I dont think it basically falls down to only false hood and honesty..for my part i'd prefer an illusion of a truth than the brutal fact if it makes something a little easy for someone...
On Sun, Jul 11, 2010 at 12:03 AM, gruff <[email protected]> wrote: > "... On Jul 10, 6:47 am, rigsy03 <[email protected]> wrote: ..." > > > We all play roles to "fit in" or "get along" at various points in our > > lives, gruff, and most of us do not live our lives like a recipe. > > I'm not sure where that came from. Nowhere did I say or even imply > that we should live our lives by a recipe, though for some it's not a > bad idea if they can't make mature decisions on an ad hoc basis in > keeping with a set of morals or ethics. It's the basis, the core of > those decisions I'm actually talking about. > > > The truth can be very cruel- especially to children- who often have > enough > > to cope with without the advantages of mature emotions and > > perspective. > > I don't dispute that truth can sometimes hurt. So can life. C'est la > vie. But to find out at another tender point in one's growing up that > your own parents and relatives lied to you about things you considered > important is an even worse shock to the child. I remember mine very > well: The first time I found out my mother and grandmother lied about > Santa Clause, the first time I found out there was no god. That is > likely the beginning of the separation between child and parent -- > when the child first discovers the parent has lied about some very > basic realities in life. > > Yet in spite of all that, the worst lie is the one told to yourself. > But people do it all the time and to my continued amazement manage to > get from one end of life to the other maintaining those lies. That > astounds me because every lie in which I've been implicit either > directly or obliquely has turned out to have hurt me more than the > truth ever would have. > > > And some individuals do not deserve honesty until they > > earn that intimacy. Some never do. > > That's a horrifying thought since the only way to have intimacy is > through honesty. Dishonesty only leads to superficial relationships > that are doomed from the start. Once one begins to wonder what else > the other has lied about it's the beginning of the end of intimacy and > trust. I wonder though, what standards you use to determine whether > or not you are going to be honest with someone you've just met? I > would have thought it would be the initial honesty of the other person > because that's what usually does it for me. > > > There is a concept of "situational > > friendships" which comes into play in this matter and another is the > > discretion of borders. > > Sounds like situational ethics from where I'm sitting, and we both > know that's the wrong direction. For myself, when I find I'm being > played, I vacate the scene ASAP. I don't like being played for a fool > nor do I enjoy being deceived especially when I'm taking pains to be > honest and truthful. There is usually something between two people > which attracts and initiates the first contact but when the facade > begins to wash the truth that remains is not always that attractive. > Then it's time when papa keeps on truckin' down the road. Hasta la > vista. Tener una buena vida. > > > But in regard to families- parents and > > children- it still is an uneven power structure so it is hard to say > > how the complete truth would have caused less harm or altered lives > > for the better- that is just wishful thinking, perhaps. And I do > > defend my "editing" of certain truths as I see no value in the > > additional burden since children do take on some of the guilt and > > shame of their parent's behavior. > > So you're putting falsehood ahead of honesty? That just seems wrong > on so many levels. > > -- \--/ Peace
