming' me to
> death.
>
> So I had justification for getting a new vehicle and I actually chose a
> very nice vehicle, so I am right in this regard. I should have talked
> about this situation with her before I made the purchase so I could get
> her input, like any good partnership would do, love or business. She is
> right in this regard.
>
> There are always some control issues in any marriage - both parties
> want to be heard and should be heard, but everybody needs some measure
> of independence at some point.
>
> This was a learning lesson for both of us - I could have avoided the
> whole situation had I handled it better, and she could have talked to
> me before she became angry.
>
> I'm still getting married to the wonderful girl, and we're both anxious
> to put this behind us.
>
> In other news, I'm interviewing with Microsoft as well as a company in
> Baltimore - I might be seeing some of you sometime in the DC area!
> Maybe Tim and I can race!
>
> - Matt Small
>
>
>
> On Tuesday, December 30, 2003, at 06:19 PM, dana tierney wrote:
>
> > I sense major control issues, personally. But maybe he likes it that
> > way...
> > :::shrug:: there are some things some people are not ready to hear,
> > and I have said my bit.
> >
> > Matt, I hope it all works out for you.
> >
> > Dana
> >
> > >Hey Tim,
> > >
> > >"so screwed" can be a very good thing! ;-)
> > >
> > >but I presume you mean it the *other* way -
> > >just curious why if ya don't mind me asking?
> > >
> > >-Ben
> > >
> > >
> > >>Wow you're so screwed if you marry this chick.
> > >>
> > >>And it's really not way faster, I would be glad to prove it when
> > ever you
> > >>feel like coming up to dc.
> > >> -----Original Message-----
> > >> From: Matthew Small [mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED]
> > >> Sent: Monday, December 29, 2003 3:45 PM
> > >> To: CF-Community
> > >> Subject: Re: I think I'm in trouble
> > >>
> > >>
> > >> OK everyone, I have a lot of answers straight from the source...
> > >>
> > >> 1) She's upset because I made a major purchase without consulting
> > her.
> > >> To my credit, I have been telling her that I wanted something
> > new, but
> > >> I didn't find anything until I saw this Mustang.
> > >>
> > >> 2) She would not have been mad if I had bought something sensible,
> > just
> > >> a bit annoyed that I had not included her. This is not because she
> > >> wants to dicate things to me, it's because if I had been thinking
> > about
> > >> what is good for us rather than me.
> > >>
> > >> 3) I was wrong, I will admit it.
> > >>
> > >> 4) She told me that if I wanted the car, I could keep it if it was
> > what
> > >> I wanted, and she meant it.
> > >>
> > >> 5) We tried to return the vehicle. There is no 72 hours right of
> > >> rescission on automobiles.
> > >>
> > >> 5) We were going to trade it for something else (the dealer gave us
> > >> this choice) but there was nothing else in my price range that I
> > liked.
> > >>
> > >> 6) We've decided to keep it and sell it outright. I feel that I
> > can
> > >> get at least what I put into the vehicle since it's below blue
> > book.
> > >>
> > >> 7) I'm taking her out tonight to Carraba's for some delicious
> > mussels.
> > >>
> > >> 8) She's a wonderful, understanding person. She was just extremely
> > >> upset that I did this without her input.
> > >>
> > >> 9) I actually think she likes the car, now that she's seen it, and
> > she
> > >> will like it more after I take her out in it tonight.
> > >>
> > >> 10) Thank for your input.
> > >>
> > >> 11) This car is WAY faster than Tim's.
> > >>
> > >> - Matt Small
> > >>
> > >> On Monday, December 29, 2003, at 11:20 AM, Andre Turrettini wrote:
> > >>
> > >> > This is true. Matt, Can you give us more insight into her stong
> > >> > response?
> > >> > DRE
> > >> >
> > >> > -----Original Message-----
> > >> > From: dana tierney [mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED]
> > >> > Sent: Monday, December 29, 2003 8:18 AM
> > >> > To: CF-Community
> > >> > Subject: Re:I think I'm in trouble
> > >> >
> > >> > He's right tho, if my SO tried to dictate the car I could buy I
> > would
> > >> > run
> > >> > like hell in the other direction. Unless he was buying it for
> > me; at
> > >> > that
> > >> > point he deserves some say. Sorry Matt but imho this is a major
> > red
> > >> > flag
> > >> > which you ignore at your peril.
> > >> >
> > >> > Dana
> > >> >
> > >> > >Mike,
> > >> > > You're either single or have the most tolerant wife on the
> > planet!
> > >> > >"perhaps the marriage is just not meant to be"... you're
> > killing me,
> > >> > Man.
> > >> > >
> > >> > >~Simon
> > >> > >
> > >> > >Simon Horwith
> > >> > >CTO, Etrilogy Ltd.
