Q, What is your level of injury? Bobbir
Sent from my iPad On Nov 28, 2011, at 6:16 PM, Quadius <[email protected]> wrote: > Now most of you might understand why I write under a pseudonym. I have > avoided writing about this topic, because right now it is extremely > frustrating to me. I was injured at the age of 30 and had been married for > almost 10 years at the time. Unfortunately my wife is foreigner and was > living in the country of our origin at the time I had my accident. It's a > long story, but she just couldn't handle the new injury and moving over here > away from her comfort zone. I still see her every couple of years and we > have a wonderful relationship, but we are no longer married. She never > really ended up with anyone else, but she just doesn't want to live in the > states. And no, it the roles were reversed completely I don't know if I > would be willing to live over there either. Please no comments on that part > of my comment. > > As for sexual experience post SCI, I have only had a few. I had one > girlfriend that didn't have too much problem with my being a quadriplegic. I > did date another lady for a while, but she turned out to be married and we > didn't engage in any real sexual situations. I have had relationships with a > caregiver or two, but by and large my dating and sex life as atrophied to the > point where it's nonexistent. I think a lot of this has to do with the fact > that I don't go to bars, because I can't drink hardly any alcohol due to the > medications I take and I'm not able to be heard over the music anyway. > Getting to church is a nightmare in the form of logistics and the only people > I meet around my neighborhood are all married. > > I have tried reaching out on Craig's list to see if ladies want to go to the > movies and have had a few nibbles, but nothing really developed. To be > honest though I haven't really been looking for someone because I am still > holding out hope that the ex-wife will eventually move over here. I really > need to get over that and move on with my life. The worst part is due to > lack of female companionship (not necessarily intimate companionship) I often > slip into what I refer to as a sexual funk. Basically a troll porn sites and > do nothing but frustrate myself. In some ways this is akin to self > flagellation. This usually seems to occur whenever I am recovering from not > feeling well. It's that time were on building up my strength. This funk > seemed to disappear when I'm up to speed and able to concentrate on other > things for extended periods of time. > > In fact, I have been in a funk for the last week and it's definitely > inhibited my ability to read and concentrate on many other things. I need to > think about joining a book club or some other organization where I can meet > single ladies, mostly my age (47). > > Hope I haven't made too many errors, but you all understand the woes of > Dragon NaturallySpeaking. :-) > Q > PS I don't think I would be in the sexual funk if I could take matters into > my own hand, if you know what I mean? That's got to be the most bang your > head against a wall thing about this whole situation. The lack of my > inability to touch anything. > > Okay, I better stop. The violin is starting to sound in my head. :-) > > On Mon, Nov 21, 2011 at 3:28 PM, Don Price <[email protected]> wrote: > I raised the sex question because when we discussed turning and positioning > in bed the thought occured to me that everyone does things differently, and > we can learn so much from each other. I assume the same holds true for > intimacy, and I know we're always open to information and suggestions. :) > > My interest in the subject is part personal curiousity and part professional > interest as I do quite a bit of mentoring in my job. > > I have a million questions, but the first, and most basic, are: how has SCI > affected your intimate relationships? Do you have a sex life? Do you [and > your partner] find it fulfilling? How does your current lovelife compare > with before your injury? > > [Keep in mind that your replies may be searchable through Google in the > future, so don't write anything you'd be embarrassed to have searched.] > > I will answer my own questions to get the ball rolling: > > I was injured at age 18 and had not been sexually active before my injury. I > realized quickly after my injury [c5-6 complete] that I could get a > physiogenic erection [from touch] but not a psychogenic erection [from > thought.] I had very reduced sensation in that area but the sensation I have > is very nice. It took me many years post-injury to trust someone enough to > get to the point of intimacy, but during college one of my female caregivers > slipped into bed with me one night, removed my catheter and changed my life. > I never guessed that with my reduced sensation I could climax, but I did. > Not only that, but even with her doing all the 'work' I found that I could > please my partner. From that moment on I felt I had regained a certain > manliness that I thought was gone forever. > > I can't compare sex before and after SCI, but over the years I can say I've > had very fulfilling intimate relationships. > > Don. >
