Hi Mona:
You know how we, as parents, worry about everything with our first
child, and, then, by the time we have the second and third, or, when
talking to other parents, we feel like war veterans? We've seen it
all, been through it all... We laugh at our own previous silliness
for even worrying about such small issues--though they weren't so
small at the time--and we pontificate to younger parents--some only a
year or two behind us--as if we were great-grandparents already.
Well, if I may be so presumptuous, please allow me to say that, IMO,
your daughter is A-OK. All in all, she probably doesn't want to speak
Arabic or Polish because it's not cool, it's not the "in-thing", it's
not what everyone else is doing. Think about it, would you like it if
your parents made you wear a green Afro-wig and a red clown nose--
even if it were only at home? Not only would you fear the possiblity
of giving them an inch, and them taking a yard (i.e., they may decide
to make you wear it outside, as well); but, even wearing it at home
would be beneath your dignity. This is exactly how it appears to your
daughter. She doesn't know that Arabic and Polish are cool, too. All
she knows is that civilized people don't speak that way--we worship
society more than our parents. Humans are programmed like that:
otherwise, we'd all grow up speaking the garbled, mush mouth stuff
our toothless grandmothers who raised us spoke, rather than what was
spoken in society at large.
In my family, also tri-lingual (English, Japanese, living in China),
my oldest wouldn't answer his mother in Japanese at all; he spoke
English with me, understood her Japanese perfectly, but always
answered her in English. This, despite the fact that he'd spent, all
together, a good year and a half in Japan. I stressed a bit (because
that's what I do), blamed my 3wife, g3ave her hints and suggestions,
but it did no good. She didn't stress (because that's her), and held
me in check. This went on until his third birthday. After that, we
moved to Japan, (we've been here about 8 or 9 months, now) and,
within two weeks, the Japanese was flowing. After a month, he was age
appropriate. (Though, to be honest, although I'd say he's age
appropriate, it's the lower half of the age appropriate scale.) So,
once he felt it was the "thing to do", he spoke it. My youngest, on
the other hand, was a year and three months when we got here, and
started his speaking immediately bilinguallly.
Personally, I wouldn't push too much, or require too much in the
language department, simply because I wouldn't want to my child's
fundamental memories of my language to be negative or stress-filled,
or seen as work, or associated with punishments and such. We lived in
China, and Chinese people, for the most part, treated us very...
unwelcomingly, let's say: and my oldest son never spoke Chinese,
except with a few people he liked; although, it was certainly the
language to which he was most exposed. I think he picked up on the
fact that he was not them, and they were not him. So, even the great,
almighty "majority language always wins" rule is not etched in stone;
the child's personal attitude--which is very delicate--is, actually,
what determines all.
Have Faith,
Che
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