Dana, Thank you for candidly challenging our situation and sharing from your heart and experience. I will reflect on your words and share them with others. Having a first hand account of the difficulties and dangers of being nonbinary helps put this issue in perspective. My fear is that forcing change before more people are ready will create a backlash and resentment. It feels to me that we need to convince and educate a critical mass of people in order for the change to be accepted. Your words will be an effective tool for our evolution.
On Wed, Mar 15, 2023 at 2:05 PM Dana Dwinell-Yardley via Organizers < organizers@lists.sharedweight.net> wrote: > Sure, happy for anyone to forward and distribute. I added my extra soap > bubble into my original text and pasted it below: feel free to send this > version around. > Thanks for the kind words. > > Dana > > == > > Hi all, > > I'm going to explore this intersection of gender-free role terms + > welcoming new dancers + growing community a little bit. [And by "a little > bit" I actually mean a "a long soapbox about important stuff," so hang on > for the ride.] > > I'm a genderqueer / gender nonconforming person, and a huge part of my > folk community includes transgender, nonbinary, and other gender > nonconforming folks. If you haven't been paying much attention to the news, > let me tell you: The political and social climate around gender and > sexuality in the United States right now is *terrifying* for LGBTQ+ folks. > Twenty-three states introduced laws in 2022 that infringe or attack the > basic rights of transgender and queer people, and more than 13 of those > bills have become law. There is a ton of hatred, fear, and violence being > directed toward the queer and trans community, especially youth, even in > liberal states like Vermont (where I live). > > All this is to say — it's a hard and scary time to be a queer person. And > our dance communities have the potential to be places of radical inclusion, > expansiveness, safety, and welcome in a violent world that seeks to deny us > our basic right to exist. > > - When a dance uses gender-free terms, that is a step toward that > radical inclusion. > - When dancers are comfortable and happy to dance with any person in > any role, that's another step. (For example, if you've got a lot of men who > show obvious discomfort at swinging anyone who's not a woman, the dancing > is likely to feel icky and unsafe to trans & nonbinary folks or anyone > swapping roles, regardless of terms used.) > - When we take the time to explain our dance culture as well as the > basic moves, that's another step. > - When we offer nametags with a place to write in pronouns, that's > another step. > - When we offer a sliding scale to make our dance accessible to folks > of all income levels, that's another step. > - When people can see themselves reflected in the organizing committee > members (i.e. diversity of age, gender, class background, race, etc), in a > way that's actually sharing the work and not tokenizing people, that's > another step. > - When long-time dancers ask newcomers to dance in a friendly but not > pushy way, and we normalize saying no as well as saying yes, that's another > step. > - When we normalize giving and receiving feedback about the way our > dancing affects others, that's another step. (i.e. "hey, will you grab my > hand less tightly? that hurts." "oh! thanks for telling me! is that > better?) > - When we are kind, patient, and supportive of each other while we > learn new things, that's another step. Whether it's learning how to balance > and swing, or learning how to use new pronouns for someone, it's gonna be > awkward at first! That's how learning works! We'll just keep practicing > together. > - When we are transparent about why we're doing what we're doing (i.e. > our values, like Julian suggested), that's another step. When I get up to > give announcements, for example, I thank people for helping to make the > dance welcoming and inclusive, and I speak about our sliding scale, our > name buttons, our role terms, and wearing masks all as pathways to a more > inclusive and welcoming space, as ways that we care for one another. > - (Right now, I am still inclined to think that wearing masks is > another way that we create spaces of radical inclusion and safety, > especially for folks at higher risk for COVID, but that's a whole other > kettle of fish.) > > > On the flip side: If a dance uses gendered role terms, or when organizers > say things like "ugh I don't like Robins & Larks," or "I don't want to push > the issue," what I hear is: > "we don't care about you," > "we don't think transgender or nonbinary people exist," or > "you're causing problems for us just by being yourself." > OUCH. > > I would gently offer that there is no such thing as a non-political space. > Everything is political, even though you may not have noticed because you > were comfortable and the current setup worked for you. This is a country > where people are actively passing laws that harm transgender and queer > people. Choosing NOT to do something is also a political act. > > We set our dance culture together. People will notice the vibes more than > you think. Let's keep striving toward spaces that are deeply welcoming, > growthful, and joyful for everyone! This is part of why I am called to keep > organizing dances: because I can see the power in creating a community that > exists a little bit outside of space and time for a moment, a community > where we get to see the kind of joy, connection, collaboration, and care > that we dream of for society at large. What a delightful, magical thing. > > Yours in building joyful, inclusive dance community, > Dana Dwinell-Yardley > Montpelier, VT > danad...