Quoting MarshaV <[EMAIL PROTECTED]>:
> At 03:06 PM 1/10/2008, you wrote:
>
> >[Arlo]
> >Many have written over the years on the importance of "phatic"
> >dialogue in community building (whether in an online, virtual, space
> >or in a face-to-face space). And I think we, as humans, tend to
> >interject phatic elements into even the most rigorously informational
> >dialogues. Whether it forms a simple, social greeting or expresses
> >elements of our lives indirectly ("my daughter once told me...", "i
> >was hiking in the mountains the other day when..."). The bottom line
> >is we are social beings, but we do approach phatic dialogue with both
> >an element of caution ("what happens if i reveal this?") and
> >deliberacy ("i want everyone to know/think..."). There is, of course,
> >no harm in asking. What people want revealed, they will tell you,
> >either in direct answer to your question, or through indirect
> >word-choice, remarks, and mannerisms in their posts.
> >
> >At the core of this is identity-building, we must construct here the
> >person we wish others to see us as, and we do this overtly and
> >covertly. Even the most vocal about not sharing social details will
> >reveal and build a social image of themselves; the academic, the
> >painter, the cynic, the drop-out, the kid, the sage, the
> >disillusioned, the humble, the righteous, the villain, the woman, the
> >man, these are all built over the years by post after post. We cannot
> >help but be social beings.
> >
> >The image you see of us here is a deliberate one, not in any
> >deceitful or manipulative way, but a crafted identity of our
> >choosing. Our words reflect this, our grace reflects this, our
> >demeanor and our very selective presentations paint the image we wish
> >others to see. This is, of course, a negotiated process. We can't
> >force anyone to think anything about ourselves, we have to build
> >these presentations over time, over dialogue. And sometimes despite
> >our best efforts to negotiate one identity, another shines through.
> >I've read a lot of research into the online negotiation of gender,
> >and can tell you that the one more becomes fluent in online dialectic
> >norms, the more one is able to see "the truth between the words". Its
> >been proven, for example, that most online users with over a year of
> >experience in online text environments can tell who is "really female
> >and male" despite the names given in the chat. Teens can spot other
> >teens pretty quickly, and are often very saavy about picking out the
> >"adult poser".
> >
> >And you rightly point out a caution, and I applaud your honesty.
> >Study after study has found that men (being hetero-normative for a
> >moment) react differently to the same words and ideas expressed not
> >only by a woman versus a man, but also someone they find attractive
> >and someone they do not. Before we start applauding women, however,
> >the research shows the same thing about them. The difference is that
> >men tend to be antagonistic with other men, and passive or soft with
> >women. Women do the same, meaning they tend to be antagonistic with
> >men and passive and soft with other women. Men are aggressive to
> >same-gender others, while women are aggressive towards other-gender
> >others. With regards to attractiveness, both genders excel at
> >creating difference between those they find desirable and those they
> >do not. Many studies have documented that both genders tend to rate
> >the same words spoken by an attractive person as more honest, more
> >profound, more insightful, with less of a possibility of deception.
> >We don't trust ugly people, it seems, nor do we really care what they
> >have to say.
>
> ERASE!. ERASE!! ERASE!!! Too static for me. Hurts my mind.
>
> Marsha
>
>
>
> *************
> DEFINITION of Marsha, I, me, self, & etc.: Ever-changing
> collection of overlapping, interrelated, inorganic, biological,
> social and intellectual, static patterns of value.
Right on, Marsha. The ego of some knows no bounds.
Platt
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