[lace-chat] humor
I think many of us can relate to this little story. Enjoy!!! Housework was a woman's job, but one evening, Jenny arrived home from work to find the children bathed, one load of laundry in the washer and another in the dryer. Dinner was on the stove, and the table set. She was astonished! It turns out that Ralph had read an article that said wives who work full-time and had to do their own housework were too tired to have sex. The night went well and the next day, she told her office friends all about it. We had a great dinner. Ralph even cleaned up. He helped the kids do their homework, folded all the laundry and put it away. I really enjoyed the evening. But what about afterward? asked her friends. Oh, that was perfect too. Ralph was too tired. God is good. Best Regards, Carol Melton Valley of the Sun, Phoenix, AZ USA To unsubscribe send email to [EMAIL PROTECTED] containing the line: unsubscribe lace-chat [EMAIL PROTECTED] For help, write to [EMAIL PROTECTED]
[lace-chat] email address please
If anyone has Jane Read's email address please contact me privately. Many thanks in advance. Best Regards, Carol Melton Valley of the Sun, Phoenix, AZ USA To unsubscribe send email to [EMAIL PROTECTED] containing the line: unsubscribe lace-chat [EMAIL PROTECTED] For help, write to [EMAIL PROTECTED]
[lace-chat] humor
A new to me bit of humorHope you enjoy Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out a box of tampons and proceeded to the checkout counter. The man at the counter asked the older boy, 'Son, how old are you?' 'Eight,' the boy replied. The man continued, 'Do you know what these are used for?' The boy replied, 'Not exactly, but they aren't for me. They're for him. He's my brother. He's four. We saw on TV that if you use these you would be able to swim and ride a bike. Right now, he can't do either one.' Best Regards, Carol Melton Valley of the Sun, Phoenix, AZ USA To unsubscribe send email to [EMAIL PROTECTED] containing the line: unsubscribe lace-chat [EMAIL PROTECTED] For help, write to [EMAIL PROTECTED]
[lace-chat] Slightly risque humor
I think this is a new one - at least it was new to me A crusty old Marine Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event hosted by a local liberal arts college. There was no shortage of extremely young idealistic ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the Sergeant Major for conversation. Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very serious man. Is something bothering you? Negative, ma'am. Just serious by nature. The young lady looked at his awards and decoration s and said, It looks like you have seen a lot of action. Yes, ma'am, a lot of action. The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, said, You know, you should lighten up a little. Relax and enjoy yourself. The Sergeant Major just stared at her in his serious manner. Finally the young lady said, You know, I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but when is the last time you had sex? 1955, ma'am. Well, there you are. You really need to chill out and quit taking everything so seriously! I mean no sex since 1955! She took his hand and led him to a private room where she proceeded to relax him several times. Afterwards, panting for breath, she leaned against his bare chest and said Wow, you sure didn't forget much since 1955. The Sergeant Major, glancing at his watch, said in his serious voice, I hope not, it's only 2130 now. (Don't ya love military time?!) Best Regards, Carol Melton Valley of the Sun Phoenix, AZ To unsubscribe send email to [EMAIL PROTECTED] containing the line: unsubscribe lace-chat [EMAIL PROTECTED] For help, write to [EMAIL PROTECTED]
Re: [lace-chat] Left or right brain?
Well that was just downright weird! It kept changing as I would look at it. Thanks for sharing the link. I am going to forward it to my artsy friends. In other right/left brain tests I score around 70 - 75 % right brained. My husband on the other hand, scores 98% left brained. When I get him into one of my art projects it is amazing what he does with his 2% though. By the way, being left or right handed has nothing to do with whether you are predominately left or right brained. There are many many wonderful artists who are right handed but are able to access the right side of their brain - the right side is the artsy side, the left side the logical side. If you are interested in the subject, Betty Edwards has written a couple of books on how to access the right side of the brain - Drawing On The Right Side of the Brain ( I and II editions) and Drawing on the Artist Within. Carol Melton Valley of the Sun Phoenix, To unsubscribe send email to [EMAIL PROTECTED] containing the line: unsubscribe lace-chat [EMAIL PROTECTED] For help, write to [EMAIL PROTECTED]
[lace-chat] humor - One upsmanship
I have not seen this bit of humor before. One evening a husband, thinking he was being funny, said to his wife Perhaps we should start washing your clothes in Slim Fast. Maybe it would take a few inches off of your butt!! His wife was not amused, and decided that she simply couldn't let such a comment go unrewarded. The next morning the husband took a pair of underwear out of his drawer. What the Hell is this?? he said to himself as a little dust cloud appeared when he shook them out. April, he hollered into the bathroom, Why did you put talcum powder in my underwear? She replied with a snicker... It's not talcum powder.. It's 'Miracle Grow'. Best Regards, Carol Melton Valley of the Sun Phoenix, AZ To unsubscribe send email to [EMAIL PROTECTED] containing the line: unsubscribe lace-chat [EMAIL PROTECTED] For help, write to [EMAIL PROTECTED]
[lace-chat] Dolly and the Queen - Humor
Dolly Parton and Queen Elizabeth went to the Pearly Gates on the same day. They both met with an Angel to find out if they would be admitted to Heaven. The angel said Unfortunately, there's only one space in Heaven today so I must decide which of one of you will be admitted. The Angel asked Dolly if there was some particular reason why she should go to Heaven. Dolly took off her top and said, Look at these,they're the most perfect breasts God ever created and I'm sure it will please God to be able to see them every day, for eternity. The Angel thanked Dolly, and asked Her Majesty, Queen Elizabeth the same question. The Queen walked over to a toilet, pulled the lever and flushes it without saying a word. Angel immediately said, OK, your Majesty, you may go into Heaven. Dolly was outraged and asked, What was that all about? I showed you two of God's own perfect creations and you turned me down. She simply flushed a commode and she got admitted to Heaven! Would you explain that to me?Sorry, Dolly, said the Angel, but even in Heaven, a royal flush beats a pair - no matter how big they are. Best Regards, Carol Melton Valley of the Sun Phoenix, AZ USA - where we are having a haboob right now. To unsubscribe send email to [EMAIL PROTECTED] containing the line: unsubscribe lace-chat [EMAIL PROTECTED] For help, write to [EMAIL PROTECTED]
[lace-chat] R - humor - New Apple Product
Apple announced today that it has developed a breast implant that can store and play music. The iTit will cost $499 or $599 depending on cup size. This has been hailed as a major breakthrough because women are always complaining about men staring at their breasts and not listening to them. Best Regards, Carol Melton Valley of the Sun, Phoenix, AZ I love my Mac To unsubscribe send email to [EMAIL PROTECTED] containing the line: unsubscribe lace-chat [EMAIL PROTECTED] For help, write to [EMAIL PROTECTED]
[lace-chat] Texas Humor
This was from my Texas SIL. Gabriel went to the Lord and said, I have to talk to you. We have some Texans up here who are causing problems... They're swinging on the Pearly Gates, my horn is missing, and they are wearing T-shirts instead of their robes; there's barbecue sauce and Picante sauce all over everything, especially their T-shirts; their dogs are riding in the chariots and chasing the sheep; they are wearing baseball caps and cowboy hats instead of their halos. They refuse to keep the stairway to Heaven clean, and their boots are marking and scuffing up the halls of Wisdom. There are watermelon seeds and tortilla chip crumbs all over the place. Some of them are walking around with just one wing; and they insist on bringing their horses with them. The Lord said, Texans are Texans, Gabriel. Heaven is home to all of my children. If you want to know about real problems, call the Devil. So, Gabriel calls the Devil who answers the phone and says, Hello---hold on a minute. When he returns to the phone the Devil says, O.K., I'm back. What can I do for you? Gabriel replied, I just want to know what kinds of problems you are having down there with the Texans. The Devil said, Hold on again. I need to check on something. After about five minutes the Devil returned to the phone and said. I'm back. Now what was the question? Gabriel said, What kind of problems are you having down there with the Texans? The Devil said, Man, I don't believe this ... hold on. This time the Devil was gone 15 minutes and when he returns he says, I'm sorry, Gabriel, I can't talk right now. Red Adair has put out the fire; and, Brown and Root is installing air conditioning. For those of you who do not know who Red Adair and Brown and Root are - Red Adair was an American oil field firefighter. He was a native Texan who put out fires in oil fields all over the world. Brown and Root is an American engineering and construction company, also native Texans. Best Regards, Carol Melton Valley of the Sun, Phoenix, AZ, USA Where we have had rain in the desert for several days now. Yea! Monsoon is here! Gotta watch out for the haboobs now though. The last one was over 2,000 feet high and 45 miles across. To unsubscribe send email to [EMAIL PROTECTED] containing the line: unsubscribe lace-chat [EMAIL PROTECTED] For help, write to [EMAIL PROTECTED]
Re: [lace-chat] help
Dear Lynn, I am so very sorry this has happened to your family. Please know I will be keeping you close to my heart and praying for the best possible outcome for your daughter. I hope she gets a new start at life. Hugs, Carol On Jul 25, 2007, at 12:56 PM, Melinda Weasenforth wrote: Hello all, I am going out on a limb here because I usually get reprimanded for anything that is spiritual. Five years ago I lost a son (27) to drugs, well this past Sunday night my youngest daughter took two handfuls of amiatripitilene and another handful of zeprexa, all over a man. Any way, if you believe help, if you don't she is starting to come out but is still very incoherent. So there it is, I know that if this is considered my third strike that I will be banned from this group. Thank you, Lynn. WV. To unsubscribe send email to [EMAIL PROTECTED] containing the line: unsubscribe lace-chat [EMAIL PROTECTED] For help, write to [EMAIL PROTECTED] To unsubscribe send email to [EMAIL PROTECTED] containing the line: unsubscribe lace-chat [EMAIL PROTECTED] For help, write to [EMAIL PROTECTED]
