Dana, Thank you for candidly challenging our situation and sharing from your heart and experience. I will reflect on your words and share them with others. Having a first hand account of the difficulties and dangers of being nonbinary helps put this issue in perspective. My fear is that forcing change before more people are ready will create a backlash and resentment. It feels to me that we need to convince and educate a critical mass of people in order for the change to be accepted. Your words will be an effective tool for our evolution.
On Wed, Mar 15, 2023 at 9:10 PM Sandy Seiler <sandyjanesei...@gmail.com> wrote: > Dana, > Thank you for candidly challenging our situation and sharing from your > heart and experience. I will reflect on your words and share them with > others. Having a first hand account of the difficulties and dangers of > being nonbinary helps put this issue in perspective. My fear is that > forcing change before more people are ready will create a backlash and > resentment. It feels to me that we need to convince and educate a critical > mass of people in order for the change to be accepted. Your words will be > an effective tool for our evolution. I like "Loves" and "Gems". I would > call my romantic partner either of those terms. > > > On Wed, Mar 15, 2023 at 2:05 PM Dana Dwinell-Yardley via Organizers < > organizers@lists.sharedweight.net> wrote: > >> Sure, happy for anyone to forward and distribute. I added my extra soap >> bubble into my original text and pasted it below: feel free to send this >> version around. >> Thanks for the kind words. >> >> Dana >> >> == >> >> Hi all, >> >> I'm going to explore this intersection of gender-free role terms + >> welcoming new dancers + growing community a little bit. [And by "a little >> bit" I actually mean a "a long soapbox about important stuff," so hang on >> for the ride.] >> >> I'm a genderqueer / gender nonconforming person, and a huge part of my >> folk community includes transgender, nonbinary, and other gender >> nonconforming folks. If you haven't been paying much attention to the news, >> let me tell you: The political and social climate around gender and >> sexuality in the United States right now is *terrifying* for LGBTQ+ folks. >> Twenty-three states introduced laws in 2022 that infringe or attack the >> basic rights of transgender and queer people, and more than 13 of those >> bills have become law. There is a ton of hatred, fear, and violence being >> directed toward the queer and trans community, especially youth, even in >> liberal states like Vermont (where I live). >> >> All this is to say — it's a hard and scary time to be a queer person. And >> our dance communities have the potential to be places of radical inclusion, >> expansiveness, safety, and welcome in a violent world that seeks to deny us >> our basic right to exist. >> >> - When a dance uses gender-free terms, that is a step toward that >> radical inclusion. >> - When dancers are comfortable and happy to dance with any person in >> any role, that's another step. (For example, if you've got a lot of men >> who >> show obvious discomfort at swinging anyone who's not a woman, the dancing >> is likely to feel icky and unsafe to trans & nonbinary folks or anyone >> swapping roles, regardless of terms used.) >> - When we take the time to explain our dance culture as well as the >> basic moves, that's another step. >> - When we offer nametags with a place to write in pronouns, that's >> another step. >> - When we offer a sliding scale to make our dance accessible to folks >> of all income levels, that's another step. >> - When people can see themselves reflected in the organizing >> committee members (i.e. diversity of age, gender, class background, race, >> etc), in a way that's actually sharing the work and not tokenizing people, >> that's another step. >> - When long-time dancers ask newcomers to dance in a friendly but not >> pushy way, and we normalize saying no as well as saying yes, that's >> another >> step. >> - When we normalize giving and receiving feedback about the way our >> dancing affects others, that's another step. (i.e. "hey, will you grab my >> hand less tightly? that hurts." "oh! thanks for telling me! is that >> better?) >> - When we are