I'll take this one for now, Lawry: >I'm sorry you had so much heartbreak with your Israeli girlfriend. Of course, >I don't know what happened in this sad situation, but would offer softly the >suggestion that it may fall more into the normal sometimes ugly domain of >male-female relations than it has anything to do with her being Jewish.... My >apologies, Viggo, if this is too personal a comment.
No apology needed, but your assumption about normality is wrong, they were not normal people in that family. I thought you would know what the word "dysfunctional" means, when you used it yourself? :) In our past it was not a conflict between her and me, but between her parents on one side and her, me and my parents on the other. She needed her parents to agree to the marriage, because that's how they had raised her, and they never did. The primary reason for the conflict between her and I in 2010 was that she has complete amnesia (100%!) about our whole past relationship since opening the door for me in her parents house in 1967, and because she refused to take it seriously. Anybody normal would be terrified by realizing that 15 months of their youth about a relationship destined for marriage had completely vanished from their memories. Not her. Instead she told me that her memories had been "automatically deleted", and that it didn't matter, it was "just a few facts" she didn't remember! Ever heard that one before, Lawry? Shouldn't she tell science about that or at least a therapist? My attempts to get her to talk with a therapist resulted in her making up a vicious lie about her "doctor" having agreed with her that there was nothing wrong with her, it was me that needed "treatment"! Because I have never been married, so there had to be something seriously wrong with me! How about that? She got one week more of that kind of vicious attacks on me, then I pulled the plug on her. I don't want another word from her ever again, until and unless she has been in therapy and made some progress. So our relationship is over for the rest of our lives, because she will never do anything about it. It's understandable. She would be going through mental hellfire and back in therapy, and she knows it somewhere in that mind of hers looking out on me and our past like looking into a shattered mirror that distorts everything. She should have seen a therapist no later than 1969, and her parents should have done it, while she was still a baby! Her father forced her into a loveless marriage that lasted for 20 years, because he had to be dead and buried, before she would dare to even think about breaking out of that marriage. And when he was dead and buried she did, within a year or two. Unless she goes into therapy I can't have anything to do with her, because I am the reason for the longest and worst conflict she ever had with her parents, and she is not on my side against them anymore about the marriage, but on their side, her now dead parents, against me! This despite the fact that the first to mention marriage in our letters right after my return home from Israel in 1967 was her, not me. I hadn't even thought about it! Yes, I had come to love her, but I had left Israel with the impression caused by her that that was that, we would be going back to being just penpals again. It has everything to do with them being Jewish, because at the bottom of this you'll find Holocaust. It had made her parents unfit for marriage and parenthood, who then in turn made her unfit for it. She grew up with parents that never loved each other, and now she has a daughter that has had the same upbringing. The daughter has 3 kids. I don't know if her marriage is also the same loveless marriage crap, but for the sake of her kids I hope not. There's a whole book in it, but obviously it shouldn't be posted to a list like futurework, even if there's a lot to be learned from it. I learn from it all the time. I write thousands of lines to her, which she will never get to read, not a word of it! I tried for more than 2 months, it can't be done. We would end up hating each other, and I will not allow that too to happen to us. It went far enough into DestructiveLand in 2010, too far in fact. Just one last detail here, the end of the story so far: I had created a Gmail account for her to use for our mails and added an address for my domain to the contact list. When I had realized how stupid that had been of me it was too late, she also had it in a mail from me that she had printed out. A couple of months ago, after more than 2 years of silence between us, I received 2 forwarded mails to my mailserver from her without a word in them from herself! They contained a few forward addresses, a link to a Jaffa photo site and 2 animated image attachments with butterflies, birds and snow landscape with some "romantic" piano and orchestra music that she should know that I would never want to hear. And a comment from the original posters about enjoying these examples of "God's wonderful creations." What the h...? And then I laugh my head off. I didn't know what I was up against with her parents in our past, but she doesn't know what she's up against with me now! "I loved you so much, Viggo", "Don't think for one second that I ever forgot about you." That she could tell me in 2010, but not how much she had wanted to marry me, even if she proved it by fighting with her parents about it for 15 months. She has to be able to admit that too, because I will not compromise with her about what I know to be the truth about our past, because I remember how it was. And then I laugh again. I was thinking about setting my mailserver to reject mails from her, should she do it again, but also set it to make a copy to me, which she'll never know about. But no, she has no way of knowing if I saw those 2 mails at all, and for all I care she can send all the mails to me that she wants for the rest of her life, as long as she has no idea whether I got to see any of them. *IF* she tells me in a mail that she's sorry and is beginning to understand it all and therefore is talking with a therapist, *THEN* I will reply. Without it, no way. Viggo. _______________________________________________ Futurework mailing list [email protected] https://lists.uwaterloo.ca/mailman/listinfo/futurework