> > >> > >Member of Team Macromedia
> > >> > >Macromedia Certified Instructor
> > >> > >Certified Advanced ColdFusion MX Developer
> > >> > >Certified Flash MX Developer
> > >> > >CFDJList - List Administrator
> > >> > >http://www.how2cf.com/
> > >> > >
> > >> > > -----Original Message-----
> > >> > > From: Haggerty, Mike [mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED]
> > >> > > Sent: 29 December 2003 15:23
> > >> > > To: CF-Community
> > >> > > Subject: RE: I think I'm in trouble
> > >> > >
> > >> > >
> > >> > > Keep the car, give it a name, add nitrous, flourescent
> > lights, a
> > >> > tricked
> > >> > > out odometer and racing seats. Put a big sticker on the back
> > >> > windshield
> > >> > > indicating you are part of a street racing team.
> > >> > >
> > >> > > What was the name of the car Will Farrell's character drove
> > in Old
> > >> > > School? If your wife can't deal with you having a cool ride,
> > which
> > >> > is a
> > >> > > part of your identify, perhaps the marriage is just not meant
> > to be.
> > >> > > Imagine what life will be like in 20 years when she becomes
> > >> > hysterical
> > >> > > over a bunch of doylies over or something - you do not want
> > that.
> > >> > It's
> > >> > > going to be lemonade and cucumber sandwiches instead of beer
> > and
> > >> > chicken
> > >> > > wings, and that ain't right. Put your foot down and keep your
> > >> > dignity.
> > >> > >
> > >> > > M
> > >> > >
> > >> > > -----Original Message-----
> > >> > > From: Matthew Small [mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED]
> > >> > > Sent: Saturday, December 27, 2003 11:43 PM
> > >> > > To: CF-Community
> > >> > > Subject: I think I'm in trouble
> > >> > >
> > >> > > I pulled a boner today.
> > >> > >
> > >> > > I'm in the market for a new vehicle, since the truck that I'm
> > >> > driving,
> > >> > > while good looking and well running, has 173,000 miles on
> > it. It's
> > >> > a
> > >> > > 1995 Chevy Silverado, 4x4. My fiancee loves the thing, thinks
> > it's
> > >> > the
> > >> > > manliest truck on this earth. For the record, she's 23, I'm
> > 31, we
> > >> > > don't live together, and she's never had a FT job before
> > since she
> > >> > just
> > >> > > graduated Grad School with an MBA. She's a lovely girl, just a
> > >> > little
> > >> > > idealistic sometimes due to youth.
> > >> > >
> > >> > > So I go out today, just browsing and this car catches my eye
> > - it'
> > >> > s a
> > >> > > 2001 Mustang GT. Worse yet, it's a Mustang GT Bullitt - a
> > Steve
> > >> > > McQueen style race car. So I test drive it, am unnaturally
> > scared to
> > >> > > death of it, and then buy it. I figure since it's only got
> > 38,000
> > >> > on
> > >> > > the odometer, that it will get getter mileage than the giant
> > truck,
> > >> > and
> > >> > > that she also has a Mustang that this will resonant well with
> > the
> > >> > > fiancee.
> > >> > >
> > >> > > Anyway, I proceed to call her after I buy it and she starts
> > crying
> > >> > > because I got rid of the truck. She's a bit emotional too
> > >> > sometimes.
> > >> > > Please don't get the wrong idea, she's great, but emotional
> > about
> > >> > > things sometimes.
> > >> > >
> > >> > > Let me tell you a little bit more about the car - it's
> > unbelievably
> > >> > > fast. I don't know the stats, but the car has some sort of
> > mod
> > >> > chip in
> > >> > > it that pushes it to 305 HP. It's a five speed ass haulin'
> > trip to
> > >> > the
> > >> > > hospital then to jail for wreckless driving. I admit that
> > I'm a
> > >> > freak
> > >> > > for speed sometimes. This is without doubt the fastest car
> > I've
> > >> > ever
> > >> > > been in. Anyway, it's a cool little thing with all of the
> > bells and
> > >> > > whistles.
> > >> > >
> > >> > > We're not going to have any children soon, so that not an
> > issue, but
> > >> > > she did say that she thought I was going to get something more
> > >> > "yuppie"
> > >> > > - like an SUV or BMW or something like that.
> > >> > >
> > >> > > Anyway, that's the boner. I think I'm going to take the car
> > back
> > >> > > tomorrow morning and get the truck back. Any comments from my
> > >> > friends
> > >> > > on the list?
> > >> > >
> > >> > > - Matt Small
> > >> > >
> > >> > _____
> > >> <image.tiff>
> > >> >
> > >> >
> > >>
> <image.tiff>
> >
> >
>
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