well that should alienate just about every woman on this list...
I really don't need to read that sort of $*#@!! and neither does my finance
manager. I trust an apology is on its way when u come down
----- Original Message -----
Sent: Wednesday, August 09, 2000 9:51
PM
Subject: Bizarre processes of the
mind
For the last hour I have been shampooing the carpets with
this whizzbang machine I hired from Woolies, when suddenly it dawned on me -
The job is so mind-numbingly boring that I started thinking.
Thought so many thoughts there were'nt a thought I hadn't thunk (Violent
Femmes)
Tadah!!!! I have devised a way to build a flow
bench from a carpet shampoo machine. Using dyed detergent, the long term
foaming shit, I reckon I can trace easily the airflow under vacuum of a
cylinder head port using video equipment and my
PC.
Then again maybe I should just have a
labotomy......
And for all those other henpecked 'cause without a rebel'
types, here is my list of all time favourite bitch jokes. f you are
easily offended ring Lifeline.
> >>> > Why did God create
woman?
> >>> > To carry semen from the bedroom to the
toilet.
> >>> >
> >>> > If the
dove is the bird of peace, what is the bird of true love?
>
>>> > The swallow
> >>> >
>
>>> > How do you annoy your girlfriend during sex?
>
>>> > Phone her.
> >>> >
>
>>> > Why do women fake orgasms?
> >>> >
Because they think men care.
> >>> >
>
>>> > What is the definition of "making love"?
>
>>> > Something a woman does while a guy is screwing
her.
> >>> >
> >>> > What
should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?
> >>>
> Slow down and use a lubricant.
> >>>
>
> >>> > How many sexists does it take to change a
light bulb?
> >>> > None, let the bitch cook in the
dark.
> >>> >
> >>> > What's
the difference between pre-menstrual tension and B.S.E?
>
>>> > One's mad cow disease, the other's an agricultural
problem.
> >>> >
> >>> > What
do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes?
> >>> >
Nothing, she's been told twice already.
> >>>
>
> >>> > How many men does it take to open a
beer?
> >>> > None. It should be opened by the time
she brings it
> >>> >
> >>> >
How do you turn a fox into an elephant?
> >>> > Marry
it!
> >>> >
> >>> > What is
the difference between a battery and a woman?
> >>> >
A battery has a positive side.
> >>> >
>
>>> > What are the three fastest means of
communication?
> >>> > 1) Internet
>
>>> > 2) Telephone
> >>> > 3)
Telawoman
> >>> >
> >>> > Why
do hunters make the best lovers?
> >>> > Because they
go deep in the bush, shoot more than once and they eat
what
>
>>> > they shoot.
> >>> >
>
>>> > How are fat girls and mopeds alike?
>
>>> > They're both fun to ride until your friends find
out
> >>> >
> >>> > What
should you give a woman who has everything?
> >>> > A
man to show her how to work it.
> >>> >
>
>>> > How are twisters (tornadoes) and marriage alike? They
both begin
with a
> >>> > lot
>
>>> > of blowing and sucking, and in the end you lose your
house.
> >>> >
> >>> > Why
does a bride smile when she walks up the aisle?
> >>>
> She knows she's given her last blow job.
> >>>
>
> >>> > What's the difference between a bitch and
a whore?
> >>> > A whore sleeps with everyone at the
party and A bitch sleeps with
> >>everyone
>
>>> >
> >>> > at the party except
you.
> >>> >
> >>> > Why is
the space between a women's breasts and her hips
called
awaist?
> >>> > Because you could easily fit
another pair of tits in there.
>
> >>>
>
> >>> > Do you know why they call it the Wonder
Bra?
> >>> > When you take it off you wonder where her
tits went.
> >>> >
> >>> > How
do you make 5 pounds of fat look good?
> >>> > Put a
nipple on
it.
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