Don, your reply is eloquent and passionate, not to mention brave. It is very easy to fall into despair as a quad, especially as we grow older and see friends and family members pass away and others become disabled or crippled with pain. Those of us who were injured in our teens were likely cared for by parents. Now those parents are themselves disabled or passed away. Those of us blessed to find a mate have someone to love and lean on. Sadly, many of us do not, and we lose hope and purpose at this point especially if we have been a quad for 40+ years. My mother and wife both have physical problems that make me weep. My wife, Melissa, has heart and blood pressure problems plus edema and recurring pleurisy that hangs over our heads like a dark cloud. I am causing pain and physical damage to her as she rolls and tugs me around. She can barely walk for the back pain. My mom is nearly 81. She still gets around, but I can see a difference in her nearly every day. And all I can do for both is be an added burden. I know life is precious, and I have been blessed with two beautiful kids and a 31-year job as a teacher. But at age 62, things just seem to be all downhill. Would Dr.Pausch have struggled for each new day if he knew the suffering would continually worsen and there was no end in sight? What if he faced another 30 years of suffering day-after-day the pain and misery of pancreatic cancer? I have no answer to the meaning of life much less an answer to suffering. I love my wife and family and treasure my time with them. Sometimes I just become overwhelmed with the endless problems of quadom. Then I have to blow steam or explode. Thanks to all my quad buds for letting me blow some steam. Love and blessings to all of you. Larry
Sent from my iPad Begin forwarded message: > Resent-From: [email protected] > From: Don Price <[email protected]> > Date: May 27, 2014 at 11:33:54 PM EDT > To: "[email protected]" <[email protected]>, Gmail > <[email protected]> > Cc: quad-list <[email protected]> > Subject: Re: [QUAD-L] To wake, or not to wake up? > Reply-To: Don Price <[email protected]> > > Bobbie, I've been thinking about your email since you posted it, trying to > mentally compose a reply. Here's my short answer: No, I've never wished not > to wake up. In fact, the opposite is true for me--I go to sleep every night > praying that I get another opportunity to be alive tomorrow. > > But, it's not a simple question to answer, is it? I consider myself extremely > lucky because 32 years post-injury I don't have the debilitating pain many of > you describe. I don't have any pressure sores or kidney stones; my bladder > and bowels function well and I still don't need Viagra. I'm not bragging; I > am grateful for everything I have. > > My first thought is that you have to be honest with yourself, Bobbie. Is this > simply a temporary period of 'the blues,' or do you possibly have clinical > depression? It's a very important distinction because depression does have a > physiological basis and can be effectively helped with medical intervention. > If you are having suicidal thoughts I beg you to seek a mental health > hotline--I guarantee there's one available in your community. > > On the other hand, if you're just feeling down and out, having a rough go of > things at the moment, then I'm glad you had the guts to mention it here. Yes, > I honestly think it took great courage to share a weak moment here, to be > vulnerable. 'Us people' with disabilities are always held up as > inspirational; we're fonts of strength and wisdom because we survived a > disability. We all know what a bunch of bullshit that is. Partly, that > misconception is fed by the media and their fixation on the 'supercrip.' I'm > sorry, but if I see one more news story about a guy climbing Half Dome in > Yosemite using only his tongue I'm going to puke! All of us here know we're > just regular human beings, getting up, doing our business, going to bed. > Guess what? Sometimes we even have bad days! > > However, Bobbie (and all), it is my firm belief that--barring medical issues > causing depression--we (and only we) have the power to make ourselves happy. > I don't just believe that, I know it. > > It's somewhat ironic that I read your email, entitled "To wake, or not to > wake up?" the same day I started reading 'The Last Lecture,' by Randy Pausch. > For those of you unfamiliar with Mr Pausch's Last Lecture, he's a Professor > at Carnegie Mellon University who learned he had only a few months to live > due to pancreatic cancer. His accurately-titled 'last lecture' is available > on youtube and shouldn't be missed. The irony is that this man endured > mind-boggling surgeries and procedures so he could have even a chance at > living a few days longer, and here we are talking about throwing away > precious days, weeks, years. I'm reading the book because my father--the > strongest man I've ever known--has recently been diagnosed with leukemia. > > I'm not judging anyone here. I can't walk a mile in your shoes (to use an > exceedingly inappropriate cliche,) so I don't have the right, or desire, to > lecture anyone. But, as I said, I know that we have the ability to choose > (yes, choose) happiness and gratefulness in our lives. HOW you do that is > going to be very much an individual thing. There are a million self-help > books out there, and a few of them are even good, but that journey is yours > to take on your own. > > Having said that, I still feel the compulsion to make a few suggestions (once > I start typing I just can't stop--sorry!) First of all, one has to make the > mind shift from what we've lost (or can't do,) to what we still have > available (or can do.) If you can see, be thankful. If you can hear, be > grateful. If you can think, praise the heavens. Somebody wrote that they miss > the simple things, like sitting up in bed and putting their feet on the > floor. If you could travel back in time you'd tell that guy not to take > ANYTHING for granted. Randy Pausch, who died from his cancer in 2008, less > than a year after giving his last lecture, would love to come back and tell > you that same thing today. Don't take YOUR life for granted. > > Can't go camping alone in the wilderness? Become a scout leader and inspire > the kids to step away from the X-Box. Can't bed a bunch of babes? Find one > you really like and write her the greatest love letter ever created--she > wouldn't stand a chance. Can't move your body? Move your mind! Take a class, > read the 100 greatest books ever written, join your city's council on > disability issues. If they don't have one, start one. Refute Stephen > Hawking's gravitational singularity theorem. Or write an haiku. My point > is.....well, you get my point. > > "I guess it comes down to a simple choice really. Get busy living, or get > busy dying." -Andy Dufrenes, The Shawshank Redemption. > > I'm heading off to bed now. My caregiver will be here shortly and I'm bushed. > Tomorrow I have committed to organize my music collection after I get home > from work. It sounds mundane but I'm excited! Thirty-plus years of collected > music will provide both dust and amazing memories. I can't wait to wake up > tomorrow and see what opportunities await. From the bottom of my heart I wish > the same for all of you. > > Don > Tempe, AZ > c5-6. Diving accident. 1982 > > > > On Tuesday, May 27, 2014 1:57 PM, "[email protected]" > <[email protected]> wrote: > > > Oh, yes many times Bobbie I get sick of the pain! > lindaf > > From: "Gmail" <[email protected]> > To: "quad-list" <[email protected]> > Sent: Monday, May 26, 2014 8:26:39 PM > Subject: [QUAD-L] To wake, or not to wake up? > > I have a question. 90% of the time when I go to sleep I hope/wish I will not > wake up in the morning. > Dose anybody else ever have these thoughts? Bobbie > > > > >
