Bizarre processes of the mind

[Brad HALLETT]

For the last hour I have been shampooing the carpets with this whizzbang machine I hired from Woolies, when suddenly it dawned on me - The job is so mind-numbingly boring that I started thinking.  Thought so many thoughts there were'nt a thought I hadn't thunk (Violent Femmes)   Tadah!!!!   I have devised a way to build a flow bench from a carpet shampoo machine.  Using dyed detergent, the long term foaming shit, I reckon I can trace easily the airflow under vacuum of a cylinder head port using video equipment and my PC.      Then again maybe I should just have a labotomy......   And for all those other henpecked 'cause without a rebel' types, here is my list of all time favourite bitch jokes.  f you are easily offended ring Lifeline.   > >>> > Why did God create woman?  > >>> > To carry semen from the bedroom to the toilet.  > >>> >  > >>> > If the dove is the bird of peace, what is the bird of true love?  > >>> > The swallow  > >>> >  > >>> > How do you annoy your girlfriend during sex?  > >>> > Phone her.  > >>> >  > >>> > Why do women fake orgasms?  > >>> > Because they think men care.  > >>> >  > >>> > What is the definition of "making love"?  > >>> > Something a woman does while a guy is screwing her.  > >>> >  > >>> > What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?  > >>> > Slow down and use a lubricant.  > >>> >  > >>> > How many sexists does it take to change a light bulb?  > >>> > None, let the bitch cook in the dark.  > >>> >  > >>> > What's the difference between pre-menstrual tension and B.S.E?  > >>> > One's mad cow disease, the other's an agricultural problem.  > >>> >  > >>> > What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes?  > >>> > Nothing, she's been told twice already.  > >>> >  > >>> > How many men does it take to open a beer?  > >>> > None. It should be opened by the time she brings it  > >>> >  > >>> > How do you turn a fox into an elephant?  > >>> > Marry it!  > >>> >  > >>> > What is the difference between a battery and a woman?  > >>> > A battery has a positive side.  > >>> >  > >>> > What are the three fastest means of communication?  > >>> > 1) Internet  > >>> > 2) Telephone  > >>> > 3) Telawoman  > >>> >  > >>> > Why do hunters make the best lovers?  > >>> > Because they go deep in the bush, shoot more than once and they eat what  > >>> > they shoot.  > >>> >  > >>> > How are fat girls and mopeds alike?  > >>> > They're both fun to ride until your friends find out  > >>> >  > >>> > What should you give a woman who has everything?  > >>> > A man to show her how to work it.  > >>> >  > >>> > How are twisters (tornadoes) and marriage alike? They  both begin with a  > >>> > lot  > >>> > of blowing and sucking, and in the end you lose your house.  > >>> >  > >>> > Why does a bride smile when she walks up the aisle?  > >>> > She knows she's given her last blow job.  > >>> >  > >>> > What's the difference between a bitch and a whore?  > >>> > A whore sleeps with everyone at the party and A bitch sleeps with  > >>everyone  > >>> >  > >>> > at the party except you.  > >>> >  > >>> > Why is the space between a women's breasts and her hips called awaist?  > >>> > Because you could easily fit another pair of tits in there.  >  > >>> >  > >>> > Do you know why they call it the Wonder Bra?  > >>> > When you take it off you wonder where her tits went.  > >>> >  > >>> > How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good?  > >>> > Put a nipple on it. --membersozdat------------------------------------------------------- OZDAT Mailing List Please Note:- Send (un)subscribe requests to [EMAIL PROTECTED] Send submissions to [EMAIL PROTECTED] No unauthorised redistribution of this email http://www.ozdat.com/ozdatonline/index.htm http://www.ozdat.com/ozdatonline/listindex.html http://www.mail-archive.com/membersozdat@datascribe.com.au/ ---------------------------------------------------------------------