[lace-chat] humor
This one has been around before but it has been awhile.. Worth another chuckle. Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95- year-old grandmother and comfort her. When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning. Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 Years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble. Oh no, my dear, replied granny. Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured the best time to do it was when the Church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong. She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued, He'd still be alive if the ice cream truck hadn't come along. Best Regards, Carol Melton Valley of the Sun Phoenix, AZ USA To unsubscribe send email to [EMAIL PROTECTED] containing the line: unsubscribe lace-chat [EMAIL PROTECTED] For help, write to [EMAIL PROTECTED]
[lace-chat] vending machines - humor
I laughed until my sides hurt. I hope you enjoy too! A salesman checked into a futuristic motel. Realizing he needed a haircut before his meeting tomorrow, he called down to the desk clerk to ask if there was a barber on the premises. I'm afraid not, sir, the clerk told him apologetically, but down the hall from your room is a vending machine that should serve your purposes. Skeptical but intrigued, the salesman located the machine, inserted $15, and stuck his head into the opening, at which time the machine started to buzz and spin. Fifteen seconds later he pulled out his head and surveyed his reflection, which reflected the best haircut of his life. Two feet away was another machine with a sign that read, Manicures $20. Why not? he thought. He paid the money, inserted his hands into the slot, and the machine started to buzz and spin. Fifteen seconds later he pulled out his hands and they were perfectly manicured. The next machine had a sign that read, Machine provides a service men need when away from their wives, 50 Cents. He looked both ways, put fifty cents in the machine, unzipped his fly, and with some anticipation, stuck his 'friend' into the opening. When the machine started buzzing, he let out a shriek of agony and almost passed out. Fifteen seconds later it shut off. With trembling hands, he was able to withdraw his 'friend' which now had a button neatly sewn on the end! Best Regards, Carol Melton Phoenix, AZ USA To unsubscribe send email to [EMAIL PROTECTED] containing the line: unsubscribe lace-chat [EMAIL PROTECTED] For help, write to [EMAIL PROTECTED]
[lace-chat] risque humor
It is hard to find a joke today without a dirty word or two in it, but, here is one: Two tall trees, a birch and a beech, are growing in the woods. A small tree begins to grow between them, and the beech says to the birch, Is that a son of a beech or a son of a birch? The birch says he cannot tell. Just then a woodpecker lands on the sapling. The birch says, Woodpecker, you are a tree expert. Can you tell if that is a son of a beech or a son of a birch. The woodpecker takes a taste of the small tree. He replies, It is neither a son of a beech nor a son of a birch. It is, however, the best piece of ash I have ever put my pecker in. Carol Melton Phoenix, AZ, USa To unsubscribe send email to [EMAIL PROTECTED] containing the line: unsubscribe lace-chat [EMAIL PROTECTED] For help, write to [EMAIL PROTECTED]
[lace-chat] humor
Psychiatrist and the Proctologist Two doctors opened an office in a small town and put up a sign reading: Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones, Psychiatry and Proctology. The town council was not happy with the sign, so the doctors changed it to Hysterias and Posteriors. This was not acceptable either, so in an effort to satisfy the council, they changed the sign to Schizoids and Hemorrhoids. No go. Next, they tried Catatonics and High Colonics. Thumbs down again. Then came Manic Depressives and Anal Retentives. Still no good. Another attempt resulted in Minds and Behinds. Unacceptable again. So they tried Lost Souls and Butt Holes. No way. Analysis and Anal Cysts? Nope. Nuts and Butts? Uh uh. Freaks and Cheeks? Still no go Loons and Moons? Forget it. Almost at their wit's end, the docto rs finally came up with: Dr Smith and Dr. Jones, Odds and Ends. Everyone loved it! Best Regards, Carol Melton Way Out West of Phoenix, AZ USA To unsubscribe send email to [EMAIL PROTECTED] containing the line: unsubscribe lace-chat [EMAIL PROTECTED] For help, write to [EMAIL PROTECTED]
Re: [lace-chat] Re: Way to go
On Apr 19, 2007, at 10:56 PM, Tamara P Duvall wrote: On Apr 20, 2007, at 1:16, Carol Melton wrote: It's pretty hard to collapse from heat stroke when all you are doing is sitting around in your pink under shorts. I thought the point was they were chain-gang *working*? Did I get it wrong? They are not out chain gang working everyday. An when they are out on the chain gangs they may have on their pink shorts but they are covered up with the old fashioned black and white stripes that we think of when we think of someone in jail. And I don't remember seeing them after say 11 a.m. picking up trash along the road ways. We live near a farming area and during harvest you will see some prisoners picking produce in the fields. Early morning to lunch time. These aren't Sheriff Joe's prisoners though, these are state held prisoners. You might see them out at 5 a.m. but not during the major heat of the day. I presume the prisoners who are harvesting vegetables are paid something for their work - I have also heard that they can volunteer for the chain gangs - but if that is true I don't know. The guards are standing outside in the heat with their uniforms on. In the heat, packing the heat. Sorry, irresistible. That was a good one! :) They aren't stripped down to their shorts. And if they were, I'm sure their shorts wouldn't be pink :) Actually, stripping down is about the worst thing you can do in hight heat and strong sun. Very true. But the prisoners are sitting in their tents and they think it's a privilege. It seems that you either love Sheriff Joe or you hate him - there does not seem to be any middle ground. Well, I *am* kind-a in the middle in my judgement of him and his methods; didn't I say it clearly enough? I do wish, though, that some of the low-security criminals from DC -- Libby, Cunningham, Ney, Abramoff et al -- could be sent to Sheriff Joe for training too. They could, probably, learn something from such rehabilitation- through-honest-work-and-reconnecting-with-nature program instead of sitting, all day long,atching TV in AC'd villas, being deprived -- oh, horror! -- of e-communication with their stockbrokers... Lot's of people feel criminals should not be getting all those privileges you just mentioned which is what keeps Sheriff Joe in office. He's in his middle 70's now but you don't see much sign of him slowing down. -- Carol Melton Valley of the Sun Phoenix, AZ U.S.A. To unsubscribe send email to [EMAIL PROTECTED] containing the line: unsubscribe lace-chat [EMAIL PROTECTED] For help, write to [EMAIL PROTECTED]
[lace-chat] Re:The Cost of Water
Hi David, I just paid our last water bill and it was $49.64 for one month, including$3.26 for taxes. There are no other charges for trash pick up, ($48.00 every quarter, separate bill) or for sewage. We have a septic tank. Probably if we didn't water so many trees the water bill would be about 1/2 to 2/3 of what it is now. Best Regards, Carol Melton Valley of the Sun Phoenix, AZ U.S.A. Yesterday I received my 3 monthly bill for water and thought it would be most interesting to learn about the costs in other states and countries. My own usage was the lowest I've ever managed, for which I am pleased. However, in this Bill for $122, the actual charge for water volume used is only $4-29 - all the rest is charges for water connection and waste water access fee. So I am assuming that even if they double the cost of our water, which is in fact predicted, my bill would only increase by a further $4. I look forward to any interested replies about your won situations. David in Ballarat To unsubscribe send email to [EMAIL PROTECTED] containing the line: unsubscribe lace-chat [EMAIL PROTECTED] For help, write to [EMAIL PROTECTED]
[lace-chat] Exercise for older people
Subject: Exercise for older people UNIQUE EXERCISE FOR BUILDING MUSCLES IN OLDER PEOPLE Just came across this exercise suggested for older people, to build muscle strength in the arms and shoulders. It seems so easy, so I thought I'd pass it on to some of my friends. The article suggested doing it three days a week. Begin by standing on a comfortable surface, where you have plenty of room at each side. With a 5-lb potato sack in each hand, extend your arms straight out from your sides and hold them there as long as you can. Try to reach a full minute, then relax. Each day, you'll find that you can hold this position for just a bit longer. After a couple of weeks, move up to 10-lb potato sacks. Then try 50-lb potato sacks and then eventually try to get to where you can lift a 100-lb potato sack in each hand and hold your arm straight for more than a full minute. (I'm at this level) After you feel confident at that level, put a potato in each of the sacks. Best Regards, Carol Melton Valley of the Sun Phoenix, AZ U.S.A. To unsubscribe send email to [EMAIL PROTECTED] containing the line: unsubscribe lace-chat [EMAIL PROTECTED] For help, write to [EMAIL PROTECTED]
[lace-chat] Sheriff Joe
Dear Agnes, Just in case you get ask any questions about whether or not Sheriff Joe really does all of these things and said all of these things you can check him out at: http://www.snopes.com/crime/deserts/pink.asp You will find a couple of perhaps inaccuracies in the email. If the sound of green bologna bothers anyone - it is not moldy meat it is colored with food coloring. Sheriff Joe absolutely believes in upholding the law's of Maricopa County and the State of Arizona. Are their people who don't like Sheriff Joe - absolutely. And they are free to campaign and run against him. So far they have not prevailed when it comes time for the public to vote. We live not too far from a state minimum facility. Last year I see they put up tents for the inmates. Not long ago, they added some more. Apparently Sheriff Joe's idea has begun to spread. Best Regards, Carol Melton Valley of the Sun Phoenix, AZ U.S.A. To unsubscribe send email to [EMAIL PROTECTED] containing the line: unsubscribe lace-chat [EMAIL PROTECTED] For help, write to [EMAIL PROTECTED]
Re: [lace-chat] Re: Way to go
