I met Pete in a bar when I was 9 years post, we didn't have sex until maybe 3 months later. Pete said he was looking for a quite "stay-at-home" type girl and that sex was on the bottom of her list. Well he got just the opposite. We complement each other very nicely. Early in our relationship when we would have intercourse it would give me a migraine headache, so he stopped … the LAST thing he wanted to do was hurt me. Sex is no longer important to me, most likely because of my pain level and for Pete he's just to darn tired being my soul care giver. Just "loving" each other is enough for us. For both of us - when we see each other after being apart for just a few hours … we are so excited to see each other. He ALWAYS makes my heart skip a beat after 29 years together. Now that's LOVE to me.
Sent from my iPad On Nov 27, 2011, at 3:29 PM, Candle <[email protected]> wrote: > Wow, I sent this post to one lister when I meant to send it to the list. I > don't know why the quad list replies go to the original poster and not the > list. Oh well, I'll have to be more careful in the future. I have been > reading replies about intimacy. I do think that it would be harder to find a > romantic partner if one cannot get out and meet people. Also, it is difficult > to meet the right romantic partner in bars/clubs. I met my dates (pre SCI) at > work, through friends, and groups such as photography club. I never had luck > with bars/clubs when I was "normal". It seemed like too much pressure and > that people at the bars/clubs came on too strong. For me, it seemed scary to > just have someone come up and act like they expected me to go home with them > and get sexual. I'm one of those that need to warm up to a person before I > get intimate. > > <forward reply as follows.> > I was injured at the age of 35, L3-L4 incomplete. I had been married for 12 > years (now 20). My husband was afraid to touch me for months. In the > beginning we averaged sex maybe once or twice a year. That lasted for years. > The last couple of years, he finally realized that he wasn't going to injure > me. Sometimes, I hurt too much for sex. Sometimes, sex causes pain. > Sometimes, I have to take pain meds in order to have sex, rare, and had > happened in the beginning. SCI has interfered with our sex life because of > the pain. My husband and I have always been a bit shy and were never too > adventurous so it isn't like we had sex olympics. Still, we are married and > do enjoy our special times together and find it very fulfilling. I think the > way that it has affected us is that we cannot be as spontaneous as before > because of the pain and stiffness. > > You won't believe this, but in the beginning, I felt guilty for not being > able to be there for my husband intimately. I even told him that he could get > a girlfriend. I made him cry. He said that he would rather never have sex > than cheat on me. We have had our ups and downs, but in general, he is very > sweet and caring. He has it tough being my caregiver and my husband. > Sometimes, with work and dealing with my health issues, he is too tired for > intimate times. Othertimes, I am too sore so we really have to time it just > right. > > Candle > "Scars remind of us where we’ve been, they don’t have to dictate where we are > going." > ~David Rossi of Criminal Minds > *********************************************************************** > > From: Don Price <[email protected]> > > > I have a million questions, but the first, and most basic, are: how has SCI > affected your intimate relationships? Do you have a sex life? Do you [and > your partner] find it fulfilling? How does your current lovelife compare > with before your injury? > > [Keep in mind that your replies may be searchable through Google in the > future, so don't write anything you'd be embarrassed to have searched.] > > > > >
