Re: socializing - any tips?
Re: socializing - any tips? If you're making music, share it with the world and the world might get back to you one day! At least for me sutch was the case. About eight years ago I got pretty fed up by my friend asking me to make myself a soundcloud account and put my shit up there. Previously I had had quite a nice experience with one specific forum, where I posted my tracks basically to explain and show people, that one particular piece of kit is actually a real thing and not just a toy and got a pretty positive feedback and earned some good rep on there. The only thing I couldn't provide, was some kind of a video showing off my way of working due to understandable factors. Mentioning the obvious fact of me being blind didn't phase people too much, at least it didn't have any negative effect, but also didn't generate that nasty tasting false positivity "we all know, how that goes". And so I got myself onto soundcloud and after some time got contacted by a local guy here in Estonia, who runs a small underground label as a kind of a hobby and asked if I was interested in having one of my tracks on a compilation record, to which I of course gave a positive answer. That planted a seed to a partnership, that goes on to this day. Yes, it's just an underground thing and doesn't really bring money in my pocket, but there are also no stringent contracts and limits to my activities, but instead I have found respect and friends in the community of electronic musicians up here, which gives opportunities for giggs and simply access to people with common interest. As I am a type of persone, who goes really deep into details on some narrow choice of subjects and doesn't really interact on other levels, so imitating an interest in a totally uninteresting topic is out of the question, as interacting in a circle of likeminded souls works more than good!So, what I'm trying to accent is this: find some, may-be smaller, but well connected group of those similar to you - obviously they don't have to be blind, and trust me on this, if you find your place in sutch a group, they won't leave you and might change your life in a positive way. I could ramble along on this one, but those knowing me understand, that my thresshold in regard to writing thoughts out is pretty low and a feeling of getting messy is creaping up, but at least I have stated my main point here. URL: https://forum.audiogames.net/post/514182/#p514182 -- Audiogames-reflector mailing list Audiogames-reflector@sabahattin-gucukoglu.com https://sabahattin-gucukoglu.com/cgi-bin/mailman/listinfo/audiogames-reflector
Re: socializing - any tips?
2020-03-30
Thread
AudioGames . net Forum — Off-topic room : Jaidon Of the Caribbean via Audiogames-reflector
Re: socializing - any tips? When I was much younger I had a really hard time making friends. My school were really reluctant to accept me in the first place. They only let me in because my mom threatened to sue their asses. When I finally got there, they made me sit in a class, away from the class. The class was broken into 2 separate sections. The first one, where all the students were, and the second one where I was forced to stay. For the most part, the girls were only interested in my eye colour. Its gray with brown and Blue. I don't think they ever saw someone lieke me with blue eyes lol. Anyway. When I got to standard 1 or so, I started fitting in more. I was still a little outcasted, but I started to make more friends. But to myself I started feeling like they treated me like a baby. I started to isolate myself again, and I started to do more reading. A good chunk of them started cutting me off as well because I was excelling in my studies. They started spreading all sorts of rumours how I was cheating, and my aid was writing the correct answers for me. By the time standard four came around I met my bestfriend. His name was Khishawn. He liked me for me. Luckily for me, even though they looked at me differently I was still able to relate to their conversations because I didn't really know about blindie stuff. I was just an average Trinidadian 10 Year old. Instandard 5 the worst social event of life so far had occured. One of my friends who I had mad in First Year, Kye and another friend I had made, Kedel started, a revolt against me? Kye convinced everyone in class to attack me. Standard 5 was the worst until that point. My mom eventually came in and told the principal about it, and he did something that I hated him for. He told all of them to stay away from me. I have expensive gadgets etc. I had about a month until SEA so I just rode out the storm. Now High School came. New start, I have new knowledge, and new ideas. By this time I was introduced to the blindie world fully. The first week was people bombarding me with questions. I didn't really care for people because of the stuff that had happened but 3 months ago, but I made one friend. Jerome. Jerome and I were really, really tight. We were so close in fact, people thought we were brothers. We looked the same, we were the same hight, and we were alwasy together. Eventually I made more friends. I showed them my world, how I do things, and I even flabbergasted them by showing them that I'm a normal person. I laughed at their blind jokes, and I made some of my own. The thing is, just be normal. Don't go flaunting yourself around as if you're trying to get support for blind people. Yes show them that you're a nomal person, but as I told RTT, don't be a hero. Be friendly. Joke around with them. If you're not into anime, pervy stuff, sports and meems, don't go forcing yourself into that stuff. If they don't wanna be your friend out of their own free will well so be it. At the end of the day, you go to school for an education. Friends are just something you happen to make along the way. And sometimes, even your best friends can turn on you. I personally experienced that. I hope you manage to make some real, true friends. And as Nevv said, anyone who wants to be your friend out of self-preservation is a dirty person. And you tell them this. "You my friend attempt to befriend me to make yourself look good? Or to get a reward? Well guess what? I don't need your pitty. Get a life, and buzz off." You can phrase it along those lines, but by you telling them that, you set a president, and people who even hear you speaking like that will realise you're a cool dude who isn't willing to be pushed around. URL: https://forum.audiogames.net/post/514106/#p514106 -- Audiogames-reflector mailing list Audiogames-reflector@sabahattin-gucukoglu.com https://sabahattin-gucukoglu.com/cgi-bin/mailman/listinfo/audiogames-reflector
Re: socializing - any tips?
Re: socializing - any tips? I've said for a while now that it doesn't matter if your friends are online or not. For me, I want a connection with someone else's personality, so it doesn't matter whether I talk to him/her over the Internet or in person. I don't need a bunch of friends to be happy, just one or two close people I can fully connect with. Small talk after a certain point irritates me because there's nothing meaningful in the discussion. This is my problem with most people. I'm simply not interested in so many things others are, so finding common ground is really hard. Add the fact that transportation is a major pain in the ass and I don't really want or need to go many places, and you may understand why the Internet is such an incredible resource. I can talk to anyone I want, at any time, from anywhere in the world.As for chat apps, TeamTalk could most certainly be used in the mainstream. Honestly, my two prefered chat applications of choice now are TeamTalk and Zoom. Discord is a mess and from what I can tell is mostly filled with people playing video games that I can't play anyway. URL: https://forum.audiogames.net/post/514097/#p514097 -- Audiogames-reflector mailing list Audiogames-reflector@sabahattin-gucukoglu.com https://sabahattin-gucukoglu.com/cgi-bin/mailman/listinfo/audiogames-reflector
Re: socializing - any tips?
Re: socializing - any tips? @8 In regards to discord, I use it pretty regularly, it definitely is and was in fact for gamers first and foremost but a lot of people use it now, I know a lot of YouTubers that use it and it's a great way to interact with them and others, I personally follow a few musician people that do YouTube as a means to get their shit out there. Now what I really wanna figuer out is a way to use Twitter that isn't a pain in the ass but I can still get all the features and read tweet replies, and it doesn't seem like any twitter clients can do that, and all of these youtubers use Twitter pretty regularly. IG is out of the question for me for obvious reasons. I'm on my computer more than my phone too. URL: https://forum.audiogames.net/post/514100/#p514100 -- Audiogames-reflector mailing list Audiogames-reflector@sabahattin-gucukoglu.com https://sabahattin-gucukoglu.com/cgi-bin/mailman/listinfo/audiogames-reflector
Re: socializing - any tips?
Re: socializing - any tips? I've said for a while now that it doesn't matter if your friends are online or not. For me, I want a connection with someone else's personality, so it doesn't matter whether I talk to him/her over the Internet or in person. I don't need a bunch of friends to be happy, just one or two close people I can fully connect with. Small talk after a certain point irritates me because there's nothing meaningful in the discussion.As for chat apps, TeamTalk could most certainly be used in the mainstream. Honestly, my two prefered chat applications of choice now are TeamTalk and Zoom. Discord is a mess and from what I can tell is mostly filled with people playing video games that I can't play anyway. URL: https://forum.audiogames.net/post/514097/#p514097 -- Audiogames-reflector mailing list Audiogames-reflector@sabahattin-gucukoglu.com https://sabahattin-gucukoglu.com/cgi-bin/mailman/listinfo/audiogames-reflector
Re: socializing - any tips?