Dear Tamara, I'll venture to make a couple of rebuttal comments on your weenie liberal thoughts. :) I'll venture to make -- a weenie liberal -- one... :) Nor is any kind of educational program. WIthout education, chances are that those guys, once released, will go out and do the only thing they know how to do -- commit more crimes. The Sheriff has launched rehabilitative programs like “Hard Knocks High,” the only accredited high school under a Sheriff in an American jail, and ALPHA, an anti-substance-abuse program. 4) This has to be a minimum security prison. A tent city with nothing but barbed wire keeping the inmates separate from the rest of the world worked fine in the wilds of Siberia, where, if you escaped, you froze to death before you reached a community where you could do damage. The Sheriff's prison is out in Florence, AZ. If you look at a map, Florence is out in the middle of the desert, albeit that civilization is moving his way. It is not a couple of strands of barbed wire for a fence. There is a chain link fence maybe 15 or more feet high with the rolled razor wire around the top. Then there are the guards. Who have guns. 'nuff said on that one. If you want further information about the tents, you could write to Glen Campbell - the Rhinestone Cowboy - as he spent some time in Sheriff Joe's tent city awhile ago for DUI and making a real nuisance of himself. Glen served his time and then on the last day had a mini concert for the inmates because Sheriff Joe ask him if he would entertain them. I think Sheriff said to the press something like it's not like they are going to be going to any concerts any time soon. 5) The inmates have to be of certain age -- younger than what the army accepts currently. *One* middle-aged (not to mention elderly) inmate who drops dead from heat stroke, and the whole house of cards falls down. It's pretty hard to collapse from heat stroke when all you are doing is sitting around in your pink under shorts. Water is not denied them. The guards are standing outside in the heat with their uniforms on. They aren't stripped down to their shorts. Believe it or not there are people here who work outside all day long 5 days a week year round. It might be 115 deg F. or it might be 50 deg F. but they are outside and not collapsing of heat stroke in the summer. All you have to do is stay hydrated. I forget the names of the organizations that watch over humans abusing other humans. Sheriff Joe has never been brought up on charges by any of those organizations nor has he ever been in court because of his treatment of his prisoners. So, I guess it must not be illegal or inhumane because he has been doing it now since 1993. The Baseline Killer - Mark Goudeau - or the other two serial killers Dale Hausner and Samuel John Dieteman are NOT housed in tents. They are in regular jails with bars while they await trial. It seems that you either love Sheriff Joe or you hate him - there does not seem to be any middle ground. -- Tamara P Duvallhttp://t-n-lace.net/ Lexington, Virginia, USA (Formerly of Warsaw, Poland) Best Regards, Carol Melton Valley of the Sun Phoenix, AZ U.S.A. To unsubscribe send email to [EMAIL PROTECTED] containing the line: unsubscribe lace-chat [EMAIL PROTECTED] For help, write to [EMAIL PROTECTED]
[lace-chat] Silly Humor
A new to me version of a very old joke Blind Clerk at Wal-Mart A woman goes into Wal-Mart to buy a rod and reel for her grandson'sbirthday. She doesn't know which one to get so she just grabs one and goes over to the counter. A Wal-Mart associate is standing there wearing dark shades. She says, Excuse me, sir. Can you tell me anything about this rod and reel? He says, Ma'am, I'm completely blind but if you'll drop it on the counter, I can tell you everything you need to know about it from the sound it makes. She doesn't believe him but drops it on the counter anyway. He says, That's a six-foot Shakespeare graphite rod with a Zebco 404 reel and 10-LB. Test line. It's a good all around combination... and it's on sale this week for only $20.00. She says, It's amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it dropping on the counter. I'll take it! As she opens her purse, her credit card drops on the floor. Oh, that sounds like a Master Card, he says. She bends down to pick it up and accidentally breaks wind. At first she is really embarrassed, but then realizes there is no way the blind clerk could tell it was she who tooted. Being blind he wouldn't know that she was the only person around. The man rings up the sale and says, That'll be $34.50 please. The woman is totally confused by this and asks, Didn't you tell me it was on sale for $20.00? How did you get $34.50? He replies, Yes, Ma'am. The rod and reel is $20.00, but the Duck Call is $11.00 and the Catfish Bait is $3.50. Best Regards, Carol Melton Valley of the Sun where it rained today! More for tomorrow. Yea! Phoenix, AZ USA To unsubscribe send email to [EMAIL PROTECTED] containing the line: unsubscribe lace-chat [EMAIL PROTECTED] For help, write to [EMAIL PROTECTED]
[lace-chat] The Straggly Cat - more risque humor
There is getting even, and then there is gettin' EVEN! :) The Straggly Cat One December day we found an old straggly cat at our door. She was a sorry sight. Starving, dirty, smelled terrible, skinny and hair all matted down. We felt sorry for her, put her in a carrier and took her to the vet. We didn't know what to call her, so we named her Pussycat. The vet decided to keep her for a day or so. He said he would let us know when we could come and get her. My husband (the complainer) said, OK, but don't forget to wash her.she stinks. He reminded the vet that it was his WIFE (me) that wanted the dirty cat, not him. (My husband and my Vet don't see eye to eye.) The vet calls my husband 'El-Cheap-O', and my husband calls the vet 'El-Charge-O'. They love to hate each other and constantly 'snipe' at one another, with my husband getting in the last word on this particular occasion. The next day my husband had an appointment with his doctor, who is located in the same building, next door to the vet. The MD's waiting room was full of people waiting to see the doctor. A side door opened and the vet leaned in - he had obviously seen my husband arrive. He looked straight at my husband and in a loud voice said, Your wife's pussy doesn't stink anymore and it's finally clean and shaved, so she now smells like a rose. Oh, and, by the way, I think she's pregnant. God only knows who the father is! Then he closed the door. Now THAT, my friends, is getting even !! Best Regards, Carol Melton Valley of the Sun Phoenix, AZ U.S.A. To unsubscribe send email to [EMAIL PROTECTED] containing the line: unsubscribe lace-chat [EMAIL PROTECTED] For help, write to [EMAIL PROTECTED]
[lace-chat] Don't Tease Little Old Ladies
DON'T TEASE OLD LADIES Defense Attorney: Will you please state your age? Little Old Lady: I am 86 years old. Defense Attorney: Will you tell us, in your own words, what happened the night of April 1st? Little Old Lady: There I was, sitting there in my swing on my front porch on a warm spring evening, when a young man comes creeping up on the porch and sat down beside me. Defense Attorney: Did you know him? Little Old Lady: No, but he sure was friendly. Defense Attorney: What happened after he sat down? Little Old Lady: He started to rub my thigh. Defense Attorney: Did you stop him? Little Old Lady: No, I didn't stop him. Defense Attorney: Why not? Little Old Lady: It felt good. Nobody had done that since my Albert died some 30 years ago. Defense Attorney: What happened next? Little Old Lady: He began to rub my breasts. Defense Attorney: Did you stop him then? Little Old Lady: No, I did not stop him. Defense Attorney: Why not? Little Old Lady: His rubbing made me feel all alive and excited. I haven't felt that good in years! Defense Attorney: What happened next? Little Old Lady: Well, by then, I was feeling so spicy that I just laid down and told him Take me, young man. Take me now! Defense Attorney: Did he take you? Little Old Lady: Hell, no! He just yelled, April Fool! And that's when I shot him, the little bastard. Carol Melton Valley of the Sun where it was 96 deg today Phoenix, AZ USA To unsubscribe send email to [EMAIL PROTECTED] containing the line: unsubscribe lace-chat [EMAIL PROTECTED] For help, write to [EMAIL PROTECTED]
[lace-chat] Lace in Poland
DD sent this link to me, thought I would find it interesting. I found it interesting what lacemakers found as a new product for their lace. http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/17647419/ Carol Melton Valley of the Sun Where it might get to 100 deg F this weekend. What happened to spring? Phoenix, Az USA To unsubscribe send email to [EMAIL PROTECTED] containing the line: unsubscribe lace-chat [EMAIL PROTECTED] For help, write to [EMAIL PROTECTED]
[lace-chat] Janice's dessert recipe
Hi Janice, I made the chocolate dessert recipe yesterday as my daughter, her fiance and my son were coming for dinner last night. I served it with a scoop of raspberry sherbet. So delish It was quite a hit. I did change the wine to brandy though. Next time maybe I'll try Kaluaha. Thanks so much for sharing the recipe. Carol Melton Valley of the Sun Phoenix, AZ To unsubscribe send email to [EMAIL PROTECTED] containing the line: unsubscribe lace-chat [EMAIL PROTECTED] For help, write to [EMAIL PROTECTED]
[lace-chat] Butch the Rooster - humor
From my husband who got it from The Flying Pigs site -(ham radio). John the Farmer was in the fertilized egg business. He had several hundred young layers (hens), called pullets, and ten roosters, whose job it was to fertilize the eggs (for you city folks). The farmer kept records and any rooster that didn't perform went into the soup pot and was replaced. That took an awful lot of his time, so he bought a set of tiny bells and attached them to his roosters. Each bell had a different tone so John could tell from a distance, which rooster was performing. Now he could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report simply by listening to the bells. The farmer's favorite rooster was old Butch, and a very fine specimen he was, too. But on this particular morning John noticed old Butch's bell hadn't rung at all! John went to investigate. The other roosters were chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing. The pullets, hearing the roosters coming, would run for cover. But to Farmer John's amazement, old Butch had his bell in his beak, so it couldn't ring. He would sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on to the next one. John was so proud of old Butch, he entered him in the Renfrew County Fair and he became an overnight sensation among the judges. The result...The judges not only awarded old Butch the No Bell Piece Prize but they also awarded him the Pullet Surprise as well. Have a great day from sunny Phoenix, AZ U.S.A. Carol Melton Valley of the Sun Phoenix, AZ U.S.A. To unsubscribe send email to [EMAIL PROTECTED] containing the line: unsubscribe lace-chat [EMAIL PROTECTED] For help, write to [EMAIL PROTECTED]
[lace] Lace Buttons
