"... On Jul 10, 6:47 am, rigsy03 <[email protected]> wrote: ..."
> We all play roles to "fit in" or "get along" at various points in our > lives, gruff, and most of us do not live our lives like a recipe. I'm not sure where that came from. Nowhere did I say or even imply that we should live our lives by a recipe, though for some it's not a bad idea if they can't make mature decisions on an ad hoc basis in keeping with a set of morals or ethics. It's the basis, the core of those decisions I'm actually talking about. > The truth can be very cruel- especially to children- who often have enough > to cope with without the advantages of mature emotions and > perspective. I don't dispute that truth can sometimes hurt. So can life. C'est la vie. But to find out at another tender point in one's growing up that your own parents and relatives lied to you about things you considered important is an even worse shock to the child. I remember mine very well: The first time I found out my mother and grandmother lied about Santa Clause, the first time I found out there was no god. That is likely the beginning of the separation between child and parent -- when the child first discovers the parent has lied about some very basic realities in life. Yet in spite of all that, the worst lie is the one told to yourself. But people do it all the time and to my continued amazement manage to get from one end of life to the other maintaining those lies. That astounds me because every lie in which I've been implicit either directly or obliquely has turned out to have hurt me more than the truth ever would have. > And some individuals do not deserve honesty until they > earn that intimacy. Some never do. That's a horrifying thought since the only way to have intimacy is through honesty. Dishonesty only leads to superficial relationships that are doomed from the start. Once one begins to wonder what else the other has lied about it's the beginning of the end of intimacy and trust. I wonder though, what standards you use to determine whether or not you are going to be honest with someone you've just met? I would have thought it would be the initial honesty of the other person because that's what usually does it for me. > There is a concept of "situational > friendships" which comes into play in this matter and another is the > discretion of borders. Sounds like situational ethics from where I'm sitting, and we both know that's the wrong direction. For myself, when I find I'm being played, I vacate the scene ASAP. I don't like being played for a fool nor do I enjoy being deceived especially when I'm taking pains to be honest and truthful. There is usually something between two people which attracts and initiates the first contact but when the facade begins to wash the truth that remains is not always that attractive. Then it's time when papa keeps on truckin' down the road. Hasta la vista. Tener una buena vida. > But in regard to families- parents and > children- it still is an uneven power structure so it is hard to say > how the complete truth would have caused less harm or altered lives > for the better- that is just wishful thinking, perhaps. And I do > defend my "editing" of certain truths as I see no value in the > additional burden since children do take on some of the guilt and > shame of their parent's behavior. So you're putting falsehood ahead of honesty? That just seems wrong on so many levels.
