My husband and I were in a similar predicament 25 years ago. We now have 2
well-adjusted daughters and 4 granddaughters! God is good. People like Amy's
mother give Christianity a bad name, unfortunately. Time has healed all
wounds here! You and Amy focus on taking care of that new little life inside
her and God will take care of the rest! Keep believing!
Mare C4-5 28 yrs post, 50
----- Original Message -----
From: "Eric Olson" <[EMAIL PROTECTED]>
To: "quad" <[email protected]>
Sent: Saturday, January 14, 2006 8:09 PM
Subject: [QUAD-L] advice
Everyone,
I'm currently in a situation I don't know how to handle. My wife, (I call
her my wife but we could only have a commitment ceremony) Amy's family is
just awful. For our commitment ceremony, we rented a hall, had dinner the
whole nine yards and her parents refused to come. Her parents are these
hardcore pentecostal Christians which is odd because Amy's mother is the
most evil woman I've NEVER met. When Amy and I started dating, She took
Amy's picture off the wall in their house. She used to have prayer
meetings at the house and they would pray for Amy to change her mind.
Amy's sister said marrying me would be like marrying a rapist. Her
brother told her she should start thinking with her head instead of her
heart. Her father seems to have at least made peace with it.
Unfortunately, for us, he has no testicles. If Amy's mom told him he
could no longer have any contact with his own daughter, that's what he'd
do. That statement pretty much sums up how ball-less he is and how
manipulative she is. It would take days to write everything they have
done so you'll just have to trust me. I could give a rats ass what they
think of me, but they treat their own daughter /sister like shit because
of me. This shit has been going on the entire 5 years we've been
together.
Unfortunately, Amy has this bizarre need for her family's approval
especially from her mother. She has been reaching out to her family the
past 5 years to try and make things work and every time they shit on her.
I keep telling her, the only way to keep from getting hurt, is to just
write off her family for now and hope things improve in the distant
future. I know they won't. She doesn't listen. She walks around crying
saying "I have no mother." I feel bad for her. Needing her mothers
approval has turned into a sick obsession in my opinion. What should I
do?
This is where things get complicated. Amy is pregnant. Normally this
would be great news to share with you but with her family ... To get the
whole picture, you really need to understand how screwed up and evil Amy's
mother is. A couple years ago, Amy had a friend's kid over at her
mother's house and the baby was crying. Amy's mother says "he's crying
because he comes from a broken home." His parents were not married at the
time. Amy's mom is the kind of nut that would tell our kid that his/her
parents are going to hell because they are not married. Funny story.
Amy's sister got married a couple weeks after we did outside at
disneyworld. During the ceremony there is a rumble of thunder in the
distance and Amy's mother says out loud so all 16 people attending heard
"that's because God doesn't approve of this marriage." She was sitting
next to the groom's mother when she said it.
Anyway, Amy knows her mother is way to stressful to tell before she's well
into her third trimester, but we're thinking about not telling them before
at all. Amy's afraid that, if her mother comes to see her in the
hospital, she will say something horrible and ruin the birth experience.
She hasn't decided whether to call afterwards or just send her parents a
birth announcement. I said we should just send them a high school
graduation picture. lol This is just for the birth. We don't know how
much of our child's life we want them to be. They've completely shunned
Amy and made it clear they want nothing to do with her as long as she's
with me. We don't think they really deserve to know or be part of the
kids life. Do we want to expose our kid to people that hate his /her dad
because he's disabled?
Part of me hopes that, if we do tell them, it will bring us together but
I know it won't. They will ask her to bring the baby over but only if she
comes alone. That's what they told her at Christmas. Part of me wants to
use the kid as a bargaining chip. I'd like to call Amy's dad and tell him
they better start treating Amy like a daughter deserves and quick or they
will NEVER see this kid. Anyone have an opinion?
Eric