I have lost track of which person originally requested information on lace buttons - my apologies. I have a book called 50 Heirloom Buttons to Make by Nancy Nehring. According to Amazaon.com it has 3 new or used books available for around $17.00 US. The book gives instructions to make Needlelace, Teneriffe, Darned Net, Braid, Knotted, Crocheted, Frog Closures, Fabric and Ribbon Buttons. There is instructions for both Dorset flat ring buttons as well as Dorset Knob buttons. A lot of pictures, the photography was done very well. Instructions seemed very clear to me. If you have any questions regarding the book please contact me privately. Best Regards, Carol Melton Valley of the Sun Phoenix, AZ U.S.A. - To unsubscribe send email to [EMAIL PROTECTED] containing the line: unsubscribe lace [EMAIL PROTECTED] For help, write to [EMAIL PROTECTED]
[lace-chat] joke
This is a new one for me - a little risque - came to us via a friend in Illinois and he got it from a friend in Germany. A man wakes up in hospital, bandaged from head to foot. The Dr comes in and says Ah I see you've regained consciousness. Now you most probably won't remember but you were in a pile-up on the motorway. You're going to be OK, you'll walk again and everything, but something happened. I'm trying to break this to you gently but your pen*s was chopped off in the wreck and we were unable to find it. The bloke groans a bit, but the Dr goes on But It's going to be alright, we have the technology now to build you a new one that will work as well as the old one did in fact.It doesn't come cheap though. It's a thousand pounds an inch The bloke perks up at this, even though it's very expensive. So the thing is the Dr says, It's for you to decide how many inches you want. It's something you'd better talk over with your wife, if you had a five inch one before and you decide to have a nine incher she might be put out. But if you had nine inch one before and you decide to invest in a five inch one this time she might be disappointed. So it's important to discuss it with her, as she will play a vital role in helping you to come to a decision The bloke agrees,so the Dr comes back to see him the next day. So says the Dr Have you spoken to your wife ? I have, says the bloke. Has she helped you to make a decision? She has, says the bloke. And what is it? asks the Dr. The bloke looks up and says... We're getting a new Kitchen. Best Regard, Carol Melton Valley of the Sun, where it has been in the 80's for the last few days Phoenix, AZ U.S.A. To unsubscribe send email to [EMAIL PROTECTED] containing the line: unsubscribe lace-chat [EMAIL PROTECTED] For help, write to [EMAIL PROTECTED]
[lace-chat] Confession
I couldn't resist passing this one on! Enjoy. CONFESSION An elderly man walks into a confessional. The following conversation ensues: Man: I am 92 years old, have a wonderful wife of 70 years, many children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren. Yesterday, I picked up two college girls, hitchhiking. We went to a motel, where I had sexwith each of them three times. Priest: Are you sorry for your sins? Man: What sins? Priest: What kind of a Catholic are you? Man: I'm Jewish. Priest: Why are you telling me all this? Man: I'm 92 years old ... I'm telling everybody. Carol Melton Valley of the Sun Phoenix, AZ To unsubscribe send email to [EMAIL PROTECTED] containing the line: unsubscribe lace-chat [EMAIL PROTECTED] For help, write to [EMAIL PROTECTED]
[lace-chat] humor
As a young minister, I was asked by a funeral director to hold a graveside service for a homeless man, with no family or friends. The funeral was to be held at a cemetery way back in the country, and this man would be the first to be laid to rest there. As I was not familiar with the backwoods area, I became lost! I did not stop for directions. When I finally arrived an hour late, I saw the backhoe and the crew, who were eating lunch, but the hearse was no where in sight. I apologized to the workers for my tardiness, and stepped to the side of the open grave, where I saw the vault lid already in place. I assured the workers I would not hold them up for long, but this was the proper thing to do. The workers gathered around, still eating their lunch. I poured out my heart and soul. As I preached the workers began to say Amen, Praise the Lord, and Glory. I preached, and I preached, like I'd never preached before: From Genesis all the way to Revelations. I closed The lengthy service with a prayer and walked to my car. As I was opening the door and taking off my coat, I overheard one of the workers saying to another, I ain't never seen anything like that before and I've been putting in septic tanks for twenty years. Carol Melton Valley of the Sun Phoenix, AZ USA To unsubscribe send email to [EMAIL PROTECTED] containing the line: unsubscribe lace-chat [EMAIL PROTECTED] For help, write to [EMAIL PROTECTED]
Re: [lace-chat] Genealogy and Copyright
you can pretty much do what ever you want to with your image. Keep in mind that a building might be open to the public but it isn't necessarily a building owned by the public. A word about your negatives, either film or digital. If you took the picture, you own the copyright. If you sell an image, you do not also sell the negative unless that is agreed to in the transaction. You may make as many copies of your negative in as many different sizes as you want to. You may choose to number them and only sell a certain number, such as 500 signed copies of an 11x16 size. then you can continue to sell that image as a different size, say 500 of 4x6. If you say it is a limited number of images being printed in various sizes, when you have reached your limit then you must retire the image. You may publish it in any form you choose, you may sell it, you may throw it away, you may archive it, what ever you want to do with it, you are the owner. Thanks in advance, As for any object that has a copyright owned by someone else, there is only one answer, get permission. If they don't give it to you, don't shoot the image. I hope this clarifies some instances when you can and cannot shoot photos as well as publish them or sell the images. If in doubt, always ask and get signed permission/waiver if there is any chance you will want to sell your image. There are always the what ifs to be ruminated on, but mostly if you follow the above, you should stay out of the court system because of selling an image. Helen (in rainy Vancouver, BC on the west coast of mainland Canada) Best Regards, Carol Melton Valley of the Sun Phoenix, AX USA To unsubscribe send email to [EMAIL PROTECTED] containing the line: unsubscribe lace-chat [EMAIL PROTECTED] For help, write to [EMAIL PROTECTED]
[lace-chat] Names and Legalities
This thread has been very interesting to read. Some years back I had cause to go to the courthouse and get a certified copy of by birth certificate. Paid my money and the lady comes back with the document. That is when I discovered that my middle name was Christian instead of Christina. I told the woman that there was a mistake, my middle name was not Christian. She went and got the book my birth was registered in and showed me. Yes, it probably was a mistake on the part of the person who wrote my name in THE BOOK but she couldn't make any changes. She gave me the necessary papers to fill out and send to the state of Illinois. I had to have my mother certify that indeed my middle name was Christina and in due course and the payment of $35.00 I received a new birth record from the state with the proper spelling and an official document explaining what was my name and what it is now and the reason for the change. I was assured THE BOOK had been corrected - at least at the state level... Who knows what it still says at the Winnebago County Registrars Office...Since I was the 7th generation from my mother's side with Christina someplace in the naming scheme, although my mother changed the first letter from a K to a C, I didn't wish to be Christian even if it is the male form of the name. My daughter became the 8th generation and I Americanized it to Christine and she in turn changed it to Chrisitin for her daughter. I believe it has stopped with my granddaughter as she has had two daughters and not included the name Christina or any of it's forms in her daughter's names. Says she's not having any more children. 2 girls, 3 boys - yes, I think that's enough too! Best Regards, Carol Melton Valley of the Sun - Phoenix, AZ U.S.A. To unsubscribe send email to [EMAIL PROTECTED] containing the line: unsubscribe lace-chat [EMAIL PROTECTED] For help, write to [EMAIL PROTECTED]
[lace-chat] humor
This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid. So, she decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart. While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to paint a couple of rooms in the house. The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets down to the task at hand. Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and smells the distinctive smell of paint. He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat. He notices that she is wearing a heavy parka and a leather jacket at the same time. He goes over and asks her if she is OK. She replies yes. He asks what she is doing and she replies that she wanted to prove to him that not all blonde women are dumb, and she wanted to do it, by painting the house. He then asks her why she has a parka over her leather jacket. She replied that she was reading the directions on the paint can and it said . . . You'll love this . . Yep... I know you will . . FOR BEST RESULTS, PUT ON TWO COATS Have a happy day! Carol Melton Valley of the Sun Phoenix, AZ U.S.A. To unsubscribe send email to [EMAIL PROTECTED] containing the line: unsubscribe lace-chat [EMAIL PROTECTED] For help, write to [EMAIL PROTECTED]
[lace-chat] The Tomato Garden
The Tomato Garden An old Italian man lived alone in the country. He wanted to dig his tomato garden but it was very hard work as the ground was hard. His only son, Vincenzo, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament. Dear Vincenzo, I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I am getting too old to be digging up a garden plot If you were here, my troubles would be over. I know you would dig the garden for me. Love, Papa A few days later he received a letter from his son. Dear Papa, I'd do anything for you Papa, except dig up that garden. That's where I buried the bodies. Love, Vinnie At 4 am the next morning, FBI and local police arrived and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left. The same day the old man received another letter from his son. Dear Papa, Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now. That's the best I could do under the circumstances. Love, Vinnie I hope you are all (at least those who are north of the equator) enjoying the bounties of summer Carol Melton Valley of the Sun, Phoenix, Arizona, U.S.A. To unsubscribe send email to [EMAIL PROTECTED] containing the line: unsubscribe lace-chat [EMAIL PROTECTED] For help, write to [EMAIL PROTECTED]
[lace-chat] Supermarket Sound