Re: socializing - any tips? I am happy to say that at the ripe old age of 19 I have reached the place of cynicism that most older people reach. And I'll say this, I'm really sick of this support group rhetoric that attempts to hide all the truths about how having a disability effects someone socially. That is if you don't completely kiss ass. I'm all for making the best of circumstances, blah blah blah, don't project your insecurities onto others, I don't expect anyone to feel bad for me, but all of that euphemistic language really sets people up for disappointment when they do end up in social situations and wonder why people act weird around them. Which could lead them to do stupid shit for acceptance. Hey look at thatI'm not gonna say everyone is just an ignorant uneducated asshole that will never treat you like the others (at least to a rational degree), people act this way out of ignorance, whether purposefully or they just don't know how to make things less awkward for themselves. But the kind of person I am, I'm not the kind of person that's gonna go out of my way to rub people's backs so to speak, and make them less uncomfortable with me. I'm a goddamn human being, clearly I'm able to maintain myself and walk around campus, I can't be that odd, rite? But it usually takes a few encounters until that awkward shit is over with and you can start talking like regular people do. Some people never seem to relax, though. Which is whatever, life is fucking short and I'm not in high school anymore, would've could've should've, etc, fuck all that. What happens will happen. But I have way more online friends than offline friends, much to my mother's dismay. Add a hearing loss to that and that's yet another reason I really don't bother suckering up to anyone. And as far as "the broads" go, I ran into multiple chicks last semester that would chat me up (one even got me food when I had the fucking flu), and then when I give them my number, they'll either tell me about their s/o later, or in one instance one literally said "we can be friends" as she took down my number, and promptly never said anything to me again. Who the hell says "we can be friends" that isn't in kindergarten? So obviously I don't worry about relationships in the same way that other hopeless romantic types with an acoustic guitar do. They tend to look at the feelings more than what facilitates the feelings, and then wonder why they keep getting disappointed over and over. If I'm compatible with a girl on a personality and sexual level, let's just go from there, no pressure, no dumb shit, no showing out for people on social media for their approval. Older women are great.Oh and as far as the reward thing goes, if you talk to me just so that you look nice to others, you're a cunt. Plane and simple, you're a dickbag, and the best thing you can do is stay away from me. And I'm not talking about little kids here, like children, I mean grown adults, even high schoolers/middle schoolers. I can remember an instance where I was getting lunch with a buddy in 3rd grade and some kid walks up behind me and goes "You're blind, rite?" I say yeah, as opposed to now where I'd probably have some sarcastic response, and he goes "well you're special." I pause for like 2 seconds and go "nah." And just continue the conversation I was having before. I wish I could go back in time and give my younger self a high five for that one. URL: https://forum.audiogames.net/post/514089/#p514089 -- Audiogames-reflector mailing list Audiogames-reflector@sabahattin-gucukoglu.com https://sabahattin-gucukoglu.com/cgi-bin/mailman/listinfo/audiogames-reflector
Re: socializing - any tips?
Re: socializing - any tips? I am happy to say that at the ripe old age of 19 I have reached the place of cynicism that most older people reach. And I'll say this, I'm really sick of this support group rhetoric that attempts to hide all the truths about how having a disability effects someone socially. That is if you don't completely kiss ass. I'm all for making the best of circumstances, blah blah blah, don't project your insecurities onto others, I don't expect anyone to feel bad for me, but all of that euphemistic language really sets people up for disappointment when they do end up in social situations and wonder why people act weird around them. Which could lead them to do stupid shit for acceptance. Hey look at thatI'm not gonna say everyone is just an ignorant uneducated asshole that will never treat you like the others (at least to a rational degree), people act this way out of ignorance, whether purposefully or they just don't know how to make things less awkward for themselves. But the kind of person I am, I'm not the kind of person that's gonna go out of my way to rub people's backs so to speak, and make them less uncomfortable with me. I'm a goddamn human being, clearly I'm able to maintain myself and walk around campus, I can't be that odd, rite? But it usually takes a few encounters until that awkward shit is over with and you can start talking like regular people do. Some people never seem to relax, though. Which is whatever, life is fucking short and I'm not in high school anymore, would've could've should've, etc, fuck all that. What happens will happen. But I have way more online friends than offline friends, much to my mother's dismay. Add a hearing loss to that and that's yet another reason I really don't bother suckering up to anyone. And as far as "the broads" go, I ran into multiple chicks last semester that would chat me up (one even got me food when I had the fucking flu), and then when I give them my number, they'll either tell me about their s/o later, or in one instance one literally said "we can be friends" as she took down my number, and promptly never said anything to me again. Who the hell says "we can be friends" that isn't in kindergarten? So obviously I don't worry about relationships in the same way that other hopeless romantic types with an acoustic guitar do. They tend to look at the feelings more than what facilitates the feelings, and then wonder why they keep getting disappointed over and over. If I'm compatible with a girl on a personality and sexual level, let's just go from there, no pressure, no dumb shit, no showing out for people on social media for their approval. Older women are great. URL: https://forum.audiogames.net/post/514089/#p514089 -- Audiogames-reflector mailing list Audiogames-reflector@sabahattin-gucukoglu.com https://sabahattin-gucukoglu.com/cgi-bin/mailman/listinfo/audiogames-reflector
Re: socializing - any tips?
Re: socializing - any tips? Man, that advice is so backwards at this day and age. In fact, good grades barely get you anywhere. Knowing how to form social connections and networking is where one gets you the $$. And the first introduction to socializing obviously comes from friends. People who focus solely much on academics will be at a severe disadvantage, unless they literally focus their studies at some ultra specialized and understaffed skillset. And even then, the guy or girl who has made friends to expand their options will still have an easier time. It's hard to form social skills as an adult when one was told to discourage such things as a child. My parents were the same way, and I can say it made things harder. Along with college, you have to suddenly learn how to interact with people, and then quickly turn those connections into ways to improve yourself. Most people with healthy social skills just have to figure out how to network, not how to form relationships and friendships. the first major hurtle is to try to integrate yourself with the interests and social topics of your classmates. These students have no knowledge nor interst of topics that are popular with the visually impaired. No one uses Team talk in the sighted world, they use Discord. Most people don't use audio programs too heavily in that age group yet, but discussing books with the right people will be a way to connect with others. You just need to observe what are the topics of interest with the people around you, and try to connect with them through showing interst and contribute to the discussion. Then from there, it gets easier to talk about other stuff. As well, avoid tactics by school administrators to segregate you from the main group of students, especially during lunch time. Do not be forced into a far off table close to exits where no one sits. Pick your own seat and maybe try to get to know people around you to sit with during lunch while in class. It's always awkward meeting new people. Even the most social of butterflies have to consider the best way to interact with people and get a feel for who's around. It just takes practice. And the best time to do this is when young. Take this from someone who wished he wasn't so socially stunted when young, but its never too late. URL: https://forum.audiogames.net/post/514083/#p514083 -- Audiogames-reflector mailing list Audiogames-reflector@sabahattin-gucukoglu.com https://sabahattin-gucukoglu.com/cgi-bin/mailman/listinfo/audiogames-reflector
Re: socializing - any tips?
Re: socializing - any tips? I have no more advice than I've already mentioned ion this topicI will say though, that I am feeling a little smug, since in the land of the corona virus, the one friended man is king! Social isolation? Not being able to go out? Afraid of crowds? Needing to communicate with your few friends at long distance! Welcome to my world, great British public!Funny that here, I'm! the one who's just fine and your! the ones struggling to cope. URL: https://forum.audiogames.net/post/514062/#p514062 -- Audiogames-reflector mailing list Audiogames-reflector@sabahattin-gucukoglu.com https://sabahattin-gucukoglu.com/cgi-bin/mailman/listinfo/audiogames-reflector
Re: socializing - any tips?
Re: socializing - any tips? I have no [euphamism] idea.@turtlepower: my parents had the exact same attitude. Friends are a path to the dark side; good grades are The path to success. In their defense, I've been looking up 80s commercial compilations lately, and their are all kinds of PSAs scattered about to promote things like that. I think someone tried to research how people whose lives were ruined by drugs got into them, found that they mostly got in through friends, and just stopped there and started the campaign against peeer pressure. I'm sure this has nothing to do with 21st century social atomization.The most important thing I've gotten from looking for advice on any life-type problem is that no one has anything helpful to say. There are only platitudes and cliches and feel-good articles full of ads.The closest thing there seems to be to a scientific consensus is that friendships come out of shared experiences. Seems believable, I guess. URL: https://forum.audiogames.net/post/513870/#p513870 -- Audiogames-reflector mailing list Audiogames-reflector@sabahattin-gucukoglu.com https://sabahattin-gucukoglu.com/cgi-bin/mailman/listinfo/audiogames-reflector
Re: socializing - any tips?
Re: socializing - any tips? I'm genuinely sorry that your parents gave you such backwards advice. I can't say I'm surprised, unfortunately, since mine told me that having friends meant nothing, only getting good grades mattered, but damn. Forgive me for saying so, but that response shows a stark lack of empathy. As for teachers rewarding kids for talking to you, I can completely understand how dehumanizing that is, too. The kids only did what they thought would get them a favor later in life, depending on how old you and they are, or, at the very least, they thought it would benefit them in the short term somehow. it's incredibly sad, but, as I said, I've seen it all. It's disheartening to know that such things still happen, though. URL: https://forum.audiogames.net/post/513851/#p513851 -- Audiogames-reflector mailing list Audiogames-reflector@sabahattin-gucukoglu.com https://sabahattin-gucukoglu.com/cgi-bin/mailman/listinfo/audiogames-reflector
Re: socializing - any tips?
