[Steve]
I understand that some people won't want to share out of a desire for
privacy. In my case, I would like to share, but I'm not sure if it is
moral to do so. And I am very interested in other people's thoughts
on the issue.
[Arlo]
Many have written over the years on the importance of "phatic"
dialogue in community building (whether in an online, virtual, space
or in a face-to-face space). And I think we, as humans, tend to
interject phatic elements into even the most rigorously informational
dialogues. Whether it forms a simple, social greeting or expresses
elements of our lives indirectly ("my daughter once told me...", "i
was hiking in the mountains the other day when..."). The bottom line
is we are social beings, but we do approach phatic dialogue with both
an element of caution ("what happens if i reveal this?") and
deliberacy ("i want everyone to know/think..."). There is, of course,
no harm in asking. What people want revealed, they will tell you,
either in direct answer to your question, or through indirect
word-choice, remarks, and mannerisms in their posts.
At the core of this is identity-building, we must construct here the
person we wish others to see us as, and we do this overtly and
covertly. Even the most vocal about not sharing social details will
reveal and build a social image of themselves; the academic, the
painter, the cynic, the drop-out, the kid, the sage, the
disillusioned, the humble, the righteous, the villain, the woman, the
man, these are all built over the years by post after post. We cannot
help but be social beings.
The image you see of us here is a deliberate one, not in any
deceitful or manipulative way, but a crafted identity of our
choosing. Our words reflect this, our grace reflects this, our
demeanor and our very selective presentations paint the image we wish
others to see. This is, of course, a negotiated process. We can't
force anyone to think anything about ourselves, we have to build
these presentations over time, over dialogue. And sometimes despite
our best efforts to negotiate one identity, another shines through.
I've read a lot of research into the online negotiation of gender,
and can tell you that the one more becomes fluent in online dialectic
norms, the more one is able to see "the truth between the words". Its
been proven, for example, that most online users with over a year of
experience in online text environments can tell who is "really female
and male" despite the names given in the chat. Teens can spot other
teens pretty quickly, and are often very saavy about picking out the
"adult poser".
And you rightly point out a caution, and I applaud your honesty.
Study after study has found that men (being hetero-normative for a
moment) react differently to the same words and ideas expressed not
only by a woman versus a man, but also someone they find attractive
and someone they do not. Before we start applauding women, however,
the research shows the same thing about them. The difference is that
men tend to be antagonistic with other men, and passive or soft with
women. Women do the same, meaning they tend to be antagonistic with
men and passive and soft with other women. Men are aggressive to
same-gender others, while women are aggressive towards other-gender
others. With regards to attractiveness, both genders excel at
creating difference between those they find desirable and those they
do not. Many studies have documented that both genders tend to rate
the same words spoken by an attractive person as more honest, more
profound, more insightful, with less of a possibility of deception.
We don't trust ugly people, it seems, nor do we really care what they
have to say.
So about "Arlo" (anyone can skip the rest of this if they don't care...)
I work mostly in the field of languages, doing technology-related
projects aimed at helping people achieve "advanced" levels of
proficiency. I am employed by a center at Penn State, live in the
nearby town of Pleasant Gap, ride a Harley (04 FXDI), drive an F-150,
consider myself an avid outdoorsman and
environmentalist-conservationalist, I have a fiance, Pamela, a
soon-to-be fifteen year old daughter, Hannah, I am currently
enthralled with World of Warcraft, love craft-brewed beer (my
favorite at present is Railbender Ale) but think a good time includes
a case of 16oz milwaulkee's best cans and a fishing rod, I belong to
a local organic food coop, drink way too much coffee, am much happier
since I cancelled television but still love Battlestar Galactica,
Lost and just got the boxed set of Twin Peaks DVDs, my favorite band
is the chameleons and i listen to mostly post-punk and alternative
but am also fond of beethoven and bach, my favorite painting is
shipwreck by theodore gericault, by favorite poet is edna st. vincent
malay, i grew up in a small town in the pennsylvania anthracite
region, my father was a banker, my mother an accountant, my fondest
childhood memories are sitting on my grandmother's coal stove and
eating milk pie, i collect hot sauces (am a chili-head, through and
though), my literary hobby is reading ancient history and archeology,
i am in love with cabin-country in between toronto and ottowa, plan
to make a motorcycle trip to james bay sometime in the next few
years, my undergraduate degree is in psychology and i am big fan of
vygotsky's socio-cultural psychology, my master's degree is in
instructional technology. i lived in chicago for most of the 90s, and
miss it a lot, if i could visit any one place in the world it would
be macchu piccu, i love animals and for most of life had at least 5
cats and a dog, i suck with plants and they always die on me, other
than pirsig i am enthralled by the philosophies of peirce and dewey,
and finally dilbert and xkcd and knights of the dinner table are my
favorite comic strips.
and that's who i am.
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