--- In FairfieldLife@yahoogroups.com, "authfriend" <jstein@...> wrote: > > --- In FairfieldLife@yahoogroups.com, "curtisdeltablues" <curtisdeltablues@> > wrote: > > > > -- In FairfieldLife@yahoogroups.com, "authfriend" <jstein@> wrote: > > > > > > --- In FairfieldLife@yahoogroups.com, "seventhray1" <steve.sundur@> wrote: > > > <snip> > > > > Sal thought about it, and realized that she didn't need to take > > > > this kind of abuse. Again, I'm not saying she didn't fling > > > > plenty of sh*t herself. > > > > > > Sal, IMHO, is a bully, an exceptionally nasty one, > > > > I had an interesting discussion with the principle > > Principal.
Ouch! Right, she is my pal, damn! > > of a > > Middle School last week after presenting the school with > > an assembly concerning bullying and creating a culture of > > respect in a school. She told me that because of the > > focus on bullying today, students are misusing the term, > > as you have here, > > I don't know whether students are "misusing the term," but > I wasn't. Check Mr. Dictionary, please. > > I suspect the principal has adopted the "power differential" > sense of the term because it serves her purposes in educating > the children. No, it is a part of all the definitions I read, Websters' for example. Do you think we can't look things up too? But more importantly, there is a whole body of knowledge about bullying behavior that I am referencing. There is no use of the term in a social situations that doesn't include this important piece. You know this, which is why you chose the term as adding more inappropriate drama to your charge. Bosses can bully employees, but employees can only harass each other if they are on the same level of the organization. > > But we can easily fix my use so it's in accord with hers > by simply adding the words "trying to." > > as a way of getting leverage over other students using what has become a > magic word. (Happily my show met her expectations of focus.) > > > > Sal is not in a position to "bully" people here because she > > has no power differential with any other adult who chooses > > to post here. > > Actually she does; see below. But that's not a requirement > for the characterization. > > > What you are mischaracterizing as bullying is your judgement > > that Sal was being unfriendly to others maybe. > > No, I meant "bullying" in the more general sense of the term. All the definitions I have read contain the power differential as a part of what defines it as bullying. You have to go to uncommon usage to find examples of it being used any other way. > > > (In the context of your use of the term "stupid, stupid Sal" > > exactly one kajillion times that seems a bit hypocritical.) > > You seem to have a lot of trouble grasping the "taste of > one's own medicine" concept. I understand how you are using it. When you do it, it is a taste of ..., when others do it is hypocrisy. > > > I might characterize her as being bitingly sarcastic, and you > > are welcome to say that she was some other version of poopy > > pants, but she was not a bully here. > > > > It is interesting that the one person who actually did try to > > gain some technological leverage over others here, and got > > bounced for it, never earned your use of the term. > > "Technological leverage"? No idea what you're talking about. Flooding search engines and outing people oneline. > > As to "bullying" in the standard sense, I refer you back > to my metaphor of Nabby's toy gun with the flag that says > "Bang," Ravi's gun that shot spitballs, and Barry's gun > that shoots real bullets. Sal's gun also shot real bullets, > but her aim was even worse than Barry's. > > > You didn't like Sal and she didn't like you. Neither of you > > were in a position to bully anyone by being mean or bitingly > > sarcastic, depending on your slant on it. > > I disagree. > > > But bullying is a different thing, > > Can be. Not "is." > > > and the distinction is important. The Principle described to me how > students use it whenever someone is being mean to them or doing something > they consider not nice. This is a breakdown in our social relationships to > hand over our power to others like this. It stunts their emotional > intelligence growth to pull this rip cord in discussions that could be > handled better without resorting to this inappropriate inflammatory label. > Plus it dilutes a term which in its proper context is serious. > > > > Since you know the distinctions that define this term, I can > > only conclude that you are unfairly loading your language to > > make it seem as if she was actually capable of violating > > someone in a lower power position. > > Actually, you are pretending an optional distinction > is mandatory in an attempt to make me wrong. I'm sure > you're familiar with the term "cyberbullying." There > aren't many instances of "power differentials" in > cyberspace, but the term is commonly used to refer to > peer-to-peer interaction. Cyberbullying would be another mischaracterization of Sal's behavior if you used it for her. The power differential in this case is flooding social interaction groups with negative material about someone. It is not a term properly used in the kind of interactions we have here. > One might, however, make a case for the creation on > forums like FFL of ad hoc power differentials via a > person's alliance with a clique of the more forceful, > prominent posters. In that sense, Sal's alliance with > Barry's clique could be said to create a power > differential between her and many of the folks she > habitually beat up on who are not so allied. This is not a term used for adults for good reason. We don't have to be a part of this social group, we can just leave. Our income is not dependent on it and we are under no obligation to stay as kids are in schools where this behavior occurs. Now you are attempting to ruin the important distinctions of another term to avoid just copping to your misuse. > > > This would be much worse than just letting someone have it > > here. It adds an element of drama to a fairly common > > situation in an attempt to spin it as more than that. > > As usual, Curtis, the spinning is all yours. Nice try, > no cigar. Sal never bullied anyone here. Your use of the term has been called out. The fact that you would double down could have been predicted. I still can't believe I misspelled Principal! > > > > > > > But you aren't bullying her by your inflated misuse of language. We don't > > have that ability with each other. > > > > > > > > > > > > and a > > > dishonest one at that (as you yourself have reason to know, > > > Steve). If she couldn't deal with getting a taste of her > > > own medicine from me, maybe she'll have learned something > > > from that. Hopefully her hypothetical therapist will help > > > her recognize it's not OK for her to gratuitously take out > > > her own private hurts, whatever they may be, on other > > > people. > > > > > >