Re: socializing - any tips? I feel the same. i'm gonna take a good look at this topic. URL: https://forum.audiogames.net/post/513844/#p513844 -- Audiogames-reflector mailing list Audiogames-reflector@sabahattin-gucukoglu.com https://sabahattin-gucukoglu.com/cgi-bin/mailman/listinfo/audiogames-reflector
socializing - any tips?
socializing - any tips? Hello! Well I'm really struggling at school, because I can't really find anyone. do you have any tips for me that you use as a blind person to get to know others more easily?I asked my parents and they say "ask the teacher aid to help you sit next to someone" and, uh, well, no.Others just say find a friendship group, some say the kids are too shy - one of my old teachers rewarded kids for hanging out with me, utter obsurdity, and to be honest I'm rather fed up with it. So, do you have any tips? Because at this point, I have less than a care in the world about "making friends" and "bonding" because it just never works.I show music to people, teach them about how blind people do things, but then they always run off as soon as an opportunity to play sport or tag or look at those awful "memes" comes around. URL: https://forum.audiogames.net/post/513841/#p513841 -- Audiogames-reflector mailing list Audiogames-reflector@sabahattin-gucukoglu.com https://sabahattin-gucukoglu.com/cgi-bin/mailman/listinfo/audiogames-reflector
Re: Socializing
Re: Socializing @turtlepower17, I feel the frustration, the anger, the pain and the sadness in each and every single one of your words. Once again I find myself asking what it was I was thinking when I decided I should have children just because I could. In the struggle against the desperation that has haunted me I have always felt the answer was to conquer those things that threatened to consume me, not out of any satisfaction of doing so, but rather, to keep myself from being buried alive. Have I been entirely wrong? Was I stupid because I allowed decision and choice to enter into my mind and gave it a foot through my door, resulting in a family I'm thankful for?The answer is beyond me; I am not the end all, be all authority I once wanted to be, dreamed of being, even pretended I could be. I won't begin to tell anyone that I have mastered anything akin to peace and tranquility... I have not. Many of my days are filled with a mental, tumultuous turmoil that would, if I simply sat still long enough with nothing to distract me probably result in me doing things I myself don't approve of and would never want others to do. I try not to entertain any of these things if I can help it; it all gets that much worse when someone tells me I'm wrong, that I'll amount to nothing, that I need to just suck it up, that every decision I ever made in the whole of my life is entirely my fault, so that even in the midst of well meaning people I find no comfort.Why am I saying all of this, you might be asking? It's simple: I'm glad you're doing what I haven't done. You've got me beat in at least one area that I'm aware of; you let your emotions flow freely through your words. Perhaps you feel they sound childish; maybe you go back and read it all and think to yourself that there's nothing to be gained by what you're writing. The fact is that the more writing of this caliber people see the more encouraged they are to come forward and relate their own fears, anxieties, tragedies, concerns, worries, regrets, upsets and downfalls.For all the motivational, persuasive and kind writing I've attempted across this forum and elsewhere I will never be able to match the rawness of your humanity, because sometimes, I feel like mine would somehow be too much, even if I could somehow convince myself that such a statement is absolutely nonsensical. Maybe it's pride? I really don't know anymore. I thought I had dealt with that demon a long time ago, and then I realized how wrong I was when I found myself joking with an older woman who took me seriously who I felt had no right to be hurt by my humor. Today I just want to give up, but the tenacity that raised me, that made me into who I am will not allow me to let go. It doesn't award me any feeling of superiority anymore though, as once it did. It simply gives me just one more reason among many to stride forward in a life where I know not what happens next.Should you feel discouraged in future, remember simply that you allowed me to step back and take a look at myself once again, then proceed to share a bit of it out here, uncut and unedited. It's not enough; it's nowhere near enough, but somewhere along the line I gave up caring about the woes of my own humanity to try and help others with theirs. I don't know how often I've succeeded; I don't know how often I've failed. I don't know if I've truly given anyone pause to think or how many people laugh at me. I don't know if or when I'll find out, if I'm meant to, or if I should even want to. What I do know is this; for every great emotion I've felt, every joyous moment I've experienced, every wonderful chapter I've lived through and all the brilliant pages contained within, for every contagious bit of laughter I've heard that has tickled my very soul, for every life long lesson I've learned that has brought me no end of wisdom or any ounce of happiness I've managed to possess, I know I simply want to pass it on. I can't always flash forth the smile that will break the vicious chain of frowns, can't always put forth the one word that will disintigrate the web of horrid insults, will not ever promise to do it anywhere near perfectly, and cannot ever truly strike away the pain others feel.But as paradoxical as it sounds, I'm going to keep on going and keeping on, because there's enough hate in this world and it's easy enough to allow one's self to be submerged by it. So yes, on top of giving me cause to reveal a bit of who I am inside, your words gave me a sharp reminder of why it is people require love, kindness, compassion, sympathy, respect, courtesy, charity, generosity, and every other virtuous quality I am privileged to exercise. If you take away nothing else from all of this, do remember that if you should ever choose not to reread your own writing later on down the road, I'll reread it, and I'll remember. I'll remember and I'll wish, and I'll hope and I'll pray that, wherever you are, wherever you're
Re: Socializing
Re: Socializing I bought myself a phone in my senior year. I also had the run of the net because it was, well, not new exactly, but less people knew anything about it. I made it my playground, and my parents didn't know anything about it really. I got online at the age of 12 on a dial-up connection. URL: https://forum.audiogames.net/post/433020/#p433020 -- Audiogames-reflector mailing list Audiogames-reflector@sabahattin-gucukoglu.com https://sabahattin-gucukoglu.com/cgi-bin/mailman/listinfo/audiogames-reflector
Re: Socializing
Re: Socializing Yeah, I remember when chat rooms came into existence. I never got into the AOL ones, but I did try my hand at Accessible Chat back when that was still a thing. My dad walked in on me interacting with that one night, and you'd think he caught me viewing child porn or something. I was grounded for at least a month. Granted, I was 12, and some of the stuff people were saying was somewhat inappropriate, but to this day, whenever someone comes near my computer, I reflexively minimize whatever it is that I'm doing so that they don't see it, no matter how innocent the thing is. I don't exactly regret this, however, because it's made me a lot more wary of things like social media than most people of my generation. Like, I don't think it's OK that my niece was allowed to use an IPad starting from the time she was 2, thank you very much, and it sickens me that most kids of school age are waving around the latest generation of smartphones like they're the holy fucking grail. The only reason I got a cell phone in high school, and I stress that this phone was nothing to write home about, considering it wasn't even a flip phone, just one of those old flat Nokias with no accessibility features to speak of, was because I went to live at the school for the blind I went to, and my parents wanted a way to keep in contact with me which wouldn't incur long distance charges. That was in 2005. There is absolutely no doubt in my mind that, had it not been for that circumstance, I wouldn't have been allowed to have a cell phone during my high school years. If I ever had a kid, and keep in mind that this is purely hypothetical since I never plan to, and want to take permanent measures to make sure that can't happen if I ever get into a serious relationship again, I wouldn't allow them to have a cell phone until high school, and even then, I'd tell them they would have a flip phone, if they still existed at that time. This is one of many reasons why I would be a terrible parent, because I'm selfish, and believe that I was bullied because of things I couldn't control, i.e. my lack of sight, and if they're going to get made fun of because they don't have the latest and greatest phone, well, I'm sorry, but I have zero sympathy for that. The truth is, though, that what would really happen is that little Johnny would come home crying because he didn't have the latest $2000 Iphone, and I would have to seriously restrain my rage so that I didn't go after the kids responsible and beat them into submission. Not because I really think Johnny should have the latest Iphone, but because I never got closure for incidents that happened in my childhood, and recalling them floods me with so much anger that I can't think straight a lot of the time. Protecting my child would be dangerous, in other words, and I know better than to ever put myself, or anyone involved, in such a situation. Luckily for me, and any future bullies or assholes, there's only one person in this world who I view as the love of my life, and ever since he decided to move onto what he considers better things, I've never once considered being with someone else, so it's probably a moot point. URL: https://forum.audiogames.net/post/433012/#p433012 -- Audiogames-reflector mailing list Audiogames-reflector@sabahattin-gucukoglu.com https://sabahattin-gucukoglu.com/cgi-bin/mailman/listinfo/audiogames-reflector
Re: Socializing
