On Fri, 22 Sep 2000, Louis Lynch wrote:
> I also received private posts from other people on the list, gay and
> straight, who agree that the couple shouldn't have made such a big public
> deal of their split -- or the fatherhood in the first place.
I don't know that *they* made a big public deal about the split. They
made an announcement, routine for celebrity couples in such circumstances,
about which the *media* made a big deal, in part due to the publicity they
themselves instigated about the fatherhood, an act about which I've also
expressed my reservations, but in part due to the media's simultaneous
fascination with/revulsion by lesbianism.
> In your heart, are you PROUD of
> the fact that a lesbian couple who publicized their family on the cover of
> Rolling Stone are now giving up on that family after less than a year?
You keep saying less than a year. Cypher and Etheridge had been together
for something going on EIGHT years, and their older child is at least
three or four years old. (My exact numbers are probably off; frankly I
don't CARE enough about Melissa Etheridge to follow her personal life.
Nonetheless, their family has been around for more than a year.)
It's less than a year since the RS cover. Unfortunate timing, I suppose,
but all that suggests to me is that there were probably unreported
difficulties in their relationship at the time of the story. Who are we
to fault them for that?
Frankly, I'm far more concerned that Cypher and Etheridge make the best
decision they know how to make for themselves and their children
(ostensibly your concern, too), not how their decision affects the gay
rights movement (which, incidentally, is not monolithically interested in
marriage rights--please stop assuming that gay people are one big uniform
bloc).
And yes, I'm PROUD that they seem to be weathering an extremely difficult
time for themselves and their family with as much strength as they can
muster.
> Perhaps if you'd stop racing to call me names, you could slow down and see
> my point. Homosexuals want to be accepted in a world where more than 90% of
> the population (actually, 97%) are heterosexual -- gays want "heteros" to
> understand their viewpoints, and to acknowledge their rights to marry
> publicly and raise children and have shared legal benefits.
Is that your point? Because it's not what you said it was. You said it
was concern for the children. Which is it?
In the event it's both, I'll just say that the gay movement will have
truly accomplished something when queers are allowed to be
people--fallible, challenged, vulnerable people--who despite their
failings are entitled to certain basic rights straight fallible,
challenged, vulnerable people enjoy as well.
To that end, I think the challenges of Etheridge's and Cypher's
relationship reveal the *similarities* between straight and gay
relationships and families at least as much as they supposedly undermine
the case for gay parenting.
> But, when it comes to making a minor attempt to understand why a "hetero"
> like me might have a different viewpoint, forget it. Just call me a
> homophobe and be done with it. And then call ME close minded.
No one besides me has yet used the homophobic word (on list at least) and
I used it in reference to your opinion, not you. Specifically, I used it
in reference to your characterization of Cypher and Etheridge as mere
children with dolls, completely nonchalant and unconcerned about their
children. If that characterization wasn't homophobic, it was at least
cruel.
> And, if you think I am homophobic, you'd better stay out of the deep South
> and Utah, Buddy!
Girl, I'm from Texas. I know Southern homophobia as well as anybody.
Matters of degree don't vitiate the underlying fact: that we all, at least
in the Western world, are prone to homophobic (and racist and sexist and
classist...) evaluations from at least time to time. That includes
queers. That includes me. Given that fact, we must a) address and b)
understand those impulses at every step. We made great hay of addressing
and understanding Eminem's homophobic words and actions (of far greater
virulence and extremity than those expressed by you); now I am merely
attempting to be consistent.
> I keep learning more and more about different lifestyles -- and this list
> has been helpful. I appreciate the discourse, even some of the more peppery
> stuff.
Ditto.
Michael
NP: Madonna, _Music_
