Greetings. Well, better late than never... I hope I have all the notes I made flagged properly. (That makes it sound like there's a gazillion, doesn't it? No worries, there's just a few. :-) )
I decided not to speak to the over-all flow of the reshuffled document. It's too hard, what with there only being the three disconnected chapters and all of the deletions, etc. My brain is too tired, other than to say that, reading your comments, the shuffles make sense. So, without further ado (and please ignore my "imperative" phrasing): 1) List of Tables (p. 9) Table 3-2 should be deleted. (This is probably automated, and hasn't happened because the table is only crossed out?) 2) p. 14 Learn to Improve Your Style - the tense changes from the sentence to the bullet points. "needed" should be "needs", "expected" should be "expects", "could" should be "can". 3) p. 39 There is a reference (just past half-way down) to Sun documentation. Sun is unnecessary; they are problematic in any technical documentation. 4) p 41 Similarly, the reference to Sun locales is unnecessary. (I know what you're saying, but it may be worthwhile to phrase the whole sentence more generically. The readers will not be writing "Sun" documentation, but OpenSolaris documentation.) 5) p. 41 I would suggest: "...surrounding context, and the best alternative..." instead of "your". 6) p. 43 The second item on the list has an example that doesn't use the suggested alternative. I think the suggested alternative should be "nearby". I think "For quick retrieval" is a phrase that typically wouldn't be used (hence changing the sugg. alt., rather than the example). 7) p. 43 I would reword the "Set aside" correct example: "...grounded mat before removing the housing." While I often try to do it myself, taking off a housing or cover is much harder when you're still putting down your tools. ;-) 8) p. 82 I think the "to" is awkward in the example, and would just drop it. The sentences would then become: "You can require passwords be changed regularly." It's still a little awkward, but I think less so. I've been away from serious professional writing for far too long to emphatically say which is more grammatically correct (and my British-based Canadian English may differ from American English on the more subtle rules anyway). Perhaps: "You can require regular changing of passwords."? Or: "You can configure the system to force the regular changing of passwords."? And that's all I've been able to find. :-) You've done a really great job. I wish I could give more effective feedback on how the whole document will flow with the shuffles; perhaps when I can see more of it (or refer back to the full doc from last summer) in context. Thanks for your hard work in moving this document forward. It really is appreciated. Rainer This message posted from opensolaris.org