Re: Socializing Yeah, I remember when chat rooms came into existence. I never got into the AOL ones, but I did try my hand at Accessible Chat back when that was still a thing. My dad walked in on me interacting with that one night, and you'd think he caught me viewing child porn or something. I was grounded for at least a month. Granted, I was 12, and some of the stuff people were saying was somewhat inappropriate, but to this day, whenever someone comes near my computer, I reflexively minimize whatever it is that I'm doing so that they don't see it, no matter how innocent the thing is. I don't exactly regret this, however, because it's made me a lot more wary of things like social media than most people of my generation. Like, I don't think it's OK that my niece was allowed to use an IPad starting from the time she was 2, thank you very much, and it sickens me that most kids of school age are waving around the latest generation of smartphones like they're the holy fucking grail. The only reason I got a cell phone in high school, and I stress that this phone was nothing to write home about, considering it wasn't even a flip phone, just one of those old flat Nokias with no accessibility features to speak of, was because I went to live at the school for the blind I went to, and my parents wanted a way to keep in contact with me which wouldn't incur long distance charges. That was in 2005. There is absolutely no doubt in my mind that, had it not been for that circumstance, I wouldn't have been allowed to have a cell phone during my high school years. If I ever had a kid, and keep in mind that this is purely hypothetical since I never plan to, and want to take permanent measures to make sure that can't happen if I ever get into a serious relationship again, I wouldn't allow them to have a cell phone until high school, and even then, I'd tell them they would have a flip phone, if they still existed at that time. This is one of many reasons why I would be a terrible parent, because I'm selfish, and believe that I was bullied because of things I couldn't control, i.e. my lack of sight, and if they're going to get made fun of because they don't have the latest and greatest phone, well, I'm sorry, but I have zero sympathy for that. The truth is, though, that what would really happen is that little Johnny would come home crying because he didn't have the latest $2000 Iphone, and I would have to seriously restrain my rage so that I didn't go after the kids responsible and beat them into submission. Not because I really think Johnny should have the latest Iphone, but because I never got closure for incidents that happened in my childhood, and thinking of them floods me with so much anger that I can't think straight a lot of the time. Protecting my child would be dangerous, in other words, and I know better than to ever put myself, or anyone involved, in such a situation. Luckily for me, and any future bullies or assholes, there's only one person in this world who I view as the love of my life, and ever since he decided to move onto what he considers better things, I've never once considered being with someone else, so it's probably a moot point. URL: https://forum.audiogames.net/post/433012/#p433012 -- Audiogames-reflector mailing list Audiogames-reflector@sabahattin-gucukoglu.com https://sabahattin-gucukoglu.com/cgi-bin/mailman/listinfo/audiogames-reflector
Re: Socializing
Re: Socializing The same thing happened, and still happens, to me. I really have the same question as you, 1. URL: https://forum.audiogames.net/post/432951/#p432951 -- Audiogames-reflector mailing list Audiogames-reflector@sabahattin-gucukoglu.com https://sabahattin-gucukoglu.com/cgi-bin/mailman/listinfo/audiogames-reflector
Re: Socializing
Re: Socializing I believe it was around 2004 or there abouts that I felt a shift when it came to talking to people. All of a sudden everyone was getting a cellphone, even teens my age I was certain shouldn't have one. I actually didn't get my own mobile device until I was about 19, but I did pay for my own personal home phone because I had the money to aford it.And what a difference it made in general! I heard stories of how the cops were showing up at homes where the teen had called in because mommy or daddy was threatening to take the phone away. I'm not going to say that parents always have their children's best interests at heart, but to see cops siding with the teens more often than not and saying the parent had no right to take the phone away from them was something of an absurdity to me, particularly when the parent was paying the bill.Chatlines became regular hangout spots for teens across the globe; those that weren't chatting via phone were grabbing up AOL Instant Messenger, participating on message boards and entering chatrooms where all of a sudden they were in constant contact with people twice their age. It was then that I knew that all of the "I know what you are but what am I" stuff in pre-school had been nothing in comparison to what I was seeing taking place. The scary part about it was that for the most part, everyone felt alright with flinging insults at one another because annonimity. I can't promise you this, but it wouldn't surprise me to discover that some of the very people who were participating in the childish banter were AOL admins themselves.Today, all of this crap is commonplace, so much so that even politicians are engaging in it. The thing most of us don't want is the actual upset. You need to break up with your boyfriend or girlfriend? Send a text! Need to cancel a date? Forget making a call! Know your parents are mad at you? Hit ignore when the phone rings! If someone doesn't answer your calls, they'll more than likely reply to your texts!And for the record I'm not some crazy old cojer saying texts are the spawn of Satan. I believe in texts! I believe in tech in general! Texts have the added benefit of helping you remember a conversation precisely as is rather than your having to seriously jog your memory for details you may or may not recall correctly anyway.But if there's anything I've learned about reading texts over talking to people, it's that when I'm at the mercy of a buntch of letters on a computer or smartphone screen I can't always give proper connotation and mood to what the person on the other end is saying. I can try to imagine it, but depending on the conversation, the end result might be really really bad, and it might be made even worse by the speech synthesis I have at my disposal. You would think that someone like me would feel better about texting than calling, as I do have a hearing impairment. You would think I would appreciate the comfort of not having to ask someone to repeat themselves over and over again when I can't understand whatever it is they're saying. ON these and other counts you would be entirely wrong, because I still can't always gage emotion correctly from what you're typing, and I'll never trust any AI engine that tells me it will be able to interpret that data for me. Please don't even make that suggestion! I'll talk to my computer the day I want such a thing to happen and will just drop people out of the equation! :d URL: https://forum.audiogames.net/post/432938/#p432938 -- Audiogames-reflector mailing list Audiogames-reflector@sabahattin-gucukoglu.com https://sabahattin-gucukoglu.com/cgi-bin/mailman/listinfo/audiogames-reflector
Re: Socializing
Re: Socializing Oh yeah I'm never getting hired based off the shit I posted on Twitter but I knew it was gonna be that way.Well I'm good with helping people with their shit, whether it is giving advice, or letting them vent at me or just talk and I'll listen. I'm fine with that, but I'm not really good at putting out that vibe like you can talk to me and stuff, so people tend to not do that, well some do but yeah. URL: https://forum.audiogames.net/post/432930/#p432930 -- Audiogames-reflector mailing list Audiogames-reflector@sabahattin-gucukoglu.com https://sabahattin-gucukoglu.com/cgi-bin/mailman/listinfo/audiogames-reflector
Re: Socializing
Re: Socializing I used to like the attention of the number of likes, and that was just recently. Like, within the last month recently. It wasn't until I sat down and reflected on what it is I have done leading up to this point (attending school, getting an internship, thinking of where I'm heading in the near future) that I realized the BS of accumulating social media connections and likes on my posts. Why should I care if people know I got an internship at Deloitte? Why should people know if I heard back from Amazon about a position? I want the people I love and cherish to hear about this news, not people who I couldn't care less about on Facebook.I decided just this past week that social media isn't doing me much good. The stupid attention I was getting was just that, stupid attention. What means more to me: sharing and rejoicing in my life's endeavors with my dear friends and family, or receiving a bunch of likes on Facebook from people who I might not have spoken to in years? URL: https://forum.audiogames.net/post/432928/#p432928 -- Audiogames-reflector mailing list Audiogames-reflector@sabahattin-gucukoglu.com https://sabahattin-gucukoglu.com/cgi-bin/mailman/listinfo/audiogames-reflector
Re: Socializing
Re: Socializing I'm the same way too. I usually don't initiate contact because I don't want to come on too strong or seem needy. Nowadays, with all this talk of boundaries being all the rage, it seems to me that you have to be extremely careful how you come across to others because they might label you an energy vampire, or whatever other bullshit term people use these days to describe getting out of doing so-called emotional labor. I feel like that could be a whole other topic in itself, though.As for social media, I gave up my Facebook years ago and never looked back. I never had a personal Twitter, Instagram, or any other big name social media account. The only Twitter page that could be connected to me was the podcast's page that I used to help run. The point is, especially with employers taking such pleasure in digging through people's online lives nowadays, you have to be so, so careful of everything you say. I feel that, if my blindness is already a strike against me in the eyes of the average hiring manager, I don't want to accidentally tip the scales with a mundane comment with a swear word or whatever that might be on my timeline, or have something I say twisted out of context because the internet is forever. I also have no use for collecting likes, shares, or friends. Having thousands of these electronic boosters will never feel good to me, not when compared to the feeling of being loved exactly for who I am, or a good laugh and drinks with a friend, or just the quiet presence of someone being there for me not because they feel they must, but because they want to. In general, there's an emptiness about it. So this person you've only spoken to in a DM, who you only know by their handle, likes your posts? Big friggin whoop, it's just a number, at least that's how I see it. In fact, a lot of the digital trends nowadays are, in my opinion, just as bad as the boring small talk we all have to engage in. URL: https://forum.audiogames.net/post/432921/#p432921 -- Audiogames-reflector mailing list Audiogames-reflector@sabahattin-gucukoglu.com https://sabahattin-gucukoglu.com/cgi-bin/mailman/listinfo/audiogames-reflector
Re: Socializing
Re: Socializing I am like that, if you want to talk to me, you have to initiate it, I don't call/text anyone first, or in social situations, don't talk to people unless they talk to me first. URL: https://forum.audiogames.net/post/432899/#p432899 -- Audiogames-reflector mailing list Audiogames-reflector@sabahattin-gucukoglu.com https://sabahattin-gucukoglu.com/cgi-bin/mailman/listinfo/audiogames-reflector
