|
I must agree
with Pinky as well
And I call it
the CIO method, the old name which is really CRY IT OUT. Now they call it
"controlled crying" so it sounds a bit less cruel. This is in fact the old CRY
IT OUT method, which means parents are told to let their babies cry , cry, cry
until there are no more tears and so they sleep very tired from a very stressful
cry, and probably thinking it makes no difference to cry or not, since mum and
dad won't come to comfort them anyway. Sad.
I went to
this website (sleep baby sleep) and looked on their forum, and there it was:
BINGO! Someone mentioned NGALA , an organisation in WA that promotes this
CIO method for babies and also preaches that we should cut the night feeds and
even avoid eye contact with the baby during the night (in case they wake
up)amongst other pretty full on evil ways. Sad.
And the
worst thing is that these people have plenty of room in the media, I always
hear them talking on the radio as "specialists" or "experts in sleep methods",
"experts in parenting"
And they do
have an audience!
May God have
mercy on them! What sort of child-parent relationship are these people
creating by establishing that pattern?
Jackie
I think you are right Marilyn - did anyone see
Saturdays Age -re 25 year olds and the stress these women are under - career/
study etc -not at all about mothers, but add mothering, especially with
unrealistic expectations, to this scenario and it would all be a slippery
downhill slide.
I have several friends at the grandmother end who
are wearing this stress (as well as trying to live their own
lives) and actually being diagnosed with depression -as their young
daughters are struggling with mothering and finding it overwhelming - maybe we
all need to learn to slow up somehow and reach out to each other more.
It seems prescriptions (which I am not knocking either, as they are a definite
lifeline, just the irony that they are offered as the 'fix') are needed to
cope with things that should be helped by support - yet the community for
honoring mothering isnt really there and our life pace is getting so fast. Or
could it be these new mums are part of a generation who missed out on
nurturing themselves?
There is a saying - "happiness is not in things
it is in us" but perhaps it really isnt "in us" if we are stressed from birth
and as infants -and possibly predisposed to react more sensitively to
work/life stress. There is evidence that excess stress hormones -iecortisol
can "shrink"/ alter parts of the brain - at any age (I am just
waiting for a new desk to arrive so all my stuff is inaccessible but had some
interesting notes from a neuro psychologist at Monash on this). So if women
were already living under stress, then they would be close to the 'edge'
and a baby could be the final 'straw' .
I am not sure how much of this stress
is due to perception and expectations - surely mothers/ people in
general havent always been so unhappy.
Pinky
----- Original Message -----
Sent: Tuesday, June 24, 2003 7:18
AM
Subject: Re: [ozmidwifery] Sleep Baby
Sleep
I totally agree with both Darren and Pinky as I
am sure most everyone on the list does. However if you go to the Forums on
that website, you see a whole other experience. It seems many new
mothers have a very unrealistic expectation about being a mother, and not
much has changed in 30 years of the expectations of many men. Of course
these expectations are reinforced by family and friends.
The sad thing that seems to be hitting me
over the head as I work on the postnatal ward is that I think many women are
latently (is that the right word) depressed: I mean just marginally below
the surface of true clinical depression. And so it doesn't take much to tip
them over the edge of not coping. They are not happy, they are barely coping
with life, in short they are doing it tough. Maybe I am over reacting, I
hope so. And I don't think a mental health referral would help any more
than a sleep baby sleep program. However I do think these baby sleep
marketeers are taking advantage of a climate of unhappiness.
marilyn
----- Original Message -----
Sent: Sunday, June 22, 2003 8:21
PM
Subject: Re: [ozmidwifery] Sleep Baby
Sleep
I agree with
Pinky,
Sleep managment masqurades as
many forms (controlled crying etc.)
There exits undue pressure not
only from your own family but from relatives and friends to implement some
form of sleep modification. Especially when bith of you have had no sleep
for days , your moody and feeling distressed.
Our beautiful child is 12
months now and he recently went through a 2 week period of waking every
hour. Needless to say we spent a lot of time supporting each other and I
explained to my work collegues that i wasn't going to be much use..(ha
ha).
That was only a few weeks back
and now he is sleeping with only one or 2 wakes a night.(ps he does sleep
with us also).
He did have his molars
comming through and I definately believe they effected his sleeping
patterns.
Babies and their families need
support and reassurance, not systems of behaviour
modification.
Darren
----- Original Message -----
Sent: Monday, June 23, 2003 9:06
AM
Subject: Re: [ozmidwifery] Sleep
Baby Sleep
YUk!!!
Sounds cruel and a rip off to me - have you
seen the Australian association of Infant mental health policy on
controlled crying (settling techniques included) -I have a copy if
anyone wants to email me offlist (so I can attach). I will try and get
it onto my website soon.
BTW - they recommend my books as an
alternative to CC.
I had a mum at my infant massage class last
week - with a beautiful 3 month old - very upset and confused as her MCH
had told her her baby a) should be sleeping longer (and alone - she
co-sleeps) b) she shouldnt allow him to fall asleep in the sling and c)
if he breastfeeds to sleep this will cause insomnia as he will wake -ALL
NIGHT - seeking a breast.Thankfully there was a wonderfully sensible mum
of a seven month old whose baby had just gently weaned off bedtime booby
who was able to reinforce that the baby knows what it is ready for
- without force. We talked about how mothers can nurture themselves/
pressures/ make life simpler etc -then I gave homework - a "jarmy/
cocoon day" - feedback was very positive about how much they
struggled with pressure to be superwoman - and how much it really didnt
matter that they left the dishes etc - it was all still there or not
important once they did get back into things.
I am sure many of these mums are just very
pressured that their babies are not behaving "properly" - there is
a lot of performance anxiety rather than actual exhaustion, and if
exhaustion is the case - why? What is the mother trying to do as well as
mother and bond with her baby? -especially when many of these bubs are
less than 6 weeks old - the traditional lying in time. Could the mother
have PND and all theblame is being laid on the baby? How can the mum
nurture herself and could she try some gentle techniques to help baby
sleep a bit "better" - ie massage/ relaxation bath/ 'topup feed' last
thing before she goes to bed -without waking baby (breastmilk if
bub is breastfed), minimising stimulation at bedtime - how many mums
have TV on -this is a bombardmernt of new-born senses? Examine
mums diet - ??high in salicylates/ caffeine etc which could make
bub restless. ?Food intolerance.
There are lots of simple commonsense things
that should be passed on mother to mother without charging $500 - It
really shows that not only birth and breastfeeding, but infant sleep
management is medicalised as well - Im not having a go at LCs here
-I just feel we can see things as problematic when it should all be a
natural process; I feel the need for breastfeeding intervention is
real but likely due to issues surrounding birth - ?? are
all these things a follow-on from managed birth -are we all that
desperate for control? - and, would surrendering at birth help mothers
surrender to the natural forces of mothering? I believe it
would.
Pinky
----- Original Message -----
Sent: Sunday, June 22, 2003 9:47
PM
Subject: [ozmidwifery] Sleep Baby
Sleep
Dear Wise Listers,
Has anyone heard of this program called
"Sleep Baby Sleep". One of the woman emailed someone and had quote of
this superb course to positive routine management for $500. Please
check out the website www.sleepbabysleep.net
I told the woman and her husband to
utilise local support instead. Is this a scam?
Ping
---
Outgoing mail is certified
Virus Free.
Checked by AVG anti-virus system (http://www.grisoft.com).
Version:
6.0.490 / Virus Database: 289 - Release Date:
16/06/2003
|
