Re: [ozmidwifery] Sleep Baby Sleep

Sun, 22 Jun 2003 23:24:17 -0700

I think you are right Marilyn - did anyone see Saturdays Age -re 25 year olds and the stress these women are under - career/ study etc -not at all about mothers, but add mothering, especially with unrealistic expectations, to this scenario and it would all be a slippery downhill slide.
 
I have several friends at the grandmother end who are wearing this stress (as well as trying to live their own lives) and actually being diagnosed with depression -as their young daughters are struggling with mothering and finding it overwhelming - maybe we all need to learn to slow up somehow and reach out to each other more.  It seems prescriptions (which I am not knocking either, as they are a definite lifeline, just the irony that they are offered as the 'fix') are needed to cope with things that should be helped by support - yet the community for honoring mothering isnt really there and our life pace is getting so fast. Or could it be these new mums are part of a generation who missed out on nurturing themselves?
 
There is a saying - "happiness is not in things it is in us" but perhaps it really isnt "in us" if we are stressed from birth and as infants -and possibly predisposed to react more sensitively to work/life stress. There is evidence that excess stress hormones -iecortisol can "shrink"/ alter parts of the brain - at any age (I am just waiting for a new desk to arrive so all my stuff is inaccessible but had some interesting notes from a neuro psychologist at Monash on this). So if women were already living under stress, then they would be close to the 'edge' and a baby could be the final 'straw' .
 
  I am not sure how much of this stress is due to perception and expectations - surely mothers/ people in general havent always been so unhappy.
 
Pinky
 
----- Original Message -----
Sent: Tuesday, June 24, 2003 7:18 AM
Subject: Re: [ozmidwifery] Sleep Baby Sleep

I totally agree with both Darren and Pinky as I am sure most everyone on the list does. However if you go to the Forums on that website, you see a whole other experience.  It seems many new mothers have a very unrealistic expectation about being a mother, and not much has changed in 30 years of the expectations of many men. Of course these expectations are reinforced by family and friends.
 
 The sad thing that seems to be hitting me over the head as I work on the postnatal ward is that I think many women are latently (is that the right word) depressed: I mean just marginally below the surface of true clinical depression. And so it doesn't take much to tip them over the edge of not coping. They are not happy, they are barely coping with life, in short they are doing it tough. Maybe I am over reacting, I hope so. And I don't think a mental health referral would help any more than a sleep baby sleep program. However I do think these baby sleep marketeers are taking advantage of a climate of unhappiness.
 
marilyn
----- Original Message -----
Sent: Sunday, June 22, 2003 8:21 PM
Subject: Re: [ozmidwifery] Sleep Baby Sleep

I agree with Pinky,
 
Sleep managment masqurades as many forms (controlled crying etc.)
There exits undue pressure not only from your own family but from relatives and friends to implement some form of sleep modification. Especially when bith of you have had no sleep for days , your moody and feeling distressed.
Our beautiful child is 12 months now and he recently went through a 2 week period of waking every hour. Needless to say we spent a lot of time supporting each other and I explained to my work collegues that i wasn't going to be much use..(ha ha).
That was only a few weeks back and now he is sleeping with only one or 2 wakes a night.(ps he does sleep with us also).
He did have his molars comming  through and I definately believe they effected his sleeping patterns.
 
Babies and their families need support and reassurance, not systems of behaviour modification.
 
Darren
----- Original Message -----
Sent: Monday, June 23, 2003 9:06 AM
Subject: Re: [ozmidwifery] Sleep Baby Sleep

YUk!!!
Sounds cruel and a rip off to me - have you seen the Australian association of Infant mental health policy on controlled crying (settling techniques included) -I have a copy if anyone wants to email me offlist (so I can attach). I will try and get it onto my website soon.
 
BTW - they recommend my books as an alternative to CC.
 
I had a mum at my infant massage class last week - with a beautiful 3 month old - very upset and confused as her MCH had told her her baby a) should be sleeping longer (and alone - she co-sleeps) b) she shouldnt allow him to fall asleep in the sling and c) if he breastfeeds to sleep this will cause insomnia as he will wake -ALL NIGHT - seeking a breast.Thankfully there was a wonderfully sensible mum of a seven month old whose baby had just gently weaned off bedtime booby who was able to reinforce that the baby knows what it is ready for  - without force. We talked about how mothers can nurture themselves/ pressures/ make life simpler etc -then I gave homework - a "jarmy/ cocoon day" - feedback was very positive about how much they struggled with pressure to be superwoman - and how much it really didnt matter that they left the dishes etc - it was all still there or not important once they did get back into things.
 
I am sure many of these mums are just very pressured that their babies are not behaving "properly" - there is a lot of performance anxiety rather than actual exhaustion, and if exhaustion is the case - why? What is the mother trying to do as well as mother and bond with her baby? -especially when many of these bubs are less than 6 weeks old - the traditional lying in time. Could the mother have PND and all theblame is being laid on the baby? How can the mum nurture herself and could she try some gentle techniques to help baby sleep a bit "better" - ie massage/ relaxation bath/ 'topup feed' last thing before she goes to bed -without waking baby (breastmilk if bub is breastfed), minimising stimulation at bedtime - how many mums have TV on  -this is a bombardmernt of new-born senses? Examine mums diet - ??high in salicylates/ caffeine etc which could make bub restless. ?Food intolerance.
 
There are lots of simple commonsense things that should be passed on mother to mother without charging $500 - It really shows that not only birth and breastfeeding, but infant sleep management is medicalised as well -  Im not having a go at LCs here -I just feel we can see things as problematic when it should all be a natural process; I feel the need for breastfeeding intervention is real but likely due to issues surrounding birth - ?? are all these things a follow-on from managed birth -are we all that desperate for control? - and, would surrendering at birth help mothers surrender to the natural forces of mothering? I believe it would.
 
Pinky
----- Original Message -----
Sent: Sunday, June 22, 2003 9:47 PM
Subject: [ozmidwifery] Sleep Baby Sleep

Dear Wise Listers,
 
Has anyone heard of this program called "Sleep Baby Sleep". One of the woman emailed someone and had quote of this superb course to positive routine management for $500. Please check out the website www.sleepbabysleep.net
 
I told the woman and her husband to utilise local support instead. Is this a scam?
 
Ping
 

---
Outgoing mail is certified Virus Free.
Checked by AVG anti-virus system (http://www.grisoft.com).
Version: 6.0.490 / Virus Database: 289 - Release Date: 16/06/2003

Reply via email to