Re: Socializing
Re: Socializing I can't say that I truly struggle with socializing with others when the time comes. Honestly, I get along with most people. It's the depth of those interactions that troubles me. Sure, I have my moments where I don't know what to say next, either because the person isn't all that interesting or giving anything back, or maybe my brain just isn't functioning, albeit that happens far more often than I'd like to admit.An insecurity that I think most people deal with is not reaching out to others they'd like to be closer to. I don't usually text people first because I think I'm bothering them. I never call them unless I really need something from them...But here's the thing, when a group of people are like that, nobody can expect to be close with anyone else. Nobody takes the first step because, well, nobody wants to!I had about a 40-minute phone call with one of my future roommates. It initially was supposed to be about apartment things, but it quickly transformed into a conversation about our CS courses we took and/or are taking. Just talking about life and how things are going was very refreshing. I didn't think I'd have that kind of conversation with him, especially when the phone call was supposed to take just a few minutes, at least, that's what I thought.Isn't it crazy, though, that although we have all these different platforms to communicate with one another, that the world is seemingly more disconnected than it ever was before? Netflix's Birdbox touches on this point. Technology is somewhat to blame, or at least parts of it. Snapchat, Instagram, all of these social media platforms whose usage preaches the "send your friend a picture in seconds" mantra has a serious effect on the way its users interacts with others. We've been on the fast track towards quick and easy communication, which I feel is where we sacrifice quality. URL: https://forum.audiogames.net/post/432894/#p432894 -- Audiogames-reflector mailing list Audiogames-reflector@sabahattin-gucukoglu.com https://sabahattin-gucukoglu.com/cgi-bin/mailman/listinfo/audiogames-reflector
Re: Socializing
Re: Socializing Nah, me neither. Social conditioning is a bitch, isn't it?I'm reminded of a time when I called a company to cancel an account with them. The customer service rep I spoke to asked me how I was doing. Without thinking at all, I said, "good, how about yourself?" as I usually do. he was somewhat taken aback, and told me that people rarely ask that when he's doing his job, even though he asked that of everyone. I told him it was just good manners, he kind of laughed and said, "you'd be surprised how many people don't have manners nowadays." I could tell that by using that one preprogrammed response, I had made his day. I can see why, customer service is a job I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy, but even though that happened several years ago, I still don't like the fact that we rely so heavily on that particular way of starting conversations. URL: https://forum.audiogames.net/post/432885/#p432885 -- Audiogames-reflector mailing list Audiogames-reflector@sabahattin-gucukoglu.com https://sabahattin-gucukoglu.com/cgi-bin/mailman/listinfo/audiogames-reflector
Re: Socializing
Re: Socializing I don't know if I'd be ball-zy enough to respond with that, lol. URL: https://forum.audiogames.net/post/432880/#p432880 -- Audiogames-reflector mailing list Audiogames-reflector@sabahattin-gucukoglu.com https://sabahattin-gucukoglu.com/cgi-bin/mailman/listinfo/audiogames-reflector
Re: Socializing
Re: Socializing When people ask me that, I usually respond with something like, "Are you sure you want to know that?" URL: https://forum.audiogames.net/post/432854/#p432854 -- Audiogames-reflector mailing list Audiogames-reflector@sabahattin-gucukoglu.com https://sabahattin-gucukoglu.com/cgi-bin/mailman/listinfo/audiogames-reflector
Re: Socializing
Re: Socializing The last two posts make a lot of sense to me. I agree that the majority of people don't actually want to know how you're doing, it's just a pleasantry, an icebreaker, if you will. It's only asked out of politeness, and I think most people just ask it on autopilot, similar to the "what do you do?" question. Hmmm, thinking about it that way actually makes me feel both better and worse about the latter. If people really wanted to know how you are, the expected response wouldn't be "I'm fine, and you?" or some variant. I guess that's why, if you deviate from that, like saying you don't have a job, it doesn't compute, they don't know how to respond anymore, just like if you said your day was shitty, thanks, that wouldn't go over well either. URL: https://forum.audiogames.net/post/432852/#p432852 -- Audiogames-reflector mailing list Audiogames-reflector@sabahattin-gucukoglu.com https://sabahattin-gucukoglu.com/cgi-bin/mailman/listinfo/audiogames-reflector
Re: Socializing
Re: Socializing There's this unspoken convention to socializing with others, especially with those you've just met."Hello." "Hi." "How are you?" "I'm doing quite well, and yourself?" "Not too bad, just exhausted from classes." "I hear that."This is how 90% of conversations start for me. (Have I mentioned the fact I'm a student enough on the forum yet?). It usually starts out this way because it's expected that you ask how somebody is doing regardless if you genuinely have an interest in the state of their well-being. Therein lies the heart of cosmetic human interaction. We do and say things out of expectation rather than an intrinsic care for one another. This speaks to the general and not the exception, though. Conversations that do start out this way feel more, for lack of a better word, real when it's with friends. That obviously makes sense -- we care about our friends. I wonder, though, if societal standards didn't exist (if that could be possible), how people would engage in dialog. how many people would ask how others are doing, what's new in their lives, etc? Similar to Nocturnus, I often wonder if people truly want to know about my day or my life, or if they ask out of obligation. I've been rather jaded for the better part of my young adult life about how humans behave around one another, and I can't help but feel that's something out of my control. Always wondering about people's intentions, my "friendships" with others, so on and so forth. I feel as if I'm on edge almost all the time, and that's not a healthy way to live my life.Am I truly "friends" with some of the people who I guess I would consider "friends?" What makes someone a "friend?" We exhaust ourselves by overanalyzing these words (well, I do...), and it all becomes circular. I don't know why this is so complicated for me.I went on a Facebook friends purge the other day, and I removed just about 850 people. All of those who I've met over the years were accumulated into one giant list that topped around 1,265 people. It included people from high school, my old college, different programs I attended, just different experiences in which I met people and friended them or they friended me, because, well, why not? A more modern-day social norm is connecting on social media, and I think I reached a serious breaking point, which is why I removed all of the people who I haven't talked to in so long, don't care about, or just plain don't even know. Despite all of that, I still feel like I regrettably cut strings with some people who didn't quite fit those categories. "Hmmm, well maybe I would reach out to them in the future, or maybe they do follow my posts on here..."I have such a ping-pong way of thinking through these things, and I'm sure this won't make a whole lot of sense, but I've never really vented about this externally. URL: https://forum.audiogames.net/post/432846/#p432846 -- Audiogames-reflector mailing list Audiogames-reflector@sabahattin-gucukoglu.com https://sabahattin-gucukoglu.com/cgi-bin/mailman/listinfo/audiogames-reflector
Re: Socializing
Re: Socializing @turtlepower17, you may never believe me, but I'm on your side. While I may come across as someone who easily engages people or has learned the ropes concerning socializing... I don't know... I do know that I'm not. I find most people feel fake and flaky to me. The worst question you can ask me is, "How are you doing?" In my mind, the first thing that I want to say once I hear that question is, "Do you really want to know?"I find that most people want to hear the word fine; they don't really want to hear about your problems. It's what I tend to think of as small talk, an exchange of pleasantries that goes no further than communicating something that'll help others feel good about themselves because they go away with the idea that they paid you some sort of attention when they could have just as easily walked past you on the street, in the hallway or anywhere else. Half the time I feel I've personally escaped human comprehension, while the other half I'm wondering if I've ever been understood by anyone at all at any point in my life and try to count those situations in which I feel like I did, then try to remember those situations for what they were and not what I simply perceived them to be.Parties? My worst nightmare. Who ever heard of a person who was invited to someone's house for a social gathering who was asked, "Did you like such and such food and drink?" Then had the questioned reply, "Absolutely not, that was the most disgusting burger and fries I ever had!" No no, you don't do that in public, no matter how much honesty may be the best policy. You lie! You lie through your teeth! That's the norm! It doesn't matter if you know the casserole you're eating tonight at so-and-so's house is store bought; you don't shout out for everyone else to hear that you could have just as easily gone to the local grocery store to get the same thing, even if you are thinking it.Then again, in my mind I may be missing the point of this topic entirely, so I think I'll leave it hear and see what comes of my writing my thoughts as they are at present. URL: https://forum.audiogames.net/post/432842/#p432842 -- Audiogames-reflector mailing list Audiogames-reflector@sabahattin-gucukoglu.com https://sabahattin-gucukoglu.com/cgi-bin/mailman/listinfo/audiogames-reflector
Re: Socializing
