Joanne wrote:
>>> Since I have all of my [late] mom's things to
deal with, this is something I have thought about.
... There are things that Mom kept I am grateful for:
Her mother's beauty school student card, a letter she wrote to me when I was young (haven't read that one yet)...
... There are things that Mom kept I am grateful for:
Her mother's beauty school student card, a letter she wrote to me when I was young (haven't read that one yet)...
T***: Pardon my asking, and I'm not being
judgemental, but why haven't read it yet? Surely something of beauty, such as
it's likely to be, can't bring any pain? Maybe some sadness at your loss, but
also another reminder of why you - and others - loved her? This
triggers issues of my own, as my father passed away last year. Initially,
my sister and I couldn't bear to look at any photos of our pop, but then I
realised that we should actually do just that; look at those pictures and
celebrate his gentleness, his sense of humour, his warmth.
By looking away from his photos, we seemed to be
saying that he had done something "bad" by passing away; that there was
something dishonorable about his leaving us. And if looking at his picture or
anything else that reminds us of him, makes us feel a bit tearful, that's
only a reminder that we're human. I'm grateful that he and my mother raised
children who are capable of feeling; capable of shedding tears. I'm
also grateful that I had a father worth shedding tears over.
>>> ...Mom and I shared a love of knitting and
sewing - I will find much joy in creating clothes from some of her fabric
and yarn. I hope that there are 3 of the pictures she painted while I was
in high school me and my siblings can each have one.
As I go through her things, I am sure there are other things that will add value to my life or to the lives of family and friends.
As I go through her things, I am sure there are other things that will add value to my life or to the lives of family and friends.
>>> ...The bad side of having her things:
Mom left tons of stuff, I really wish there was less. Sometimes I'm irritated at her for leaving me so much stuff to deal with. Sometimes I'm irritated at myself that I wasn't ready to begin dealing with her things right after her funeral when my brother and sister-in-law could have helped me, and irritated at myself that I am not able to accept help from others. Because of the finality of deciding what to do with her things, it makes deciding what to do with my own things look easy.
>>> ...I don't want someone to have to wade through
clutter I left. I also don't want people wishing I hadn't thrown away
things that would have added value to their
life.
Joanne
Joanne
T***: Thank you, Joanne, for a
very personal and honest account. While they also raise some nuts-and-bolts
practical issues, I found your words quite
moving.
