Wow, I sent this post to one lister when I meant to send it to the list. I don't know why the quad list replies go to the original poster and not the list. Oh well, I'll have to be more careful in the future. I have been reading replies about intimacy. I do think that it would be harder to find a romantic partner if one cannot get out and meet people. Also, it is difficult to meet the right romantic partner in bars/clubs. I met my dates (pre SCI) at work, through friends, and groups such as photography club. I never had luck with bars/clubs when I was "normal". It seemed like too much pressure and that people at the bars/clubs came on too strong. For me, it seemed scary to just have someone come up and act like they expected me to go home with them and get sexual. I'm one of those that need to warm up to a person before I get intimate. <forward reply as follows.>
I was injured at the age of 35, L3-L4 incomplete. I had been married for 12 years (now 20). My husband was afraid to touch me for months. In the beginning we averaged sex maybe once or twice a year. That lasted for years. The last couple of years, he finally realized that he wasn't going to injure me. Sometimes, I hurt too much for sex. Sometimes, sex causes pain. Sometimes, I have to take pain meds in order to have sex, rare, and had happened in the beginning. SCI has interfered with our sex life because of the pain. My husband and I have always been a bit shy and were never too adventurous so it isn't like we had sex olympics. Still, we are married and do enjoy our special times together and find it very fulfilling. I think the way that it has affected us is that we cannot be as spontaneous as before because of the pain and stiffness. You won't believe this, but in the beginning, I felt guilty for not being able to be there for my husband intimately. I even told him that he could get a girlfriend. I made him cry. He said that he would rather never have sex than cheat on me. We have had our ups and downs, but in general, he is very sweet and caring. He has it tough being my caregiver and my husband. Sometimes, with work and dealing with my health issues, he is too tired for intimate times. Othertimes, I am too sore so we really have to time it just right. Candle "Scars remind of us where we’ve been, they don’t have to dictate where we are going." ~David Rossi of Criminal Minds *********************************************************************** ________________________________ From: Don Price <[email protected]> I have a million questions, but the first, and most basic, are: how has SCI affected your intimate relationships? Do you have a sex life? Do you [and your partner] find it fulfilling? How does your current lovelife compare with before your injury? [Keep in mind that your replies may be searchable through Google in the future, so don't write anything you'd be embarrassed to have searched.]
