Cassandra you and Kisa are in my thoughts and prayers.
Does the anxiety and sadness ever go away? I feel as though
I am still in shock with the diagnosis. I feel I am back to the place
I was when my 19 year old (NoNo) was failing and I would wake up every
few hours to make sure she was ok. The feelings of impending loss
and sadness became like a low grade fever for many months. When it
became clear that she was in pain and had to cross, I was prepared and
relieved to be free of the fear and anxiety and sadness that became a
part
of the end of her long and happy life and our infinite bond.
When I brought this kitten (MeMe) home, I was exhilarated by her
sweetness and
smitten by the antics of a young cat. It had been a long time since
someone had
propelled themselves across the room from a counter top to the back of
my neck.
She sleeps between us in the same spot that NoNo had for 19 years.
The Feline Leukemia diagnosis has brought back the sadness and
bittersweet feelings
of loss and mortality and connectedness. While I am committed to doing
whatever I can to
give her the best care and support available, will I ever be able to
hold her and kiss her
without a surge of sadness and regret and longing? Does the shock of
this disease ever move
to a place of acceptance and appreciation for the present time and
moment.
I realize that what I am asking has to do with my own consciousness and
ability to live in
the moment with gratitude that I selected this dear, sweet being to
love and care for.
She's sitting on my lap, purring and I am typing. I guess that is an
answer.
Thanks for listening.
Jane