kind, patient, and supportive of each other while we >> learn new things, that's another step. Whether it's learning how to >> balance >> and swing, or learning how to use new pronouns for someone, it's gonna be >> awkward at first! That's how learning works! We'll just keep practicing >> together. >> - When we are transparent about why we're doing what we're doing >> (i.e. our values, like Julian suggested), that's another step. When I get >> up to give announcements, for example, I thank people for helping to make >> the dance welcoming and inclusive, and I speak about our sliding scale, >> our >> name buttons, our role terms, and wearing masks all as pathways to a more >> inclusive and welcoming space, as ways that we care for one another. >> - (Right now, I am still inclined to think that wearing masks is >> another way that we create spaces of radical inclusion and safety, >> especially for folks at higher risk for COVID, but that's a whole other >> kettle of fish.) >> >> >> On the flip side: If a dance uses gendered role terms, or when organizers >> say things like "ugh I don't like Robins & Larks," or "I don't want to push >> the issue," what I hear is: >> "we don't care about you," >> "we don't think transgender or nonbinary people exist," or >> "you're causing problems for us just by being yourself." >> OUCH. >> >> I would gently offer that there is no such thing as a non-political >> space. Everything is political, even though you may not have noticed >> because you were comfortable and the current setup worked for you. This is >> a country where people are actively passing laws that harm transgender and >> queer people. Choosing NOT to do something is also a political act. >> >> We set our dance culture together. People will notice the vibes more than >> you think. Let's keep striving toward spaces that are deeply welcoming, >> growthful, and joyful for everyone! This is part of why I am called to keep >> organizing dances: because I can see the power in creating a community that >> exists a little bit outside of space and time for a moment, a community >> where we get to see the kind of joy, connection, collaboration, and care >> that we dream of for society at large. What a delightful, magical thing. >> >> Yours in building joyful, inclusive dance community, >> Dana Dwinell-Yardley >> Montpelier, VT >> danad...@gmail.com >> >> On Wed, Mar 15, 2023 at 2:24 PM Joe Harrington <contradancer...@gmail.com> >> wrote: >> >>> Dana, this was so clearly articulated and beautifully written! Would >>> you give permission for people to forward and post it publicly? I feel it >>> important to ask, as we want this to be a safe place, even if the archives >>> are searchable. >>> >>> --jh-- >>> >>> >>> On Wed, Mar 15, 2023 at 12:23 PM Dana Dwinell-Yardley via Organizers < >>> organizers@lists.sharedweight.net> wrote: >>> >>>> One more soap bubble for the soap box! >>>> >>>> We also take a step toward inclusion when we are kind, patient, and >>>> supportive of each other while we learn new things: whether that's learning >>>> how to balance and swing, or learning how to use new pronouns for someone. >>>> It's gonna be awkward at first! That's how learning works! We'll just keep >>>> practicing and improving together. >>>> >>>> Dana >>>> >>>> On Wed, Mar 15, 2023, 12:02 PM Mary Collins <native...@gmail.com> >>>> wrote: >>>> >>>>> Dana, >>>>> >>>>> Thank you. Well said and I am sharing with my very conservative >>>>> board. I think they need a wake up call, forgive me but "either shit or >>>>> get off the pot". If we really want our dance to continue we need to >>>>> address this. >>>>> >>>>> I hope for a better tomorrow for all of us no matter the walk >>>>> we choose. >>>>> >>>>> Blessings, >>>>> Mary "from Buffalo" not. >>>>> "And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those >>>>> who couldn't hear the music." - Nietzsche >>>>> >>>>> “Life is not about waiting for the storms to pass ... it's about >>>>> learning to dance in the rain!” ~ unknown >>>>> >>>>> >>>>> On Wed, Mar 15, 2023 at 11:21 AM Dana Dwinell-Yardley via Organizers < >>>>> organizers@lists.sharedweight.net> wrote: >>>>> >>>>>> Hi all, >>>>>> >>>>>> I'm going to explore this intersection of gender-free role terms + >>>>>> welcoming