Re: Socializing Hello.I agree with everything people have said above.I guess I've wanted to make friends but the things people talk about are boring and I have no idea where to begin.Small talk is boring, and I'm not one for clubs and things like that.I've not exactly given up on making local friends, but don't have any hopes of doing so.I've checked out vorail and while I've met some nice people on there, the people are from the other parts of the world.I'm going to meet a close friend of mine in America soon and perhaps another person I met on vorail, I'm unsure about that. I'm excited to meet my close friend but sad also, sad because she lives in America and I live in London.My uncle had a friend over today and part of me is honestly sad, it doesn't help she's female.But... Her laugh, god, it's so fake!It could be nerves but I dunno, it just seams over the top.So yeah, socializing sucks. URL: https://forum.audiogames.net/post/432782/#p432782 -- Audiogames-reflector mailing list Audiogames-reflector@sabahattin-gucukoglu.com https://sabahattin-gucukoglu.com/cgi-bin/mailman/listinfo/audiogames-reflector
Re: Socializing
Re: Socializing Sorry I was bubbling on and my phone will not let me continue in the post above.My points was what I have come to realise is people shouldn't be afraid to socialise online as you will end up spending more time talking to people in general online then you will be in real life it's just the way the world is going.It is funny I talk to my online friends more than I do my real life friends in general and it is the same for them.Socialising online is a good way to pick up life's cultural skills if you are fortunately not able to do it in real life. but I have found funny so far is that it is more difficult trying to integrate yourself and socialize with your peers that are visually impaired then it is to start a conversation with a non visually impaired person.From the posts in this topic I have come to the conclusion that I was fortunate in the way I grew up of being a social person in general which people tend to levitate towards my calm aura which I was recently informed about lol.The benefits of socializing and making online friends are that if I ever want to break out of my fortress of solitude I can just send them a message and go visit them wherever they are in the world. URL: https://forum.audiogames.net/post/432621/#p432621 -- Audiogames-reflector mailing list Audiogames-reflector@sabahattin-gucukoglu.com https://sabahattin-gucukoglu.com/cgi-bin/mailman/listinfo/audiogames-reflector
Re: Socializing
Re: Socializing I can totally relate with what everybody is saying above in this topic, most people in the world go through the same thing visually impaired disabled or regular folk.Since I lost my site it has been the opposite as everybody wants to talk to the mixed-race blind giants.when I had the vision I had no issues with this as I was The big friendly giant and very popular. Now things I used to brush off are starting to get irritating like people not knowing what personal space are and repeating the same questions like how tall are you and jokes in that nature.I used to be the social hub which connected most of my friends on a daily basis, where we would decide what to do for that day or week socialise game party or play some type of sports.the more I lost my sights the less sociable I got it seemed which a lot of people picked up on. I don't blame my friends for continuing on with their lives as everybody has their own problems and have their own path in life.Fortunately I was always a gamer and tend to always have games consoles around which led me to start playing them war as I was not able to go outside by myself anymore. Which opened me up to a whole new world they call online socialising. I think this happened at the right point of my life as it woke me back up and got me distracted from problems we come across in life as visually impaired people.It seems my social popularity carried across online and was brilliant for the moments but as always unfortunately everything has to come to a end. my vision was deteriorating over the years to the point now where I have none Unfortunatly once again I could no longer be the social hub of my online friends. URL: https://forum.audiogames.net/post/432615/#p432615 -- Audiogames-reflector mailing list Audiogames-reflector@sabahattin-gucukoglu.com https://sabahattin-gucukoglu.com/cgi-bin/mailman/listinfo/audiogames-reflector
Re: Socializing
Re: Socializing There are times when I really want to be in a serious relationship, but I see the problems that they cause in other people's lives, and I'm like hell no. It scares me to death, because I'd put all I have into it, and if the other person is not as committed, or ends up fucking me over, I don't really think I'd survive that.There is also the fact that I'm really not a good person. It would take the right kind of person to be able to deal with me, and I'd have to be 100% invested in the relationship to be able to change for them. I do think that finding the right someone could be good for me, may calm me down a bit, etc. I basically would want someone who would inspire me to be a better person without having to do anything, just being there. URL: https://forum.audiogames.net/post/432577/#p432577 -- Audiogames-reflector mailing list Audiogames-reflector@sabahattin-gucukoglu.com https://sabahattin-gucukoglu.com/cgi-bin/mailman/listinfo/audiogames-reflector
Re: Socializing
Re: Socializing What I find interesting in my own life is that it's usually easier for people to want to reach out to me. That's true predominantly in the blind community. I've been around different platforms, including Vorail, and, for some reason, was deemed to have a, shall we say, not so ugly voice. People reached out constantly, wanting to be friends, pretending to be friends, and it was rather annoying. I found my "true" friends rather quickly and left the scraps to the depths of my inbox.My approach is that I'd prefer to have 2-3 fantastic friends than 5-7 mediocre ones. My mom always said, "If you can have at least one true best friend, you're doing well for yourself." I find that I do, and that's something I've come to appreciate, but the other side to this is that humans are far more complex than needing only one "true best friend." What if I want to go out and meet new people to have the experience of doing so? What if that "one true best friend" isn't a Marvel fan like I am? Some of these one-liner pieces of advice horrifically oversimplify the wants and needs of being a human.I hear where you're coming from when it comes to just ignoring the messages. Some people wouldn't know how to hold a conversation if you put it right in the palms of their hands. That's something you can or can't do, as are a lot of social skills. I don't do the boring exchange of messages, even if it lasts for but a few minutes. I want to talk about more than my favorite foods, books, sports, etc, although I am currently in a group chat dedicated to talking about nothing but Marvel-related things. I suppose that's not too crazy since a lot of people absolutely love Marvel, but it's an outlet for me in a particular way that I wouldn't be able to indulge otherwise. I sought out several music-related opportunities at my university, and currently sing in two a capella groups. That gives me my musical outlet, and even outside of rehearsals, a lot of the other members are great friends of mine. I've had my fair share of getting drunk with them and having rip-snortin' good times.This also is a matter of where I am in the world. I'm at a university where there is diversity, and people are generally accepting of others' differences. Not everybody gets that luxury, so socialization isn't just pure skill, if you want to call it that.Just reading your posts on here, I don't have a doubt in my own mind that you can hold a conversation or articulate your thoughts well. I think that sits well with others, but it may go over a lot of peoples heads (not people on the forum, but in general). URL: https://forum.audiogames.net/post/432553/#p432553 -- Audiogames-reflector mailing list Audiogames-reflector@sabahattin-gucukoglu.com https://sabahattin-gucukoglu.com/cgi-bin/mailman/listinfo/audiogames-reflector
Re: Socializing
Re: Socializing I completely agree with the original post. I've found that I simply don't care about most people. They're either assholes, have nothing interesting to say, or don't like anything I do. I'm not interested in going to bars, night clubs, bowling, watching sports, specific clubs, etc, etc, etc. The problem with clubs is that they're focused on something specific, and I may not want to do activity X every Monday at 5:00 PM.I'm perfectly happy talking to a few people I consider actual friends. Are there times I get lonely or sad? Absolutely! As far as I can tell, it's all part of being human. However, there's a big difference I think between that and constantly seeking social attention. I do not fall into the latter category.I used to think there was something wrong with me, but I'm starting not to care. If the rest of the world wants to always be the social butterfly at raucous parties, go right ahead! Don't drag me into something like that when I'd much rather be at home reading a book, researching a topic of interest, talking one on one with someone, etc.As for friendships on the Internet, I don't know. Most people I talk to come from various parts of the country. I only have one local friend, but I spend most of the time talking to him over the Internet. Aside from the "cool factor" of being able to talk to anyone for free from anywhere in the world, I find it boosts my confidence. Maybe it's because I know I'm being listened to. I can also let my true personality shine immediately. It's probably also due to the fact that it's very easy to walk away from people that don't interest me. All I have to do is stop the conversation and move on. URL: https://forum.audiogames.net/post/432533/#p432533 -- Audiogames-reflector mailing list Audiogames-reflector@sabahattin-gucukoglu.com https://sabahattin-gucukoglu.com/cgi-bin/mailman/listinfo/audiogames-reflector
Re: Socializing