A little more humor.. Supermarket Surround Sound The new supermarket near our house has an automatic water mister to keep the produce fresh. Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain. When you approach the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and witness the scent of fresh hay. When you approach the egg case, you hear hens cluck and cackle and the air is filled with the pleasing aroma of bacon and eggs frying. The veggie department features the smell of fresh buttered corn. I don't buy Charmin there any more. Carol Melton Valley of the Sun, Phoenix, Arizona, U.S.A. To unsubscribe send email to [EMAIL PROTECTED] containing the line: unsubscribe lace-chat [EMAIL PROTECTED] For help, write to [EMAIL PROTECTED]
[lace-chat] Joke for the ladies
This one has been around for awhile, but a good laugh again. I was due for an appointment with the gynecologist later in the week.Early one morning, I received a call from the doctor's office to tell me that I had been rescheduled for that morning at 9:30 am. I had only just packed everyone off to ork and school, and it was already around 8:45 am. The trip to his office took about 35 minutes, so I didn't have any time to spare. As most women do, I like to take a little extra effort over hygiene when making such visits, but this time I wasn't going to be able to make the full effort. So, I rushed upstairs, threw off my pajamas, wet the washcloth that was sitting next to the sink, and gave myself a quick wash in that area to make sure I was at least presentable. I threw the washcloth in the clothes basket, donned some clothes, hopped in the car and raced to my appointment. I was in the waiting room for only a few minutes when I was called in. Knowing the procedure, as I'm sure you do, I hopped up on the table, looked over at the other side of the room and pretended that I as in Paris or some other place a million miles away. I was a little surprised when the doctor said,My, we have made an extra effort this morning, haven't we? I didn't respond. After the appointment, I heaved a sigh of relief and went home. The rest of the day was normal...Some shopping,cleaning, cooking,etc. After school when my 6 year old daughter was playing, she called out from the bathroom, Mommy, where's my washcloth? I told her to get another one from the cupboard. She replied,No,I need the one that was here by the sink, it had all my glitter and sparkles saved inside it. Best Regards, Carol Melton Valley of the Sun Phoenix, AZ USA Where it is monsoon season so it is stormy and humid (50%) and didn't even get to 90 deg F. today. A welcome relief after it was 118 deg F. and 7 % humidity twice last week and then was 116 for a couple of days. To unsubscribe send email to [EMAIL PROTECTED] containing the line: unsubscribe lace-chat [EMAIL PROTECTED] For help, write to [EMAIL PROTECTED]
[lace-chat] Computers Alone At Night
*Subject:* COMPUTERS ALONE AT NIGHT **Have you ever noticed when you use your computer first thing in the morning, the icons appear to be in a different place than when you left? Have you sensed that something goes on if you leave your computer on overnite? Well, when you go to bed at night and forget to shut down your computer, I think you ought to know what actually goes on. ** **For the first time, someone has “captured” what takes place after you leave the room…** Click on the link or copy and paste into your browser. ** http://www.xs4all.nl/~jvdkuyp/flash/see.htm To unsubscribe send email to [EMAIL PROTECTED] containing the line: unsubscribe lace-chat [EMAIL PROTECTED] For help, write to [EMAIL PROTECTED]
[lace-chat] embroidery tool and sewing machines
When my parents married in 1934 one of their first investments was a Singer sewing machine. There were instructions for machine embroidery which if I remember correctly consisted of putting your material in an embroidery hoop, taking off the foot of the machine, and carefully manipulating the hoop and running the needle up and down with the knee activator. I never did master that technique but I tried it a few times. There were some other attachments that hooked on the needle arm like the buttonholer. Todays machines move the needle back and forth, mother's machine moved the material back and forth while the needle went up and down. I bought a Singer in 1959 and made many clothes for myself and my children until 1974 when I purchased a Bernina. That was a wonderful machine, it made all kinds of embroidery stitches, even eyelet lace. I bought a Singer in 1987 and it is a piece of crap but it too makes many embroidery stitches. Still have it and sew very little so don't really need to buy a different one. Oh, by the way, my mother's Singer lasted her her entire life - She passed away in 1998 but she was still making her clothes on that machine until early 1997. The only purchased clothing she had was what someone else gave her for a present. Thanks for the memories! Carol Melton Phoenix, AZ U.S.A. To unsubscribe send email to [EMAIL PROTECTED] containing the line: unsubscribe lace-chat [EMAIL PROTECTED] For help, write to [EMAIL PROTECTED]
[lace-chat] Speaking of little old ladies...
A little old lady was walking down the street dragging two plastic garbage bags, one in each hand. One of the bags had a hole, and every once in a while a $20 bill flew out onto the pavement. A policeman noticed it, stopped her, and said Ma'am, there are $20 bills falling out of one of your plastic bags. Dang! said the little old lady. I'd better go back and see if I can still find some of them. Thanks for the warning! Well, now, not so fast said the cop. How did you get all that money? Did you steal them? Oh no, replied the little old lady. You see, my backyard goes all the way up to the edge of the parking lot of the football stadium. Each time there's a game, a lot of fans come and some of them pee in the bushes, and right into my flower beds! So everytime there is a game, I go and stand behind the bushes with a big hedge clipper, and each time someone sticks his thingie through the bushes, I'd say: '$20 or off it comes' . . . Hey, that's pretty good! laughed the cop. O.K., Ma'am, and more luck to you! But before you go, what's in the other bag? Well said the little old lady, not all of them pay up. . . Have a great day and don't mess with little old ladies! Carol Melton Valley of the Sun, Phoenix, AZ 100 deg F, 11% humidity, 100% of available sunshine To unsubscribe send email to [EMAIL PROTECTED] containing the line: unsubscribe lace-chat [EMAIL PROTECTED] For help, write to [EMAIL PROTECTED]
Re: [lace-chat] :-) Morality
Dear Jean, Considering this is a fast moving scenario in your hypothetical story, better go with whatever kind of film you have in your camera. If you don't, you will not only have lost the opportunity to save the life of the President of the United State but you just lost he shot as well. MIght as well have stayed in bed that morning. Regards, Carol Melton Valley of the Sun, Phoenix, AZ USA On Jun 6, 2006, at 11:03 AM, Jean Nathan wrote: This seems familiar, once I saw the punchline, but I'm not sure if we've seen this before or not. Still funny though. ..This test only has one question, but it's a very important one. By giving an honest answer, you will discover where you stand morally. No one else will know, so you won't be fooling anyone but yourself if you give anything but a truthful answer. The test features an unlikely, completely fictional situation in which you will have to make a decision. Remember, your answer needs to be honest, yet spontaneous. Please read slowly and thoughtfully,giving due consideration to each line Here's the situation: You are in Louisiana; New Orleans to be specific. There is chaos all around you caused by a hurricane with severe flooding. This is a flood of Biblical proportions. You are a photojournalist working for a major newspaper, and you're caught in the middle of this epic disaster. The situation is nearly hopeless. You're trying to shoot career-making photos. There are houses and people swirling around you, some disappearing under the water. Nature is unleashing all of its destructive fury. Suddenly you see a man floundering in the water. He is fighting for his life, trying not to be taken down with the debris. You move closer...somehow the man looks familiar. You suddenly realize who it is. It's George W. Bush, President of the United States!! At the same time you notice that the raging waters are about to take him under...forever. You have two options - you can save the life of G.W. Bush , or you can shoot a dramatic Pulitzer Prize-winning photo, documenting the death of one of the world's most powerful men. So here's the question, and please give an honest answer: .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. Would you select high-contrast color film, or would you go with the classic simplicity of black and white?.. Jean in Poole, Dorset, UK To unsubscribe send email to [EMAIL PROTECTED] containing the line: unsubscribe lace-chat [EMAIL PROTECTED] For help, write to [EMAIL PROTECTED] To unsubscribe send email to [EMAIL PROTECTED] containing the line: unsubscribe lace-chat [EMAIL PROTECTED] For help, write to [EMAIL PROTECTED]
[lace-chat] To those born in the 40's 50's and 60's
When the rationing in the States ended after WWII my mother's Ladies' Aide Society at the local Presbyterian church decided to reinstitute their once a month potluck luncheons. A date was decided on and invitations went out. Tablecloths and napkins lovingly freshened after laying for such a long time. The place marks and tables were set up in the basement of the church. Dishes, silverware, small bowls for candy and nuts were set out, just in cases somebody brought them. Babysitters were arranged for the afternoon. There was a shortage of hair appointments at the local beauty salon. At the appointed hour all 13 members of the Mary and Martha Society descended the church steps carrying their luncheon offerings. All 13 had a very special treat for their friends. Jello was back on the shelves of the store and all 13 ladies had made their very own special Jello salad. Each one was different. Over the years that luncheon was fondly remembered and discussed over and yet over again by the participants. Best Regards, Carol Melton Valley of the Sun, Phoenix, AZ USA To unsubscribe send email to [EMAIL PROTECTED] containing the line: unsubscribe lace-chat [EMAIL PROTECTED] For help, write to [EMAIL PROTECTED]
[lace-chat] The Supermarket
I haven't heard this one before... The Supermarket The new supermarket near our house has an automatic mister to keep the produce fresh. Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of a thunderstorm. When you approach the milk cases, you hear cows mooing. When you approach the egg case, you hear hens cackling. So far I have been too afraid to go down the toilet paper aisle. Carol Melton Valley of the Sun, Phoenix, Az U.S.A. To unsubscribe send email to [EMAIL PROTECTED] containing the line: unsubscribe lace-chat [EMAIL PROTECTED] For help, write to [EMAIL PROTECTED]
[lace] What is everybody up to?