new dancers + growing community a little bit. [And by "a little >>>>>> bit" I actually mean a "a long soapbox about important stuff," so hang on >>>>>> for the ride.] >>>>>> >>>>>> I'm a genderqueer / gender nonconforming person, and a huge part of >>>>>> my folk community includes transgender, nonbinary, and other gender >>>>>> nonconforming folks. If you haven't been paying much attention to the >>>>>> news, >>>>>> let me tell you: The political and social climate around gender and >>>>>> sexuality in the United States right now is *terrifying* for LGBTQ+ >>>>>> folks. >>>>>> Twenty-three states introduced laws in 2022 that infringe or attack the >>>>>> basic rights of transgender and queer people, and more than 13 of those >>>>>> bills have become law. There is a ton of hatred, fear, and violence being >>>>>> directed toward the queer and trans community, especially youth, even in >>>>>> liberal states like Vermont (where I live). >>>>>> >>>>>> All this is to say — it's a hard and scary time to be a queer person. >>>>>> And our dance communities have the potential to be places of radical >>>>>> inclusion, expansiveness, safety, and welcome in a violent world that >>>>>> seeks >>>>>> to deny us our basic right to exist. >>>>>> >>>>>> - When a dance uses gender-free terms, that is a step toward that >>>>>> radical inclusion. >>>>>> - When dancers are comfortable and happy to dance with any person >>>>>> in any role, that's another step. (For example, if you've got a lot >>>>>> of men >>>>>> who show obvious discomfort at swinging anyone who's not a woman, the >>>>>> dancing is likely to feel icky and unsafe to trans & nonbinary folks >>>>>> or >>>>>> anyone swapping roles, regardless of terms used.) >>>>>> - When we take the time to explain our dance culture as well as >>>>>> the basic moves, that's another step. >>>>>> - When we offer nametags with a place to write in pronouns, >>>>>> that's another step. >>>>>> - When we offer a sliding scale to make our dance accessible to >>>>>> folks of all income levels, that's another step. >>>>>> - When people can see themselves reflected in the organizing >>>>>> committee members (i.e. diversity of age, gender, class background, >>>>>> race, >>>>>> etc), in a way that's actually sharing the work and not tokenizing >>>>>> people, >>>>>> that's another step. >>>>>> - When long-time dancers ask newcomers to dance in a friendly but >>>>>> not pushy way, and we normalize saying no as well as saying yes, >>>>>> that's >>>>>> another step. >>>>>> - When we normalize giving and receiving feedback about the way >>>>>> our dancing affects others, that's another step. (i.e. "hey, will you >>>>>> grab >>>>>> my hand less tightly? that hurts." "oh! thanks for telling me! is that >>>>>> better?) >>>>>> - When we are transparent about why we're doing what we're doing >>>>>> (i.e. our values, like Julian suggested), that's another step. When I >>>>>> get >>>>>> up to give announcements, for example, I thank people for helping to >>>>>> make >>>>>> the dance welcoming and inclusive, and I speak about our sliding >>>>>> scale, our >>>>>> name buttons, our role terms, and wearing masks all as pathways to a >>>>>> more >>>>>> inclusive and welcoming space, as ways that we care for one another. >>>>>> - (Right now, I am still inclined to think that wearing masks is >>>>>> another way that we create spaces of radical inclusion and safety, >>>>>> especially for folks at higher risk for COVID, but that's a whole >>>>>> other >>>>>> kettle of fish.) >>>>>> >>>>>> On the flip side: If a dance uses gendered role terms, or when >>>>>> organizers say things like "ugh I don't like Robins & Larks," or "I don't >>>>>> want to push the issue," what I hear is: >>>>>> "we don't care about you," >>>>>> "we don't think transgender or nonbinary people exist," or >>>>>> "you're causing problems for us just by being yourself." >>>>>> OUCH. >>>>>> >>>>>> I would gently offer that there is no such thing as a non-political >>>>>> space. Everything is political, even though you may not have noticed >>>>>> because the politics weren't affecting you and you were comfortable >>>>>> because >>>>>> the current setup worked for you. This is a country where people are >>>>>> actively passing laws that harm