Now most of you might understand why I write under a pseudonym. I have avoided writing about this topic, because right now it is extremely frustrating to me. I was injured at the age of 30 and had been married for almost 10 years at the time. Unfortunately my wife is foreigner and was living in the country of our origin at the time I had my accident. It's a long story, but she just couldn't handle the new injury and moving over here away from her comfort zone. I still see her every couple of years and we have a wonderful relationship, but we are no longer married. She never really ended up with anyone else, but she just doesn't want to live in the states. And no, it the roles were reversed completely I don't know if I would be willing to live over there either. Please no comments on that part of my comment.
As for sexual experience post SCI, I have only had a few. I had one girlfriend that didn't have too much problem with my being a quadriplegic. I did date another lady for a while, but she turned out to be married and we didn't engage in any real sexual situations. I have had relationships with a caregiver or two, but by and large my dating and sex life as atrophied to the point where it's nonexistent. I think a lot of this has to do with the fact that I don't go to bars, because I can't drink hardly any alcohol due to the medications I take and I'm not able to be heard over the music anyway. Getting to church is a nightmare in the form of logistics and the only people I meet around my neighborhood are all married. I have tried reaching out on Craig's list to see if ladies want to go to the movies and have had a few nibbles, but nothing really developed. To be honest though I haven't really been looking for someone because I am still holding out hope that the ex-wife will eventually move over here. I really need to get over that and move on with my life. The worst part is due to lack of female companionship (not necessarily intimate companionship) I often slip into what I refer to as a sexual funk. Basically a troll porn sites and do nothing but frustrate myself. In some ways this is akin to self flagellation. This usually seems to occur whenever I am recovering from not feeling well. It's that time were on building up my strength. This funk seemed to disappear when I'm up to speed and able to concentrate on other things for extended periods of time. In fact, I have been in a funk for the last week and it's definitely inhibited my ability to read and concentrate on many other things. I need to think about joining a book club or some other organization where I can meet single ladies, mostly my age (47). Hope I haven't made too many errors, but you all understand the woes of Dragon NaturallySpeaking. :-) Q PS I don't think I would be in the sexual funk if I could take matters into my own hand, if you know what I mean? That's got to be the most bang your head against a wall thing about this whole situation. The lack of my inability to touch anything. Okay, I better stop. The violin is starting to sound in my head. :-) On Mon, Nov 21, 2011 at 3:28 PM, Don Price <[email protected]> wrote: > I raised the sex question because when we discussed turning and > positioning in bed the thought occured to me that everyone does things > differently, and we can learn so much from each other. I assume the same > holds true for intimacy, and I know we're always open to information and > suggestions. > :) > > My interest in the subject is part personal curiousity and part > professional interest as I do quite a bit of mentoring in my job. > > I have a million questions, but the first, and most basic, are: how has > SCI affected your intimate relationships? Do you have a sex life? Do you > [and your partner] find it fulfilling? How does your current lovelife > compare with before your injury? > > [Keep in mind that your replies may be searchable through Google in the > future, so don't write anything you'd be embarrassed to have searched.] > > I will answer my own questions to get the ball rolling: > > I was injured at age 18 and had not been sexually active before my > injury. I realized quickly after my injury [c5-6 complete] that I could > get a physiogenic erection [from touch] but not a psychogenic erection > [from thought.] I had very reduced sensation in that area but the > sensation I have is very nice. It took me many years post-injury to trust > someone enough to get to the point of intimacy, but during college one of > my female caregivers slipped into bed with me one night, removed my > catheter and changed my life. I never guessed that with my reduced > sensation I could climax, but I did. Not only that, but even with her > doing all the 'work' I found that I could please my partner. From that > moment on I felt I had regained a certain manliness that I thought was gone > forever. > > I can't compare sex before and after SCI, but over the years I can say > I've had very fulfilling intimate relationships. > > Don. >