@gmail.com > > On Wed, Mar 15, 2023 at 2:24 PM Joe Harrington <contradancer...@gmail.com> > wrote: > >> Dana, this was so clearly articulated and beautifully written! Would you >> give permission for people to forward and post it publicly? I feel it >> important to ask, as we want this to be a safe place, even if the archives >> are searchable. >> >> --jh-- >> >> >> On Wed, Mar 15, 2023 at 12:23 PM Dana Dwinell-Yardley via Organizers < >> organizers@lists.sharedweight.net> wrote: >> >>> One more soap bubble for the soap box! >>> >>> We also take a step toward inclusion when we are kind, patient, and >>> supportive of each other while we learn new things: whether that's learning >>> how to balance and swing, or learning how to use new pronouns for someone. >>> It's gonna be awkward at first! That's how learning works! We'll just keep >>> practicing and improving together. >>> >>> Dana >>> >>> On Wed, Mar 15, 2023, 12:02 PM Mary Collins <native...@gmail.com> wrote: >>> >>>> Dana, >>>> >>>> Thank you. Well said and I am sharing with my very conservative >>>> board. I think they need a wake up call, forgive me but "either shit or >>>> get off the pot". If we really want our dance to continue we need to >>>> address this. >>>> >>>> I hope for a better tomorrow for all of us no matter the walk we choose. >>>> >>>> Blessings, >>>> Mary "from Buffalo" not. >>>> "And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who >>>> couldn't hear the music." - Nietzsche >>>> >>>> “Life is not about waiting for the storms to pass ... it's about >>>> learning to dance in the rain!” ~ unknown >>>> >>>> >>>> On Wed, Mar 15, 2023 at 11:21 AM Dana Dwinell-Yardley via Organizers < >>>> organizers@lists.sharedweight.net> wrote: >>>> >>>>> Hi all, >>>>> >>>>> I'm going to explore this intersection of gender-free role terms + >>>>> welcoming new dancers + growing community a little bit. [And by "a little >>>>> bit" I actually mean a "a long soapbox about important stuff," so hang on >>>>> for the ride.] >>>>> >>>>> I'm a genderqueer / gender nonconforming person, and a huge part of my >>>>> folk community includes transgender, nonbinary, and other gender >>>>> nonconforming folks. If you haven't been paying much attention to the >>>>> news, >>>>> let me tell you: The political and social climate around gender and >>>>> sexuality in the United States right now is *terrifying* for LGBTQ+ folks. >>>>> Twenty-three states introduced laws in 2022 that infringe or attack the >>>>> basic rights of transgender and queer people, and more than 13 of those >>>>> bills have become law. There is a ton of hatred, fear, and violence being >>>>> directed toward the queer and trans community, especially youth, even in >>>>> liberal states like Vermont (where I live). >>>>> >>>>> All this is to say — it's a hard and scary time to be a queer person. >>>>> And our dance communities have the potential to be places of radical >>>>> inclusion, expansiveness, safety, and welcome in a violent world that >>>>> seeks >>>>> to deny us our basic right to exist. >>>>> >>>>> - When a dance uses gender-free terms, that is a step toward that >>>>> radical inclusion. >>>>> - When dancers are comfortable and happy to dance with any person >>>>> in any role, that's another step. (For example, if you've got a lot of >>>>> men >>>>> who show obvious discomfort at swinging anyone who's not a woman, the >>>>> dancing is likely to feel icky and unsafe to trans & nonbinary folks or >>>>> anyone swapping roles, regardless of terms used.) >>>>> - When we take the time to explain our dance culture as well as >>>>> the basic moves, that's another step. >>>>> - When we offer nametags with a place to write in pronouns, that's >>>>> another step. >>>>> - When we offer a sliding scale to make our dance accessible to >>>>> folks of all income levels, that's another step. >>>>> - When people can see themselves reflected in the organizing >>>>> committee members (i.e. diversity of age, gender, class background, >>>>> race, >>>>> etc), in a way that's actually sharing the work and not tokenizing >>>>> people, >>>>> that's another step. >>>>> - When long-time dancers ask newcomers to dance in a friendly but >>>>> not pushy way, and we normalize saying no as well as saying yes, that's >>>>> another step. >>>>> - When we normalize giving and receiving feedback about the way >>>>> our dancing affects others, that's another step. (i.e. "hey, will you >>>>> grab >>>>> my hand less tightly? that hurts." "oh! thanks for telling me! is that >>>>> better?) >>>>> - When we are transparent about why we're doing what we're doing >>>>> (i.e. our values, like Julian suggested), that's another step. When I >>>>> get >>>>> up to give announcements, for example, I thank people for helping to >>>>> make >>>>> the dance welcoming and inclusive, and