Dear Jenny, When I make bobbins - I found that having my tools sharp was of primary importance. Depending on the kind of wood that was used I might sharpen the tools between making one bobbin and making another. Walnut for instance will dull a chisel much quicker than say tulipwood or kingwood which is fine grained but works up so beautifully. I have small tools suitable for making small things on a lathe. I found the bigger chisels too cumbersome for bobbins. Anyway I got myself a whetstone and learned to sharpen the tools according to their shape. Also, when you reach the point where bobbins usually break, step back, take a deep breath and when you step up to the lathe again, use a VERY light hand. Can't tell you how many bobbins I broke just because I was in a hurry to get it off the lathe. So many in fact I learned to repair many of them. As for what I have been doing, I finished my class in Adobe Illustrator at the local community college and turned in my final project and in lace, today, I finished a little heart with blue bells and stems from Bellon's latest book. I used a fine silk thread. Very pretty when done if I do say so myself. Blue variegated, light peach for the heart trail and of course pale green for the stems and leaves. Best Regards, Carol Melton Valley of the Sun, Phoenix, AZ, U.S.A. I bought a basic wood turning set of chisels and am starting to think I should have looked around for smaller ones to do the delicate bobbins with as I have too many bobbins snap on the lathe with my being too heavy handed with cumbersome tools :( All this is not counting the desire to learn how to make the spindle effect, or the wire inlay, or the bead effect or make a mother and babe or ... or. Still I am persevering and have come up with a style I tend to keep to - thanks to Neil Keats in Australia for his double head concept - now I just need to practice and practice getting the finished bobbin off the lathe properly and find some more books on turning small stuff. Jenny Brandis Brandis Computing Services PO Box 1525 Kununurra, - To unsubscribe send email to [EMAIL PROTECTED] containing the line: unsubscribe lace [EMAIL PROTECTED] For help, write to [EMAIL PROTECTED]
[lace-chat] Mayonnaise
Most people don't know that back in 1912. Hellmann's mayonnaise was manufactured in England. In fact, the Titanic was carrying 12,000 jars of the condiment scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico, which was to be the next port of call for the great ship after its stop in New York This would have been the largest single shipment delivered to Mexico. But as we know, the great ship did not make it to New York. The ship hit an iceberg and sank, and the cargo was forever lost.The people of Mexico, who were crazy about mayonnaise, and were eagerly awaiting its delivery; were disconsolate at the loss. Their anguish was so great, that they declared a National Day of Mourning, which they still observe to this day. The National Day of Mourning occurs each year on May 5th and is known, of course, as Sinko de Mayo Have a happy day! Carol Melton Valley of the Sun Phoenix, AZ U.S.A. To unsubscribe send email to [EMAIL PROTECTED] containing the line: unsubscribe lace-chat [EMAIL PROTECTED] For help, write to [EMAIL PROTECTED]
[lace-chat] An Old Groaner
Enjoy! A man is driving along a highway and sees a rabbit jump out across the middle of the road. He swerves to avoid hitting it, but unfortunately the rabbit jumps right in front of the car. The driver, a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulls over and gets out to see what has become of the rabbit. Much to his dismay, the rabbit is dead. The driver feels so awful that he begins to cry. A beautiful blonde woman driving down the highway sees a man crying on the side of the road and pulls over. She steps out of the car and asks the man what's wrong. I feel terrible! He explains, I accidentally hit this rabbit and killed it. The blonde says, Don't worry. She runs to her car and pulls out a spray can. She walks over to the limp, dead rabbit, bends down, and sprays the contents onto the rabbit. The rabbit jumps up, waves its paw at the two of them and hops off down the road. Ten feet away the rabbit stops, turns around and waves again, he hops down the road another 10 feet, turns and waves, hops another ten feet, turns and waves, and repeats this again and again and again, until he hops out of sight. The man is astonished. He runs over to the woman and demands, What is in that can? What did you spray on that rabbit? The woman turns the can around so that the man can read the label. It says... Are you ready for this?) (Are you sure?) (This is bad!) (It's definitely a Blonde Joke!) (You know you could just click off and not read the punch line) (You can still delete it) (You know you're gonna be sorry) (Last chance) (OK, here it is) Hair Spray - Restores life to dead hair and adds permanent wave. Happy Easter! Carol Melton Valley of the Sun Phoenix, Az - U.S.A. To unsubscribe send email to [EMAIL PROTECTED] containing the line: unsubscribe lace-chat [EMAIL PROTECTED] For help, write to [EMAIL PROTECTED]
[lace-chat] story
My brother who lives in Texas is recovering from hernia surgery. A friend sent him this story, with the added admonition Bob, Maybe you shouldn't wear your cowboy boots just yet, Bill. I just about got a hernia from laughing so hard after I read his message to my brother. By the way, DBro is recovering nicely. The testicles of a Texas midget hurt and ached almost all the time. The midget went to the doctor and told him about his problem. The doctor told him to drop his pants and he would have a look. The midget dropped his pants. The doctor stood him up onto the examining table, and started to examine him. The doc put one finger under his left testicle and told the Midget to turn his head and cough, the usual method to check for a hernia. Aha! mumbled the doc, and as he put his finger under the right testicle, he asked the midget to cough again. Aha! said the doctor once more, and reached for his surgical scissors. Snip-snip-snip-snip on the right side, then snip-snip-snip-snip on the left side. The midget was so scared he was afraid to look, but noted with amazement that the snipping did not hurt. The doctor then told the midget to walk around the examining room to see if his testicles still hurt. The midget was absolutely delighted as he walked around and discovered his boys were no longer aching. The doctor said, How does that feel now? The midget replied, Perfect Doc, and I didn't even feel it. What did you do? The doctor replied, I cut two inches off the top of your cowboy boots. Yours, Carol Melton Valley of the Sun Phoenix, AZ USA To unsubscribe send email to [EMAIL PROTECTED] containing the line: unsubscribe lace-chat [EMAIL PROTECTED] For help, write to [EMAIL PROTECTED]
[lace-chat] WD40
Dear Avital, WD-40 is a product that has many uses - see David's email - however - Wikipedia says - WD-40 is the trademark of a widely-used penetrating oil (cleaner, lubricant and anti-corrosive solution) developed in 1953 by Norm Larsen, then working for the Rocket Chemical Company. It stands for Water Displacement, 40th attempt (see below). Its first industrial use was by Convair, which used WD-40 to protect the outer skin of the Atlas missile from rust and corrosion. The product became commercially available on store shelves in San Diego in 1958. WD-40's name comes straight out of Norm Larsen's lab book. Larsen was attempting to concoct a formula to prevent corrosion a task which is done by displacing water. His persistence paid off when he perfected the formula on his 40th try. [1] At one time there was for sale in Mexico a similar product called WB-50 whose name apparently had no meaning other than to mark it as an alternative to WD-40. While its uses are many and varied, WD-40 should not be used as a general-purpose lubricant, as it dries out very quickly and collects dust. This can result in serious damage to machinery and equipment designed for use with heavy oils when they are lubricated with lightweight WD-40. Many handymen consider WD-40 and duct tape to be the two most important items in their toolbox. In The Duct Tape Guys' book WD-40, they proclaim Two rules get you through life: If it's stuck and it's not supposed to be, WD-40 it. If it's not stuck and it's supposed to be, duct tape it. It is especially helpful for taking apart metal objects (nuts and bolts) that have been exposed to the elements and are rusted together - such as ham radio antennas.. Best Regards, Carol Melton Valley of the Sun, Phoenix, AZ USA And can someone please tell me what WD-40 is? Best wishes, Avital Arachne Moderator To unsubscribe send email to [EMAIL PROTECTED] containing the line: unsubscribe lace-chat [EMAIL PROTECTED] For help, write to [EMAIL PROTECTED]
Re: [lace-chat] Why?