Re: Socializing Thanks, guys. to be honest, I don't see it as being that much of a blindness issue either. The only reason I brought up my experiences with bullying was because I think it changed how I form relationships, and makes me more suspicious of others, but that could just as easily happen to a sighted person.I didn't think this was all that common, particularly the bit about starting to get to know someone, deciding that I just didn't feel a spark there, and proceeding to ignore their ways of reaching out to me. I usually do this with budding online friendships, since I don't get many chances to try and make friends in real life, and also it feels more low stakes. The fact is, I still feel guilty about doing it, though. If someone does something egregious, I block them, that's not what I'm talking about here, but sometimes when people send me Skype messages or whatever, I just don't respond until they take the hint, even though there's nothing wrong with them as people. It just takes too much energy to maintain a connection that isn't there, at least not from my side. I envy those who have an easier time of this, or at least have the charisma to pull off faking it. It's true, charisma is something you either have or you don't.I realize, though, that I'm being hypocritical in a way. What if the other person feels that connection, but I don't? That has to suck for them, reaching out to me in hopes of keeping that spark alive, but getting nothing back. I've actually experienced that before. I met someone a few years back who I felt this amazing chemistry with. We hit it off so well, or at least I thought so. Over the span of a few months, it was like that connection had never existed, and that sucked for me, but if you're the one making all the effort to initiate contact and the other person doesn't reciprocate, it isn't worth it to keep trying after awhile, not unless you want to be known as clingy and annoying.The only place where I think blindness does factor in here is when you try to have a conversation with an average person. Blind people don't tend to ask what you do, since unemployment is assumed rather than valued. That's sad but true, and I don't think the vast majority of sighted people ask that question out of malice, either, but it does make me extremely uncomfortable. As for other common small talk topics, it depends on how it goes. For example, I could talk to someone about music very enthusiastically if we have the same tastes, or even if they seem passionate about it themselves. Same with a TV show, or a hobby, almost anything really, as long as that other person is putting themselves out there. I mean, is it just me, or do a lot of people claim they love something and just leave it at that? Or they tell you one tiny aspect, usually the most boring detail about the thing, and then change the subject back to something super mundane? That bugs the crap out of me. If you love something, then tell me why, get me excited about it too. That's the only way that spark has a chance of existing. Even so, it really is a matter of natural chemistry in a lot of cases, at least I think so. URL: https://forum.audiogames.net/post/432498/#p432498 -- Audiogames-reflector mailing list Audiogames-reflector@sabahattin-gucukoglu.com https://sabahattin-gucukoglu.com/cgi-bin/mailman/listinfo/audiogames-reflector
Re: Socializing
Re: Socializing I gave up trying to be sociable years ago. It always felt like I was a dog trying to walk on its hind legs. URL: https://forum.audiogames.net/post/432494/#p432494 -- Audiogames-reflector mailing list Audiogames-reflector@sabahattin-gucukoglu.com https://sabahattin-gucukoglu.com/cgi-bin/mailman/listinfo/audiogames-reflector
Re: Socializing
Re: Socializing Hmm. Well speaking only from my own experience, I have always been a musical geek, sometimes to nearly the utter extreme. Doing things normal kids did was never in my plans when I was a kid. While I think a lot of the people around me tried to give me space and freedom, they didn't really understand me, and very often didn't have patience for my reduced emotional intelligence. As I grew up, I was always paranoid because it seemed someone was always looking over my shoulder, and if I did something wrong, I'd be scolded for it before having any time to understand what was so wrong about what I had done. Thankfully, I don't think my blindness had much to do with this. I also wasn't ridiculed or picked on because of my blindness either. Being blind has led to a few awkward encounters, but nothing horrendous. I feel really bad for those who had to endure what they did, because even though I didn't have to endure it, I still have trust issues today. Not because I'm blind necessarily (though that could be part of it), but because I wasn't understood very well and it seemed when people weren't ignoring me or overwhelmed by my weirdness, they were scolding me for it. I understand now that it wasn't their fault; I did some pretty stupid, embarrassing stuff and I was just really hard to identify with, but nevertheless I am always afraid of offending or overwhelming people even now, and I am rarely able to stand up for myself in a time of conflict without feeling guilty or wrong for it. I often feel naive and insignificant. For this reason, as well as just being a natural introvert, I really do feel better alone. I love having a few close friends, and in fact I tried too hard to seek them out when I was a kid, but I'd rather be alone than have a few shallow friendships. Sometimes I yearn for company, but only from close friends. I'd never go out on the street and talk to random people. I wouldn't even know what to say lolSometimes I wonder what would have to change in order for me to be less awkward/more extrovert. Actually come to think of it, I could stem this whole thing back to being born premature. I know it caused my blindness, and I believe, to an extent, that it caused my brain to develop slightly weirdly and this resulted in something like mild Aspergers, which definitely messes with aptitudes for socialization. A lot of the socialization skills I have now are a result of me imitating other people, or learning that remark A leads to good result B. I've heard that a lot of people with Aspergers resort to this kind of strategy, but I am so good at it now that I'm not even sure what's a natural or a learned response for me anymore, and when I am socially overloaded or otherwise overstimulated, this confusion about my natural/learned behaviors is enough to top it all off and make me want to be alone for a while. I sometimes wonder if I had been born at my normal time, if I would be telling a very different story. But I digress.I'm certainly not as weird as some of the people I know, though I am finding it increasingly easy to identify with quirky people and feeling comfortable around them, which is something I didn't think I'd ever do. So to sum up, I'm just a weird individual, and so when you catch me socializing, it's either because i'm being polite, or I'm talking to another reclusive nerd lol URL: https://forum.audiogames.net/post/432488/#p432488 -- Audiogames-reflector mailing list Audiogames-reflector@sabahattin-gucukoglu.com https://sabahattin-gucukoglu.com/cgi-bin/mailman/listinfo/audiogames-reflector
Re: Socializing
Re: Socializing If I'm being honest, I feel like a lot of people feel this way to some extent. You can't be compatible with absolutely everybody, and maybe the way you interact with others just isn't sitting well with those around you. Socializing and building a reputation for yourself seems to be this kind of magic. You either can do it, or you can't. Charisma isn't something to be taught.I've found that in some cases, I get a little lost in my own head as to what to talk about next. I was talking to a girl at a party just a month ago, and she was telling me about how her chapter is involved with guide dogs. Not service dogs, but guide dogs. There were so many things I could've asked or brought up, but my brain was racing too much for me to make a final selection. I awkwardly had to walk away and find my own place in the party.There were so many times within the past year I thought I was the exception to the rule -- that I couldn't have meaningful relationships with others, and attributed it to my blindness. A lot of my friends go to the big, loud parties. It's far too overstimulating for my taste, and without seeing, you get nothing but temporary hearing loss. I beat myself up for the longest time because I wanted to hang out with people, and those parties gave me an excuse to hang out with them, because I was too nervous to ask to hang out one on one. After opening up to some college friends about it, they completely understood and expressed the same issues in their own lives (maybe not the blindness stuff, but the lack of being able to reach out and interact on a less small-talk level). A close friend of mine actually thought I didn't like her because I would rarely text her or not want to hang out. She went on to explain that she herself had issues with connecting with people, and didn't know how to approach the seemingly daunting task of asking people to hang out.If there were a piece of advice I'd give, it would be to just keep talking. Ask them how classes are going, what's new with them, if they did anything exciting recently -- just anything you can ask. I usually start with small talk, which is where it usually transforms into something meaningful. This isn't always the case, though. If you cast the line and they don't take the bate, you've done all you can do, and then it becomes an issue of that person not reciprocating. Socializing is such a tricky thing, and I'm still not all too confident in my abilities to have meaningful interactions/relationships with others, even those I encounter on a frequent basis.Believe me when I say this is all part of being human. The blindness doesn't help, but people in general have a hard time with engaging with others. URL: https://forum.audiogames.net/post/432454/#p432454 -- Audiogames-reflector mailing list Audiogames-reflector@sabahattin-gucukoglu.com https://sabahattin-gucukoglu.com/cgi-bin/mailman/listinfo/audiogames-reflector
Re: Socializing
Re: Socializing For me there are three states. There is state 1 which I experience most of the time, which is where people see "weird blind person" and either completely ignore me, or, on the occasion they're forced to interact with me they do so in a manner which maintains as much distance as possible. This is people's default setting and there really isn't a lot can do about it, especially since initiating contact in this state all comes through those stupid things like eye contact (something which blind people are frequently condemned to solitary confinement for not able to do). There is then state 2. This is the state where you actually have a person's attention, the person might be starting to actually recognise you as a human being and you have some control over the situation. This is the state where it pays to learn the art of conversation, of being able to understand another person's feelings via empathy and employ a few basic tricks of vocal tone, sentence structure and facial _expression_ to actually increase engagement. Then if your very, very! lucky you can get into state 3. This is the state where you've gone past someone seeing you just as a of the human species, and can actually move on to them seeing you as a person with interests, desires a sense of humour etc. This is the state where you might! actually be able to engage in some conversation about more than external factors, possibly , share jokes and generally get some sort of significant interaction which might lead to actually making a friend. The problem is, getting people as far to stage 3 takes a hell of a lot of work. You usually encounter people in stage 1, and most of the time that is where people stay. There is the rare (extremely rare), environment where people will begin at stage 2 or even stage 3 by default (as happened to me at university), but as I've got older, I'm increasingly aware of how few and far between those environments are. In most social environments people are firmly stuck at stage 1 and you might have to claw them out of it with a hanger. The further from stage 3 people are, the more work I find it to get them there, and the less success I have at actually managing it, the less inclined I am to try, particularly since where most people are lucky enough to be born into stage 2, and even 2.5 by default, most people don't see getting to stage 3 as quite as much an achievement so will generally just ignore it and bugger off. So, bottom line, socialising is possible in the right environment, there are! skills you can learn to converse and act, (people have even called me charming on occasion), however most of the time all learning those skills does is give you a slightly reduced chance of ending up sat in a corner doing nothing at any social gathering rather than it being inevitable, one reason why its wonderful to be married to your best friend and attend social gatherings with them, especially if your best friend has the advantage of being pretty and female and generally less jaded on the hole social contact thing than you are anyway, for all she often enough ends up in exactly the same place. URL: https://forum.audiogames.net/post/432452/#p432452 -- Audiogames-reflector mailing list Audiogames-reflector@sabahattin-gucukoglu.com https://sabahattin-gucukoglu.com/cgi-bin/mailman/listinfo/audiogames-reflector
