RE: Need encouragement, PLEASE

[Hideyo Yamamoto]

Dear Patti,   I can soooooooooooooooooooooooooooo relate to what you are going through – being rescued so many feral in the past  and losing some of my feral in a similar situation, I can’t emphasize enough!    First of all – I know you are feeling guilty – and would feel the same way if I were in your shoe because I have.... but I am going to contradict myself – DON’T --- “guilt” is not a productive emotion for you or for your kitty or for  this situation, so for now, let’s put the guilty feeling aside and let’s focus and figure out what you can do for the kitty   I have been in situations where some one else was taking care of my feral and they got out (of the place they had no idea where they were and there were bunch of coyotes out there) --- and it almost killed me with guilt – here I am – I trapped them trying to give them a better life – now they were out in wild where coyotes are and they have no idea where they are – at least, before I trapped them, they were at a safe place ---I wanted to beat myself up so badly for what I have caused them …   But I was finally able to re-trap two out of three that escaped  – it took a month but I never gave up ---  put hundreds of flyers out and hang on every single door of the neighbood (over 1,000 of them) and both of the cats are with me now, and they are very happy – I just never was able to find their mom – which I still cry from a quilt, which was over three years ago..   My suggestion – continue to put the food out – she will need to eat – so regardless, please continue to put the food out for her – if she has not come back yet, she will eventually come where the food is – that’s the most critical thing of all.   Second of all – put flyers out in your neigh hood with a description – don’t put on the posts on the street, but put it on the door know of each front door with your phone number where they can leave a message  – if you would like me to, I can email you a copy of the flyer I use for my feral cats – more eyes are better than two eyes and that’s how I always was reunited with my missing cats – people called me - ask them if they see your kitty, what time of the day they see and what she was doing, and where she was coming from and was going, how she was acting.. Most likely, she will hide during the daytime, and she will come for food at night – but tell the flyer not to make any eye contact with her or try to catch her or anything.. Just ask them to simply call you with the information.. and ask if they think they see her, start putting the food out for her so that you can eventually catch her (and you can offer to give food to put out)   Obviously she did not like being a crate – and if you every catch her again, maybe you could let her be free in the house.. I have lots of feral running around the house, and they are happy that way.   It’s going to be hard to re-trap a female kitty which has been trapped in the past – but it’s possible – you just have to be tricky --- what kind of trap do you use?  I have one with a gilton door (made by tru trap) which is much easier to use than other kinds) ---please call me, if you are interested, I can explain to you how you can re-trap her – the mean time, continue to put the food out –   In my experience you have about 75% of chance to re-trap her again, you just have to be patient and not to give up  as it might take a while, but it’s very possible ---- but you are really have to try hard ---- see when you do this, you will have no more room for feeling guilty, because you are going to be very busy with trying to take care of her ---my advise is that, if she did not grow up in the very area she escaped, I would try to re-trap her because it’s much more risk for her to re-establish everything in a new area .. again, you will have to do step by step.. but you can --- so don’t give up --- we do this all the time…you WILL find her!   If you need to talk, please feel free to call me 505-244-0200 or 505-839-3287   One more thing, if you want to talk to AC to see how she is doing (if you want to talk to Jasmine – my AC, let me know- I can give you her number as well) I also have a meditation where I use when a kitty is missing – this works very well – let me know if you would like, I would email it to you, too (that’s how I was reunited with George – it worked like a miracle)   Good luck!   