Dear Patricia, I have not seen a ruling on this thread so I am going to go ahead and make my statement. We may have come kicking and screaming into the WWII but come we did and at what a price. Think Flanders Fieldsand a lot of other places Americans are buried because they died defending another country's right to freedom. The next time you speak out, perhaps you should consider how many have paid the ultimate price (and not just Americans, but all peoples who have fought and died for freedom) for the privilege of you exercising your right to express your opinion. Patriotism is a good thing! Try exercising it yourself. And what better place to say Hurrah! Hurrah! Hurrah! for America and her service men and women than an International forum? What about it American Lacemakers - you have enough courage to square your shoulder, stand up and say ditto if not make a statement of your own. Before you decide check out this website for the funeral of one of American's fallen heros. He was the most American of us all. http://multimedia.rockymountainnews.com/slideshow/slideshow.cfm? type=DEFAULTID=012006lundstromNUM=1 I hope all you have to do is click on the link and it will take you to the site, if not, copy and paste into your browser. Now I am going to go back to bed with the miserable bug that has attacked me and is fixin' to spoil my weekend... Best Regards, Carol Melton Valley of the Sun Phoenix, AZ U.S.A On Mar 31, 2006, at 9:24 AM, [EMAIL PROTECTED] wrote: I'm going to stick my head above the parapet and ask the moderator to rule on patriotic outbursts on an international forum. I imagine we all love our respective countries but don't feel it neccessary to voice it in the context of this list. It is, after all, a form of political statement. As I understand from history the Japanese attacked Pearl Horbour and this was followed by a declaration of war against the USA by either Hitler or Mussolini or both. Therefore that country was dragged kicking and screaming into the conflict and didn't volunteer to come to the aid of England ( or the rest of the British Isles or an occupied Europe). But this kind of response is what results from earlier statements. Please. Alice. stick to lace, of which you are very knowledgeable, and less contentious subjects. Patricia in Wales To unsubscribe send email to [EMAIL PROTECTED] containing the line: unsubscribe lace-chat [EMAIL PROTECTED] For help, write to [EMAIL PROTECTED] To unsubscribe send email to [EMAIL PROTECTED] containing the line: unsubscribe lace-chat [EMAIL PROTECTED] For help, write to [EMAIL PROTECTED]
Re: [lace-chat] Why?
Dear David, You are correct that Flanders Field is WWI vintage. I should have said Normandy instead of Flanders. In whatever country, England, France, Belgium, and from what ever war they are still dead American Soldiers, buried overseas because they were fighting for someone else's freedoms. Australia has been one of America's staunchest allies. Your country's soldiers have served along side our soldiers for nearly 100 years - it is not that long now until it will be 100 years since WWI. We can never be grateful enough for all that you have given in the name of freedom for all. Best Regards, Carol Melton Valley On Mar 31, 2006, at 6:22 PM, David in Ballarat wrote: Dear Friends, We may have come kicking and screaming into the WWII but come we did and at what a price. Think Flanders Fields I'm not going to write another thing about wars after this, being a veteran myself. However, Flanders Fields was in fact World War 1, when Australia lost an entire generation of men - more than any other country. David in Ballarat To unsubscribe send email to [EMAIL PROTECTED] containing the line: unsubscribe lace-chat [EMAIL PROTECTED] For help, write to [EMAIL PROTECTED]
[lace-chat] One for the girls
The boss was complaining in our staff meeting the other day that he wasn't getting any respect. The next day, he showed up with a small sign that read: I'm the Boss! He then taped it to his office door. Later that day when he returned from lunch, he found that someone had taped a note to the sign that said: Your wife called, she wants her sign back! Carol Melton Valley of the Sun, Phoenix, AZ, U.S.A. Where it was a beautiful day in the desert. We had clouds and it sprinkled. To unsubscribe send email to [EMAIL PROTECTED] containing the line: unsubscribe lace-chat [EMAIL PROTECTED] For help, write to [EMAIL PROTECTED]
[lace-chat] 3 Thoughts and 10 Commandments
On Mar 22, 2006, at 8:48 PM, Tamara P Duvall wrote: Of the 3 thoughts only #2 is new to me... That is, it's new to me *as a joke*; it certainly has been the truth in US for the past 4 yrs :) And I adore the 10 Commandments joke, which came to me advertised as an equal opportunity offender :) The only regret I have about that one is that, being a dyed in the wool atheist, I don't know what the other 6 Commandments are, and *who else* could be offended in that single swipe... Surely, there's room for more racist statements??? g If you go to http://www.positiveatheism.org/crt/ whichcom.htm you will find a complete list of the Ten Commandments. Not only does it list the 10 commandments but lists the Protestant, the Catholic, and the Hebrew versions. Should be all the information you regret not having. Best Regards, Carol Melton Valley of the Sun, Az, USA To unsubscribe send email to [EMAIL PROTECTED] containing the line: unsubscribe lace-chat [EMAIL PROTECTED] For help, write to [EMAIL PROTECTED]
[lace-chat] Old Folks
HI Tamara, Well, here's my offering for Chat tonight. They were new to me, I hope new to others. Now to go back to my s'Gravenmoer and the 3rd chevron... A little old lady was running up and down the halls in a nursing home. As she walked, she would flip up the hem of her nightgown and say, Supersex She walked up to an elderly man in a wheelchair. Flipping her gown at him, she said, Supersex. He sat silently for a moment or two and finally answered, I'll take the soup. An elderly Floridian called 911 on her cell phone to report that her car has been broken into. She is hysterical as she explains her situation to the dispatcher: They've stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the brake pedal and even the accelerator! she cried. The dispatcher say, Stay calm, Maam, an officer is on the way. A few minutes later, the officer radios in. Disregard., He says. She got in the back-seat by mistake. Carol Melton Valley of the Sun, 140 days with no rain at Sky Harbor. (Scottsdale got poured on yesterday but nothing at the airiport) Saturday and Sunday hold a 60% chance! Whe! Arizona, USA To unsubscribe send email to [EMAIL PROTECTED] containing the line: unsubscribe lace-chat [EMAIL PROTECTED] For help, write to [EMAIL PROTECTED]
[lace] smoke smell
Dear Irene, A method I have used with some success for getting rid of smells is to put the offending object into a black plastic bag, a fair amount of coffee grounds (dry, not used) and seal the bag up and put in the sunshine for a number of days. For books it takes longer because you have to open the bag, ruffle the pages so they are loose and close up again and leave out in the sunshine for several more days. If you keep at it long enough it might work for you. I suppose it depends on how much the book means to you. Something else you might consider doing is taking the book to the photo copy store or scan it at home and print out what you want to use and put the book in a plastic bag and leave on the shelf. Carol Melton Litchfield Park, Arizona, USA Where there has been no measureable precipitation since October 18, 2005. There is currently a 30% chance of sprinkles this weekend. - To unsubscribe send email to [EMAIL PROTECTED] containing the line: unsubscribe lace [EMAIL PROTECTED] For help, write to [EMAIL PROTECTED]
[lace] 'sGravenmoer
Hello All, I am a little behind in reading my lace news so this is probably at the tail end of the discussion of 'sGravenmoer lace. On the weekend of Feb 17 - 19th, the Lacy Ladies of Arizona hosted a workshop with Susan Wenzel (Lacy Susan) teaching 'sGravenmoer. There were 10 ladies who took the workshop. We had it at my house which is on the very far west side of the valley. Lacemakers converged from all over the valley and one even came from Flagstaff. She had a long drive up the mountain Sunday evening! Everyone felt the workshop was very successful and we all agree Susan is a wonderful teacher. I don't know the technique of the half stitch well enough to quote how to do it right off the top of my head but I have finished my bookmark that we started in the workshop and it is beginning to come together in my head just how it is done. I think it is quite interesting how the pin is not closed until the next row worked and then it is not closed in the manner we have been taught. It takes a bit of looking at your lace while you are working it to begin to recognize how the threads lay on your pillow. I am fixing to wind some bobbins with colored thread (my first bookmark was in white and gold GoldRush) and try a new pattern. If any of your local guilds are thinking of having a workshop in s'Gravenmoer, do keep Lacy Susan in mind. Best Regards, Carol Melton Arizona, USA where we had a few sprinkles yesterday. Perhaps we have broken our no rain spell. We have gone since October 18, 2005 since we had measurable precipitation at Sky Harbor airport. That's where the official weather is sampled for the valley. - To unsubscribe send email to [EMAIL PROTECTED] containing the line: unsubscribe lace [EMAIL PROTECTED] For help, write to [EMAIL PROTECTED]
[lace-chat] A Valentines Gift