Re: Socializing
Re: Socializing GIGO = Garbage in, Garbage out. Although, I am not implying that people are Garbage. URL: https://forum.audiogames.net/post/432444/#p432444 -- Audiogames-reflector mailing list Audiogames-reflector@sabahattin-gucukoglu.com https://sabahattin-gucukoglu.com/cgi-bin/mailman/listinfo/audiogames-reflector
Re: Socializing
Re: Socializing Uh? I understood none of that.. h? URL: https://forum.audiogames.net/post/432440/#p432440 -- Audiogames-reflector mailing list Audiogames-reflector@sabahattin-gucukoglu.com https://sabahattin-gucukoglu.com/cgi-bin/mailman/listinfo/audiogames-reflector
Re: Socializing
Re: Socializing What I'm banking on, yeah. It does have a weakness, in that you're more likely to find likable people if you have more people in the first place. IME, that's kinda weak, because GIGO. Filters, filters, filters. URL: https://forum.audiogames.net/post/432436/#p432436 -- Audiogames-reflector mailing list Audiogames-reflector@sabahattin-gucukoglu.com https://sabahattin-gucukoglu.com/cgi-bin/mailman/listinfo/audiogames-reflector
Re: Socializing
Re: Socializing You know, if you look at this as a blessing rather than a curse, imagine that bullshit types of people others have to get past to find the one good person in their life, or the few good people. Now, if we get blown off or scoffed at by the majority, but we get accepted / make friends with one or two, perhaps find our life mate, then we skipped past some bullshit other people had to muddle through. URL: https://forum.audiogames.net/post/432435/#p432435 -- Audiogames-reflector mailing list Audiogames-reflector@sabahattin-gucukoglu.com https://sabahattin-gucukoglu.com/cgi-bin/mailman/listinfo/audiogames-reflector
Re: Socializing
Re: Socializing Yeah, pretty much all of the above. Most people are not interesting in the slightest. Most conversations even less so. You have to be the Social Monarch Butterfly of Doom, these days. And that's terrible. URL: https://forum.audiogames.net/post/432425/#p432425 -- Audiogames-reflector mailing list Audiogames-reflector@sabahattin-gucukoglu.com https://sabahattin-gucukoglu.com/cgi-bin/mailman/listinfo/audiogames-reflector
Re: Socializing
Re: Socializing I really stopped trying in college. People never invited me to do things, so I stopped making much of an effort. Now, unless someone shows me they are genuinely interested in getting to know me, I have no reason to get beyond that professional boundary.It doesn't help either that there are very few people I have met who I can both relate to and respect as a person.as for tips, probably the best advice I can give is if it is something you want, put yourself in situations where there are people with whom to interact. Join a club, take a class, consistently show up somewhere, and eventually someone will take notice. URL: https://forum.audiogames.net/post/432422/#p432422 -- Audiogames-reflector mailing list Audiogames-reflector@sabahattin-gucukoglu.com https://sabahattin-gucukoglu.com/cgi-bin/mailman/listinfo/audiogames-reflector
Re: Socializing
Re: Socializing I really stopped trying in college. People never invited me to do things, so I stopped making much of an effort. Now, unless someone shows me they are genuinely interested in getting to know me, I have no reason to get beyond that professional boundary.It doesn't help either that there are very few people I have met who I can both relate to and respect as a person. URL: https://forum.audiogames.net/post/432422/#p432422 -- Audiogames-reflector mailing list Audiogames-reflector@sabahattin-gucukoglu.com https://sabahattin-gucukoglu.com/cgi-bin/mailman/listinfo/audiogames-reflector
Re: Socializing
Re: Socializing I can talk to people at school, but if we don’t hang outside school I don’t contact them much. So online friendships are much easier to manage, but I prefer in person friendships URL: https://forum.audiogames.net/post/432405/#p432405 -- Audiogames-reflector mailing list Audiogames-reflector@sabahattin-gucukoglu.com https://sabahattin-gucukoglu.com/cgi-bin/mailman/listinfo/audiogames-reflector
Re: Socializing
Re: Socializing I also trynot to do Smalltalk. I mean, smalltalk can be done with bots, and it's not a true human interaction IMO. URL: https://forum.audiogames.net/post/432386/#p432386 -- Audiogames-reflector mailing list Audiogames-reflector@sabahattin-gucukoglu.com https://sabahattin-gucukoglu.com/cgi-bin/mailman/listinfo/audiogames-reflector
Re: Socializing
Re: Socializing I get this way as well, to some extent. I don't care about many of the same things others seem to. I can make small talk and I apparently ice-break really well, but I quickly want to get past that and find out what you're all about, if I care at all. Some people find that offputting. I mean okay, I'm not going to ask really stupid-personal questions right off the hop, but if I talk to you out loud for more than an hour and it mostly consisted of the weather, sports teams or our favourite foods, it's probably not gonna draw me.The reality is that some people are built for this, and some aren't. You can train yourself to do it, but you can't ever train yourself to like it. That's my experience, anyway. URL: https://forum.audiogames.net/post/432356/#p432356 -- Audiogames-reflector mailing list Audiogames-reflector@sabahattin-gucukoglu.com https://sabahattin-gucukoglu.com/cgi-bin/mailman/listinfo/audiogames-reflector
Re: Socializing
Re: Socializing I don't really do small talk so I don't know. URL: https://forum.audiogames.net/post/432355/#p432355 -- Audiogames-reflector mailing list Audiogames-reflector@sabahattin-gucukoglu.com https://sabahattin-gucukoglu.com/cgi-bin/mailman/listinfo/audiogames-reflector
Re: Socializing
Re: Socializing Unfortunately, I can't offer any tips, as I'm largely in the same place. My school days weren't nearly as hard as what you wrote, but what you describe is pretty much what I go through with most people too. So you're not alone. URL: https://forum.audiogames.net/post/432349/#p432349 -- Audiogames-reflector mailing list Audiogames-reflector@sabahattin-gucukoglu.com https://sabahattin-gucukoglu.com/cgi-bin/mailman/listinfo/audiogames-reflector
Socializing
Socializing Hi all,So, I've left the subject of this topic a bit vague, because I'm not sure exactly what I'm going to end up touching on throughout this post. I've had the idea kicking around in my head for awhile to post a topic like this, but something in the recent "they don't like me because I'm blind..." topic finally gave me the courage to speak out.Ever since I can remember, I've been pretty selective about who I call friends. I know it has a lot to do with the way I was treated when I was little. I went to a small public school where small-mindedness tends to breed. Students and adults alike were uncomfortable with dealing with anything which was outside of their bubble, whether it was someone of a different race, or a blind kid. In any case, I quickly learned that nobody was on my side, or, at the very least, was willing to go to bat for me, not my parents, who told me to only focus on academics and not care about the rest, not the teachers or other staff, who didn't know how to interact with something outside of their comfort zone, and least of all, not the kids who took every chance they got to ridicule me, throw things at me during class, take my books so they could watch me scramble to try and find them for the fun of it, slam me into walls when we all went out for bathroom breaks, etc. I definitely got a huge chip on my shoulder after awhile, and turned away the few people who tried to be friends with me, but they, too, were proven to only feel sorry for me in the end, or I was just plain mean to them so as not to get hurt, which I fully admit. I'm not proud of it, but that's how it happened.As I got older, though, I started to realize that socializing was draining for the most part. In fact, I don't get the point of small talk at all, not least because the first question that the vast majority of people ask is, "So, what do you do?" And if you're unemployed, you have no choice but to say you don't do anything, which causes most people to just scoff and turn away, since we all know that Americans are defined by their employment. Beyond that, most people, in my experience, present themselves as brick walls. If I'm going to become invested in a person, I have to feel a pull towards them. Not physical or sexual attraction, mind you, although it can happen that way, but if I don't feel that high, that thirst for knowledge about the person and their life and who they really are, I just... can't engage. If it were a professional situation, you can bet I would keep a polite distance, but beyond that, if the interest isn't there, I can't force myself to do the right thing and keep in contact. The kids call that ghosting nowadays, I guess.So, I guess what I want to know is, does anyone else experience this? In short, I often feel lukewarm towards the majority of people I come across. Getting to know them feels more like a chore than a pleasure. And wow, getting to know people who I actually do feel that pull towards is amazing! But often, we can't choose who we interact with, and even if we can, I know my views aren't normal. So, does anyone have any tips as to how you get past this, and learn to at least ride the waves when it comes to small talk, and not just fade out on people you're beginning to get to know? URL: https://forum.audiogames.net/post/432343/#p432343 -- Audiogames-reflector mailing list Audiogames-reflector@sabahattin-gucukoglu.com https://sabahattin-gucukoglu.com/cgi-bin/mailman/listinfo/audiogames-reflector
