I really think you've crossed the line with your essay, Tom, besmirching the reputation of our primate cousins who still carry long memories and post-traumatic-stress-scars dating back to the controversial "caged-gorilla-gone-amok-with-Samsonite-luggage" spots of the 1960s. Despite the legions of loose-lipped sellers who continue to use the words, "gorilla proof" to describe their packaging, it's considered offensive to gorillas and only incites those who remain imprisoned in municipal zoos to retaliate by throwing their excreta at gawking visitors. The phrase, "gorilla proof," and others like it, e.g., "someone is a 500-pound-gorilla in a room," "our problems are so bad that they have gorilla hair on them," etc. - combined with stereotyping as seen in politically incorrect films such as "King Kong," "Mighty Joe Young" and others of their "ilk" - goes to the heart of their grievances - and their continuing demand to have equal footing with all living beings born with opposable thumbs. Your exhaustive research is all well and good, but please exercise greater care in your choice of words in the future. If I'm in error about your intent, I apologize. If I'm not in error, shame on you and may all of your posters develop rampant foxing or fading or paper loss or ragged edges caused by silverfish - damage which can only be corrected by a restorer. Thank you. -d.
> Date: Wed, 13 Jun 2012 11:48:54 +0200 > From: [email protected] > Subject: Re: Gorilla-Proof Packaging > To: [email protected] > > Excellent research Tom, but it might be a bit optimistic to compare lizards > to gorillas. Maybe you should try other apes first. Then again, like man most > of them are predictable, I would guess that chimpanzees will try to seriously > hurt another chimp with the packaging, while the bonobos probably will have > sex with it. > > Wim > Op 13 jun. 2012, om 11:35 heeft Johnson Tom het volgende geschreven: > > > As part of my ongoing examination of promotional rhetoric in our > > hobby, and effort to not be such a MOPO wallflower, I turn to the > > much-discussed area of shipping, packaging, and “handling.” The latter > > is of course the most ambiguous term of the three--it’s pretty clear > > what shipping and packaging mean, but handling is the one they > > sometimes get you with. “handling” is the one with all the wiggle > > room, and if you’ve ever been handled, you know that wiggle room is a > > big part of the experience. “No, your honor, that was just a handling > > charge,” is something they hear quite often at the bench in our > > district courts, usually in vice cases. It’s something of a loophole, > > and if you can get handled in a situation where there is a loophole > > and enough wiggle room, you just might get off. I am speaking here in > > legal terms, of course. > > > > But I want to focus here about packaging--specifically “Gorilla-Proof” > > packaging. I have seen this type of packaging touted by a number of > > dealers. (I don’t remember whether Bruce is one of them, but let me be > > explicit that this post is NOT ABOUT HIM. It is about anyone and > > everyone EXCEPT HIM). A quick search on Ebay tonight brings up 2240 > > listings using the phrase “gorilla proof.” Let us estimate that 20% of > > them are listings for actual anti-gorilla storage boxes, locks that > > gorillas cannot pick, paint that is much more than just waterproof, > > and plans that are far more than just foolproof. One or two might be > > for mathematical proofs involving gorillas, like the reflexive > > property of gorillas, distributive property of gorillas, etc. But the > > rest are probably packaging claims. Exactly half--1120--of the > > listings are in the entertainment memorabilia category. That number > > will of course fluctuate as auctions end and start, so don’t hold me > > to it, but you must agree that makes it pertinent to this forum. If > > you are starting to feel otherwise, now would be a very good time to > > utilize the delete button. > > > > Whose packaging is truly gorilla proof? If there is a key to this > > discussion, and that is doubtful, this is it. One of the Ebay sellers > > making such claims in all their listings is from here in Portland, so > > I was able to go over and have a look for myself. Sure enough, the > > proprietor or “Old Weird Heralds” actually has a gorilla on staff who > > is employed to try to open, bend, or otherwise damage packages prior > > to their posting. Any that do not pass the test are sent back to the > > front office for repackaging, which is done by other non-gorilla > > primates. Personally I think they should get a Gorilla into the front > > office as a consultant--be a little more proactive--but they have a > > system, and it seems to work. > > > > Continuing my research, I took several of my own movie poster > > shipments straight from the postman’s hands down to the Washington > > Park zoo, where I scientifically lobbed them over the fence into the > > Gorilla compound. Here are the results: > > > > Package #1 (from Rich Halegua’s movieposterbid.com) One gorilla was > > unable to open, bend or damage the package. However, after consulting > > with another gorilla, he was able to devise an ad-hoc tool which he > > used to pick loose enough packing tape to get a start at opening the > > package. After some effort he extracted the poster, an insert for > > “Planet of the Apes”, which he studied carefully for some time before > > retreating with several of his peers into the interior of the habitat > > for what looked like some sort of planning session. I should add that > > this insert was paper-backed,with minor restoration at the folds). > > > > Package #2 (from Heritage) This was a rolled poster in a tube--King > > Kong (R 1957) one-sheet. The gorilla was able to chew through the > > strapping tape securing the plastic lid to the tube, and extract the > > poster. It took him 19.5% longer to do so, however, than with a > > similar package purchased from a prominent midwestern dealer whom this > > post is not about. > > > > Package #3 (also from Heritage--flat packed). This was actually not a > > purchase but a returned consignment Heritage sent back to us after we > > mutually agreed it would be preferable that they not auction the > > items. The gorilla got it open after fifteen minutes, but flew into a > > rage when only one poster was inside. We had sent them three posters > > (one was the extremely valuable recalled x-rated release of “Bang the > > Drum Slowly”) and have our original inventory sheet to prove it, which > > our pet gibbon Mr. Roberts had jotted down on a note card at some > > point in the past. The Gorilla bit off two fingers of a keeper, > > escaped the zoo, climbed the Hawthorne Bridge, (a local historic > > landmark featured in the unwatchable movie "The Hunted") destroyed a > > news helicopter that got too close, and plunged into the Willamette > > River, which by the way is not pronounced “Willa-met,” but rather > > rhymes with “goddammit.” Our lawyers will be contacting Heritage > > posthaste. > > > > As a result I am for too upset to continue with the analysis of my > > research, so I must call it inconclusive at this point. However, I am > > considering a prolonged trip to Indonesia, so if any of the sellers > > here can promise Komodo Dragon proof shipping, please let me know and > > I will respond with my wants list. 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