----- Original Message -----
Sent: Tuesday, June 24, 2003 12:53
AM
Subject: RE: [ozmidwifery] Sleep Baby
Sleep
I must
agree with Pinky as well
And I call
it the CIO method, the old name which is really CRY IT OUT. Now they
call it "controlled crying" so it sounds a bit less cruel. This is in fact the
old CRY IT OUT method, which means parents are told to let their babies cry ,
cry, cry until there are no more tears and so they sleep very tired from a
very stressful cry, and probably thinking it makes no difference to cry or
not, since mum and dad won't come to comfort them anyway.
Sad.
I went to
this website (sleep baby sleep) and looked on their forum, and there it was:
BINGO! Someone mentioned NGALA , an organisation in WA that promotes
this CIO method for babies and also preaches that we should cut the night
feeds and even avoid eye contact with the baby during the night (in case they
wake up)amongst other pretty full on evil ways. Sad.
And the worst thing is that these people have plenty
of room in the media, I always hear them talking on the radio as "specialists"
or "experts in sleep methods", "experts in parenting"
And they do
have an audience!
May God
have mercy on them! What sort of child-parent relationship are these
people creating by establishing that pattern?
Jackie
I think you are right Marilyn - did anyone see
Saturdays Age -re 25 year olds and the stress these women are under -
career/ study etc -not at all about mothers, but add mothering, especially
with unrealistic expectations, to this scenario and it would all be a
slippery downhill slide.
I have several friends at the grandmother end
who are wearing this stress (as well as trying to live their own
lives) and actually being diagnosed with depression -as their young
daughters are struggling with mothering and finding it overwhelming - maybe
we all need to learn to slow up somehow and reach out to each other
more. It seems prescriptions (which I am not knocking either, as they
are a definite lifeline, just the irony that they are offered as the 'fix')
are needed to cope with things that should be helped by support - yet the
community for honoring mothering isnt really there and our life pace is
getting so fast. Or could it be these new mums are part of a generation who
missed out on nurturing themselves?
There is a saying - "happiness is not in things
it is in us" but perhaps it really isnt "in us" if we are stressed from
birth and as infants -and possibly predisposed to react more sensitively to
work/life stress. There is evidence that excess stress hormones -iecortisol
can "shrink"/ alter parts of the brain - at any age (I am just
waiting for a new desk to arrive so all my stuff is inaccessible but had
some interesting notes from a neuro psychologist at Monash on this). So if
women were already living under stress, then they would be close to the
'edge' and a baby could be the final 'straw' .
I am not sure how much of this
stress is due to perception and expectations - surely mothers/ people in
general havent always been so unhappy.
Pinky
----- Original Message -----
Sent: Tuesday, June 24, 2003 7:18
AM
Subject: Re: [ozmidwifery] Sleep Baby
Sleep
I totally agree with both Darren and Pinky as
I am sure most everyone on the list does. However if you go to the Forums
on that website, you see a whole other experience. It seems many new
mothers have a very unrealistic expectation about being a mother, and not
much has changed in 30 years of the expectations of many men. Of course
these expectations are reinforced by family and friends.
The sad thing that seems to be hitting
me over the head as I work on the postnatal ward is that I think many
women are latently (is that the right word) depressed: I mean just
marginally below the surface of true clinical depression. And so it
doesn't take much to tip them over the edge of not coping. They are not
happy, they are barely coping with life, in short they are doing it tough.
Maybe I am over reacting, I hope so. And I don't think a mental
health referral would help any more than a sleep baby sleep program.
However I do think these baby sleep marketeers are taking advantage
of a climate of unhappiness.
marilyn
----- Original Message -----
Sent: Sunday, June 22, 2003 8:21
PM
Subject: Re: [ozmidwifery] Sleep
Baby Sleep
I agree with
Pinky,
Sleep managment masqurades as
many forms (controlled crying etc.)
There exits undue pressure
not only from your own family but from relatives and friends to
implement some form of sleep modification. Especially when bith of you
have had no sleep for days , your moody and feeling
distressed.
Our beautiful child is 12
months now and he recently went through a 2 week period of waking every
hour. Needless to say we spent a lot of time supporting each other and I
explained to my work collegues that i wasn't going to be much use..(ha
ha).
That was only a few weeks
back and now he is sleeping with only one or 2 wakes a night.(ps he does
sleep with us also).
He did have his molars
comming through and I definately believe they effected his
sleeping patterns.
Babies and their families
need support and reassurance, not systems of behaviour
modification.
Darren
----- Original Message -----
Sent: Monday, June 23, 2003 9:06
AM
Subject: Re: [ozmidwifery] Sleep
Baby Sleep
YUk!!!
Sounds cruel and a rip off to me - have
you seen the Australian association of Infant mental health policy on
controlled crying (settling techniques included) -I have a copy if
anyone wants to email me offlist (so I can attach). I will try and get
it onto my website soon.
BTW - they recommend my books as an
alternative to CC.
I had a mum at my infant massage class
last week - with a beautiful 3 month old - very upset and confused as
her MCH had told her her baby a) should be sleeping longer (and
alone - she co-sleeps) b) she shouldnt allow him to fall asleep in the
sling and c) if he breastfeeds to sleep this will cause insomnia as he
will wake -ALL NIGHT - seeking a breast.Thankfully there was a
wonderfully sensible mum of a seven month old whose baby had just
gently weaned off bedtime booby who was able to reinforce that the
baby knows what it is ready for - without force. We talked about
how mothers can nurture themselves/ pressures/ make life
simpler etc -then I gave homework - a "jarmy/ cocoon day" -
feedback was very positive about how much they struggled with pressure
to be superwoman - and how much it really didnt matter that they left
the dishes etc - it was all still there or not important once they did
get back into things.
I am sure many of these mums are just
very pressured that their babies are not behaving "properly"
- there is a lot of performance anxiety rather than actual
exhaustion, and if exhaustion is the case - why? What is the mother
trying to do as well as mother and bond with her baby? -especially
when many of these bubs are less than 6 weeks old - the traditional
lying in time. Could the mother have PND and all theblame is being
laid on the baby? How can the mum nurture herself and could she try
some gentle techniques to help baby sleep a bit "better" - ie massage/
relaxation bath/ 'topup feed' last thing before she goes to bed
-without waking baby (breastmilk if bub is breastfed), minimising
stimulation at bedtime - how many mums have TV on -this is a
bombardmernt of new-born senses? Examine mums diet - ??high in
salicylates/ caffeine etc which could make bub restless. ?Food
intolerance.
There are lots of simple commonsense
things that should be passed on mother to mother without charging $500
- It really shows that not only birth and breastfeeding, but infant
sleep management is medicalised as well - Im not having a go at
LCs here -I just feel we can see things as problematic when it should
all be a natural process; I feel the need for breastfeeding
intervention is real but likely due to issues
surrounding birth - ?? are all these things a follow-on from managed
birth -are we all that desperate for control? - and, would
surrendering at birth help mothers surrender to the natural forces of
mothering? I believe it would.
Pinky
----- Original Message -----
Sent: Sunday, June 22, 2003
9:47 PM
Subject: [ozmidwifery] Sleep
Baby Sleep
Dear Wise Listers,
Has anyone heard of this program called
"Sleep Baby Sleep". One of the woman emailed someone and had quote
of this superb course to positive routine management for $500.
Please check out the website www.sleepbabysleep.net
I told the woman and her husband to
utilise local support instead. Is this a scam?
Ping
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