I speak about our sliding >>>>> scale, our >>>>> name buttons, our role terms, and wearing masks all as pathways to a >>>>> more >>>>> inclusive and welcoming space, as ways that we care for one another. >>>>> - (Right now, I am still inclined to think that wearing masks is >>>>> another way that we create spaces of radical inclusion and safety, >>>>> especially for folks at higher risk for COVID, but that's a whole other >>>>> kettle of fish.) >>>>> >>>>> On the flip side: If a dance uses gendered role terms, or when >>>>> organizers say things like "ugh I don't like Robins & Larks," or "I don't >>>>> want to push the issue," what I hear is: >>>>> "we don't care about you," >>>>> "we don't think transgender or nonbinary people exist," or >>>>> "you're causing problems for us just by being yourself." >>>>> OUCH. >>>>> >>>>> I would gently offer that there is no such thing as a non-political >>>>> space. Everything is political, even though you may not have noticed >>>>> because the politics weren't affecting you and you were comfortable >>>>> because >>>>> the current setup worked for you. This is a country where people are >>>>> actively passing laws that harm transgender and queer people. Choosing NOT >>>>> to do something is also a political act. >>>>> >>>>> We set our dance culture together. People will notice the vibes more >>>>> than you think. Let's keep striving toward spaces that are deeply >>>>> welcoming, growthful, and joyful for everyone! This is part of why I am >>>>> called to keep organizing dances: because I can see the power in creating >>>>> a >>>>> community that exists a little bit outside of space and time for a moment, >>>>> a community where we get to see the kind of joy, connection, >>>>> collaboration, >>>>> and care that we dream of for society at large. What a delightful, magical >>>>> thing. >>>>> >>>>> Yours in building joyful, inclusive dance community, >>>>> Dana >>>>> Montpelier, VT >>>>> >>>>> >>>>> On Wed, Mar 15, 2023 at 8:53 AM Julian Blechner via Organizers < >>>>> organizers@lists.sharedweight.net> wrote: >>>>> >>>>>> Lots of good suggestions from a lot of people. >>>>>> >>>>>> I think I can boil down success keeping new dancers to: >>>>>> 1. Listen to youth, put then on your committee, and implement their >>>>>> suggestions. >>>>>> 2. Have a written values statement, which all of your other policies >>>>>> follow. >>>>>> 3. Make it clear you want to hear from dancers with compliments or >>>>>> complaints. And actually deal with complaints. Over and over, the biggest >>>>>> reason I hear people not returning (other than just not liking the dance >>>>>> form) is unhandled and ignored complaints. >>>>>> >>>>>> In dance, >>>>>> Julian Blechner >>>>>> >>>>>> On Wed, Mar 15, 2023, 8:10 AM Chrissy Fowler via Organizers < >>>>>> organizers@lists.sharedweight.net> wrote: >>>>>> >>>>>>> *“Getting back to the subject of repeat visitors, perhaps the >>>>>>> biggest difference of all is a caller who brings the fun and the >>>>>>> inclusiveness, the type who can laugh with you when something goes >>>>>>> goofy. >>>>>>> (… . ) I'm tremendously grateful to everyone organizing contra dances, >>>>>>> and to all the people trying to make their dance a little bit better >>>>>>> each >>>>>>> week.* >>>>>>> *Lex Spoon”* >>>>>>> >>>>>>> Hear, hear! >>>>>>> >>>>>>> (And I think it’s also the organizers who can bring that fun and >>>>>>> inclusiveness and set the tone for embracing the goofiness.) Let’s face >>>>>>> it, >>>>>>> even though some folks forget and take it all a bit too seriously, these >>>>>>> dances we love are *incredibly* weird. Beautifully so, but >>>>>>> definitely on the silly side of joy. >>>>>>> >>>>>>> I’m also grateful for all you folks sharing ideas and experiences >>>>>>> openly and nonjudgmentally. What a gift! >>>>>>> >>>>>>> Chrissy Fowler >>>>>>> Belfast Maine >>>>>>> *Where we are digging out from the latest nor’easter (ah the joys of >>>>>>> finally getting winter weather in March)* >>>>>>> _______________________________________________ >>>>>>> Organizers mailing list -- organizers@lists.sharedweight.net >>>>>>> To unsubscribe send an email to >>>>>>> organizers-le...@lists.sharedweight.net >>>>>>> >>>>>> _______________________________________________ >>>>>> Organizers mailing list -- organizers@lists.sharedweight.net >>>>>> To unsubscribe send an email to >>>>>> organizers-le...@lists.sharedweight.net >>>>>> >>>>> >>>>> >>>>> -- >>>>> Dana Dwinell-Yardley >>>>> pronouns: she/her/hers >>>>> 802-505-6639 >>>>> Montpelier, Vermont >>>>> _______________________________________________ >>>>> Organizers mailing list -- organizers@lists.sharedweight.net >>>>> To unsubscribe send an email to >>>>> organizers-le...@lists.sharedweight.net >>>>> >>>> _______________________________________________ >>> Organizers mailing list -- organizers@lists.sharedweight.net >>> To unsubscribe send an email to organizers-le...@lists.sharedweight.net >>> >> > > -- > Dana Dwinell-Yardley > pronouns: she/her/hers > 802-505-6639 > Montpelier, Vermont > _______________________________________________ > Organizers mailing list -- organizers@lists.sharedweight.net > To unsubscribe send an email to organizers-le...@lists.sharedweight.net >
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