Hideyo   ---     From: [EMAIL PROTECTED] [mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED] On Behalf Of [EMAIL PROTECTED] Sent: Thursday, October 06, 2005 4:58 PM To: felvtalk@felineleukemia.org Subject: Need encouragement, PLEASE   Dear List, I am feeling VERY downtrodden & blue.  I don't know what to do, where to turn.  I FEEL SO OVER-RIDDEN w/ guilt, I can't stop crying.....   It's a long story, I will try to condense. Kerry is a little familiar as she is also on the Four Paws Feral list, and also I have mentioned "Charity's" store on this list. (Although she is FELV-)   Early in July, some cruel, a**hole dumped a box under my neighbor's bushes which contained a young Mama & 2, 5 week old kittens. Needless to say, since the box was NOT secure, Mama escaped, (apparently to try to find her way "HOME" to the low-lifes that dumped her! I can not, nor will I EVER be able to understand the love & dedication an innocent baby will demonstrate toward the sc*m that abused her!!!)   Anyway, I took the babies in, since they needed to be bottle fed & would have died if left to the elements, or predators. Several days later, I noticed the poor, bedraggled Mama had made it back, looking for her babies, & was hanging out down by the barn. I immediately got a Hav-A-Heart trap, and had her in less than 10 minutes. She was dirty, starved...broke my heart. But, it did not break her spirit!!! On moving her from trap to crate, she somehow got hold of my hand & BIT me down to bone. OUCH!! But, how could I blame her??? Poor thing, dumped like garbage along w/ her babies.... No wonder she had NO trust of people. So, wound cleaned up, I transfered her to crate & made imm. arrangements for exam, vx's, testing & spay. I named her "Charity".   She tested negative, YEAH!!!  Rec'd vx.'s (all BUT FELV, the low cost clinic does NOT vx against Felv as part of their low cost program) & was spayed. I set her up in a large crate in barn, working daily w/ her to win her over. What an ordeal....it was almost comical at times. (Except for the times she nailed me!!) But, I did NOT give up and w/ advice & encouragement from several people exp. w/ ferals, I kept at it. I got several long, plumey feathers to stroke her with, and I SWEAR, she enjoyed the touch.  Often, I would catch a glimpse of her w/ her head tilted back, eyes closed, could almost "hear" her saying, "Awwww, that feels mah-ve;lus Dah-ling, keep it up!"   As the weeks, months passed, she'd venture to front of crate, just to sit & "observe" my every move". She was beginning to trust me at last......   Finally, last week, she'd allow me to present her food, right to her as she "lounged" in her sherpa lined bed at the back of her "digs". She'd actually nibble as I still held bowl... Things were looking up for sure. There was NO MORE FEAR IN HER EYES!!!  SHE TRUSTED ME! I HAD MADE A FRIEND!!!!!   However, Wednesday evening, despite all as usual, she BOLTED out of the crate and made a bee-line for the small opening near the far end of the barn.... She literally SQUEEZED her small body thru the crack & was GONE!!!   Immediately, I ran out, but there was NO sight of her!! I am sick! Now, she HAS been confined to barn area foer OVER a month, so I know she has a "feeling" it is "HOME".   That nite, I left the door slightly ajar, along w/ food, water & her favorite ~ chicken. I then placed her bed next to the food. It has a godish~yellow corduroy cushion, which had just been laundered. (This was the cushion she had used when I first realized shw was seeking shelter in the barn. At that time there were tell-tale signs of grey hair.)   Yesterday morning, I noticed that there were the tell-tale grey hairs on the cushion, the water had been sipped & the dry food was scattered a little over the placemat, as if she'd been nibbling. BUT THE CHICKEN HAD NOT been touched at all!!!   Had she come back, ate, drank & napped and took off again??? I scoured the neighborhood, speaking to neighbors, and strangers, put up signs, BUT NO ONE HAS SEEN HER!! Many look at me like I am crazy when I explain she is "feral". One even went so far as to tell me that she is 'better off" on the run!! (Oh, it is so hard to LIKE people!!!)   I am sick!!!  Did I let this girl down??? I did all I could....she was actually starting to TRUST ME!! OR, was she "playing me", just waiting for the right moment to escape???   Any ideas, suggestions? Should I attempt to re-trap??? (BUT IT WAS SO,SO EVIDENT SHE HATED BEING CAGED, TRAPPED LIKE THAT!!!   I live near a VERY busy road.... So far, I have been too frightened to search the roads,,,   Oh, what do I do? Please help. MY HEART IS BROKEN WITH GRIEF & GUILT.   Patti