> If you're under 50, this may be amusing. If you're over 50, this is > probably reality. :) > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ > > I felt like my body had gotten totally out of shape so I asked my > doctor's permission if I could go to a fitness club to start exercising. > > He said I could take an aerobics class for seniors so I joined one. The > first time I went, I bent, I twisted, I gyrated, I jumped up, I jumped > down, and I perspired for more than an hour. > > By the time I got my leotards on, the class was over. > > ***************************************************************** > > Chapter 1: THE PERKS OF BEING OVER 50 > > 1. Kidnappers are not very interested in you. > > 2. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first. > > 3. No one expects you to run a marathon. > > 4. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac. > > 5. There is nothing left to learn the hard way. > > 6. Things you buy now won't wear out. > > 7. You can live without sex but not without glasses. > > 8. You get into heated arguments about pension plans. > > 9. You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it. > > 10 You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge. > > 11. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off. > > 12. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember > them either. > > > > Chapter 2: GAMES FOR WHEN YOU ARE OLDER > > 1. Sag, You're it. > > 2. Pin the Toupee on the Bald Guy. > > 3. 20 questions shouted into your good ear. > > 4. Kick the bucket. > > 5. Red Rover, Red Rover, the nurse says Bend Over. > > 6. Doc, Doc, Goose. > > 7. Simon says something incoherent. > > 8. Hide and go pee. > > 9. Spin the Bottle of Mylanta. > > 10. Musical recliners. > > > > Chapter 3: SIGNS OF MENOPAUSE > > 1. You sell your home heating system at a yard sale. > > 2. Your husband jokes that instead of buying a wood stove, he is using > you to heat the room this winter. Rather than just saying you're not > amused, you shoot him. > > 3. You have to write post-it notes with your kids' names on them. > > 4. The Phenobarbital dose that wiped out the Heaven's Gate Cult gives > you four hours of decent rest. > > 5. You change your underwear after every sneeze. > > > > Chapter 4: SIGNS OF WHERE... > > 1. "OLD" IS WHEN..... Your sweetie says, "Let's go upstairs and make > love," and you answer, "Pick one, I can't do both!" > > 2. "OLD" IS WHEN..... Your friends compliment you on your new alligator > shoes, and you're barefoot. > > 3. "OLD" IS WHEN..... A sexy babe catches your fancy and your pacemaker > opens the garage door. > > 4. "OLD" IS WHEN..... Going braless pulls all the wrinkles out of your > face. > > 5. "OLD" IS WHEN..... You don't care where your spouse goes, just as > long as you don't have to go along. > > 6. "OLD" IS WHEN..... You are cautioned to slow down by the doctor > instead of by the police. > > 7. "OLD" IS WHEN..... "Getting a little action" means I don't need to > take any fiber today. > > 8. "OLD" IS WHEN..... "Getting lucky" means you find your car in the > parking lot. > > 9. "OLD" IS WHEN..... An "all-nighter" means not getting up to pee.
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