transgender and queer people. Choosing >>>>>> NOT >>>>>> to do something is also a political act. >>>>>> >>>>>> We set our dance culture together. People will notice the vibes more >>>>>> than you think. Let's keep striving toward spaces that are deeply >>>>>> welcoming, growthful, and joyful for everyone! This is part of why I am >>>>>> called to keep organizing dances: because I can see the power in >>>>>> creating a >>>>>> community that exists a little bit outside of space and time for a >>>>>> moment, >>>>>> a community where we get to see the kind of joy, connection, >>>>>> collaboration, >>>>>> and care that we dream of for society at large. What a delightful, >>>>>> magical >>>>>> thing. >>>>>> >>>>>> Yours in building joyful, inclusive dance community, >>>>>> Dana >>>>>> Montpelier, VT >>>>>> >>>>>> >>>>>> On Wed, Mar 15, 2023 at 8:53 AM Julian Blechner via Organizers < >>>>>> organizers@lists.sharedweight.net> wrote: >>>>>> >>>>>>> Lots of good suggestions from a lot of people. >>>>>>> >>>>>>> I think I can boil down success keeping new dancers to: >>>>>>> 1. Listen to youth, put then on your committee, and implement their >>>>>>> suggestions. >>>>>>> 2. Have a written values statement, which all of your other policies >>>>>>> follow. >>>>>>> 3. Make it clear you want to hear from dancers with compliments or >>>>>>> complaints. And actually deal with complaints. Over and over, the >>>>>>> biggest >>>>>>> reason I hear people not returning (other than just not liking the dance >>>>>>> form) is unhandled and ignored complaints. >>>>>>> >>>>>>> In dance, >>>>>>> Julian Blechner >>>>>>> >>>>>>> On Wed, Mar 15, 2023, 8:10 AM Chrissy Fowler via Organizers < >>>>>>> organizers@lists.sharedweight.net> wrote: >>>>>>> >>>>>>>> *“Getting back to the subject of repeat visitors, perhaps the >>>>>>>> biggest difference of all is a caller who brings the fun and the >>>>>>>> inclusiveness, the type who can laugh with you when something goes >>>>>>>> goofy. >>>>>>>> (… . ) I'm tremendously grateful to everyone organizing contra >>>>>>>> dances, >>>>>>>> and to all the people trying to make their dance a little bit better >>>>>>>> each >>>>>>>> week.* >>>>>>>> *Lex Spoon”* >>>>>>>> >>>>>>>> Hear, hear! >>>>>>>> >>>>>>>> (And I think it’s also the organizers who can bring that fun and >>>>>>>> inclusiveness and set the tone for embracing the goofiness.) Let’s >>>>>>>> face it, >>>>>>>> even though some folks forget and take it all a bit too seriously, >>>>>>>> these >>>>>>>> dances we love are *incredibly* weird. Beautifully so, but >>>>>>>> definitely on the silly side of joy. >>>>>>>> >>>>>>>> I’m also grateful for all you folks sharing ideas and experiences >>>>>>>> openly and nonjudgmentally. What a gift! >>>>>>>> >>>>>>>> Chrissy Fowler >>>>>>>> Belfast Maine >>>>>>>> *Where we are digging out from the latest nor’easter (ah the joys >>>>>>>> of finally getting winter weather in March)* >>>>>>>> _______________________________________________ >>>>>>>> Organizers mailing list -- organizers@lists.sharedweight.net >>>>>>>> To unsubscribe send an email to >>>>>>>> organizers-le...@lists.sharedweight.net >>>>>>>> >>>>>>> _______________________________________________ >>>>>>> Organizers mailing list -- organizers@lists.sharedweight.net >>>>>>> To unsubscribe send an email to >>>>>>> organizers-le...@lists.sharedweight.net >>>>>>> >>>>>> >>>>>> >>>>>> -- >>>>>> Dana Dwinell-Yardley >>>>>> pronouns: she/her/hers >>>>>> 802-505-6639 >>>>>> Montpelier, Vermont >>>>>> _______________________________________________ >>>>>> Organizers mailing list -- organizers@lists.sharedweight.net >>>>>> To unsubscribe send an email to >>>>>> organizers-le...@lists.sharedweight.net >>>>>> >>>>> _______________________________________________ >>>> Organizers mailing list -- organizers@lists.sharedweight.net >>>> To unsubscribe send an email to organizers-le...@lists.sharedweight.net >>>> >>> >> >> -- >> Dana Dwinell-Yardley >> pronouns: she/her/hers >> 802-505-6639 >> Montpelier, Vermont >> _______________________________________________ >> Organizers mailing list -- organizers@lists.sharedweight.net >> To unsubscribe send an email to organizers-le...@lists.sharedweight.net >> >
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