I decided I wanted to share the lovely poem that announced the Valentines gift that my Dear, Dear DH gave me for Valentines Day. I am such a lucky gal!. Collards is green, my dog's name is Blue and I'm so lucky to have a sweet thang like you. Yore hair is like cornsilk a-flapping in the breeze. Softer than Blue's and without all them fleas. You move like the bass, which excite me in May. You ain't got no scales but I luv you anyway. Yo're as satisfy'n as okry jist a-fry'n in the pan. Yo're as fragrant as snuff right out of the can. You have some'a yore teeth, for which I am proud; I hold my head high when we're in a crowd. On special occasions, when you shave under yore arms, well, I'm in hawg heaven, and awed by yore charms. Still them fellers at work, they all want to know, what I did to deserve such a purdy, young doe. Like a good roll of duct tape yo're there fer yore man, to patch up life's troubles and fix what you can. Yo're as cute as a junebug a-buzzin' overhead. You ain't mean like those far ants I found in my bed. Cut from the best cloth like a plaid flannel shirt, you spark up my life more than a fresh load of dirt. When you hold me real tight like a padded gunrack, my life is complete; Ain't nuttin' I lack. Yore complexion, it's perfection, like the best vinyl sidin'. despite all the years, yore age, it keeps hidin'. Me 'n' you's like a Moon Pie with a RC cold drank, we go together like a skunk goes with stank. Some men, they buy chocolate for Valentine's Day; They git it at Wal-Mart, it's romantic that way. Some men git roses on that special day from the cooler at Kroger. That's impressive, I say. Some men buy fine diamonds from a flea market booth. Diamonds are forever, they explain, suave and couth. But for this man, honey, these won't do. Cause yor'e too special, you sweet thang you. I got you a gift, without taste nor odor, more useful than diamonds... IT'S A NEW TROLL'N MOTOR!! Happy Valentines Day to all! Carol Melton Arizona, USA To unsubscribe send email to [EMAIL PROTECTED] containing the line: unsubscribe lace-chat [EMAIL PROTECTED] For help, write to [EMAIL PROTECTED]
[lace-chat] virtual lace-in
Hello Everyone, In trying to organize this rolling lace-in, rememeber the international date line runs north and south from east of New Zealand and west of Alaska. When it turned over Feb 2 at New Zealand in the United States it was still Feb 1 for a few more hours. This might account for some of the confusion as to when to start. Perhaps we should start and end at a particular hour GMT even though it is possible parts of the world will not be on the same calendar day. This sounds like a fun project and I plan on brining my pillow to the computer area on that particular day and join the fun! Best Regards, Carol Melton, who is off to the local community collage for a class in Illustrator. Valley of the Sun, Arizona, USA To unsubscribe send email to [EMAIL PROTECTED] containing the line: unsubscribe lace-chat [EMAIL PROTECTED] For help, write to [EMAIL PROTECTED]
[lace-chat] Tetanus shot
I have not read/heard this one before. I hope you all enjoy. This old man in his eighties got up and was putting on his coat. His wife says,Where are you going? He said, I'm going to the doctor. And she said, Are you sick? No he said, I'm going to get me some of those new Viagra pills. So his wife gets out of her rocker and puts on her coat. He said, Where are you going? She said, I'm going to the doctor too. He said, Why? She said, If you're going to start using that rusty old thing, I'm going to get a tetanus shot. Carol Melton Litchfield Park, AZ Where it is 65 Deg F. and so far today we are To unsubscribe send email to [EMAIL PROTECTED] containing the line: unsubscribe lace-chat [EMAIL PROTECTED] For help, write to [EMAIL PROTECTED]
[lace-chat] The Cat
THE CAT You don't have to own a cat to appreciate this one... A couple was dressed and ready to go out for the evening. They turned on a night light, turned the answering machine on the phone line, covered their pet parakeet and put the cat in the backyard. They phoned the local cab company and requested a taxi. The taxi arrived and the couple opened the front door to leave their house. The cat they had put out into the yard scoots back into the house. They don't want the cat shut in the house because she always tries to eat the bird. The wife goes out to the taxi while the husband goes inside to get the cat. The cat runs upstairs, the man in hot pursuit. Waiting in the cab, the wife doesn't want the driver to know the house will be empty for the night. She explains to the taxi driver that her husband will be out soon, He's just going upstairs to say good-bye to my mother. A few minutes later, the husband gets into the cab. Sorry I took so long, he says, as they drive away. Stupid bitch was hiding under the bed. Had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out! She tried to take off so I grabbed her by the neck. Then I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from scratching me. But it worked. I hauled her fat ass downstairs and threw her out into the back yard! The cabdriver hit a parked car... To unsubscribe send email to [EMAIL PROTECTED] containing the line: unsubscribe lace-chat [EMAIL PROTECTED] For help, write to [EMAIL PROTECTED]
[lace] Christmas Ornament
Hello Everyone, I received my lovely Christmas card and ornament from Sue Clothier in England. The hand made card depicted the three Wise Men and a whole sky full of stars. One of the stars is a beautiful needlelace star made from glittery thread. It is quite gorgeous hanging on our tree. Thank you Sue, I will treasure my ornament always. It is the only piece of needle lace that I have. Did you scan it or take a digital photo and send to Barbara? If not I will do it for you. I don't want anyone to miss seeing it. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! Carol Melton Litchfield Park, Arizona USA - To unsubscribe send email to [EMAIL PROTECTED] containing the line: unsubscribe lace [EMAIL PROTECTED] For help, write to [EMAIL PROTECTED]
[lace-chat] # 6
Hi Tamera, # 6 - molestation nursery It has correct spelling. I assume you know what molest means. Merry Christmas... Carol Melton Litchfield Park Arizona, USA To unsubscribe send email to [EMAIL PROTECTED] containing the line: unsubscribe lace-chat [EMAIL PROTECTED] For help, write to [EMAIL PROTECTED]
[lace-chat] # 6
Hi Tamera and all, Only excuse is it's 2 a.m. I should have gone to bed instead of reading more email. As for the real explanation of # 6 it really is naughty.but here goes gas heating becomes Gash eating... From that you can use your imagination Regards. Carol Melton Litchfield Park Arizona, USA To unsubscribe send email to [EMAIL PROTECTED] containing the line: unsubscribe lace-chat [EMAIL PROTECTED] For help, write to [EMAIL PROTECTED]
[lace-chat] Christmas story
A little holiday fun. Carol Melton Arizona, USA Subject: Christmas with Louise This is an article submitted to a 1999 Louisville Sentinel contest to find out who had the wildest Christmas dinners. This won first prize. ~Christmas With Louise~ As a joke, my brother used to hang a pair of panty hose over his fireplace before Christmas. He said all he wanted was for Santa to fill them. What they say about Santa checking the list twice must be true because every Christmas morning, although Jay's kids' stockings were overflowed, his poor pantyhose hung sadly empty. One year I decided to make his dream come true. I put on sunglasses and went in search of an inflatable love doll. They don't sell those things at Walmart. I had to go to an adult bookstore downtown. If you've never been in an X-rated store, don't go. You'll only confuse yourself. I was there an hour saying things like, What does this do? You're kidding me! Who would buy that? Finally, I made it to the inflatable doll section. I wanted to buy a standard, uncomplicated doll that could also substitute as a passenger in my truck so I could use the car pool lane during rush hour. Finding what I wanted was difficult. Love Dolls come in many different models. The top of the line, according to the side of the box, could do things I'd only seen in a book on animal husbandry. I settled for Lovable Louise. She was at the bottom of the price scale. To call Louise a doll took a huge leap of imagination. On Christmas Eve and with the help of an old bicycle pump, Louise came to life. My sister-in-law was in on the plan and let me in during the wee morning hours. Long after Santa had come and gone, I filled the dangling pantyhose with Louise's pliant legs and bottom. I also ate some cookies and drank what remained of a glass of milk on a nearby tray. I went home, and giggled for a couple of hours. The next morning my brother called to say that Santa had been to his house and left a present that had made him VERY happy but had left the dog confused. She would bark, start to walk away, then come back and bark some more. We all agreed that Louise should remain in her panty hose so the rest of the family could admire her when they came over for the traditional Christmas dinner. My grandmother noticed Louise the moment she walked in the door. What the hell is that? she asked. My brother quickly explained, It's a doll. Who would play with something like that? Granny snapped. I had several candidates in mind, but kept my mouth shut. Where are her clothes? Granny continued. Boy, that turkey sure smells nice Gran Jay said, to steer her into the dining room. But Granny was relentless. Why doesn't she have any teeth? Again, I could have answered, but why would I? It was Christmas and no one wanted to ride in the back of the ambulance saying, Hang on Granny, hang on! My grandfather, a delightful old man with poor eyesight, sidled up to me and said, Hey, who's the naked gal by the fireplace? I told him she was Jay's friend. A few minutes later I noticed Grandpa by the mantel, talking to Louise. Not just talking, but actually flirting. It was then that we realized this might be Grandpa's last Christmas at home. The dinner went well. We made the usual small talk about who had died, who was dying, and who should be killed, when suddenly Louise made a noise like my father in the bathroom in the morning. Then she lurched from the panty hose, flew around the room twice, and fell in a heap in front of the sofa. The cat screamed. I passed cranberry sauce through my nose, and Grandpa ran across the room, fell to his knees, and began administering mouth-to-mouth resuscitation. My brother fell back over his chair and wet his pants. Granny threw down her napkin, stomped out of the room, and sat in the car. It was indeed a Christmas to treasure and remember. Later in my brother's garage, we conducted a thorough examination to decide the cause of Louise's collapse. We discovered that Louise had suffered from a hot ember to the back of her right thigh. Fortunately, thanks to a wonder drug called duct tape, we restored her to perfect health! To unsubscribe send email to [EMAIL PROTECTED] containing the line: unsubscribe lace-chat [EMAIL PROTECTED] For help, write to [EMAIL PROTECTED]
[lace] Butterfly pattern
You wrote: From: JOAN WILSON [EMAIL PROTECTED] Subject: [lace] Milanese butterfly Hello spiders, I'm looking for a pattern for a butterfly in Milanese. Hopefully not to difficult:) Any ideas? Joan Louise Colgan has a lovely Milanese butterfly pattern. I did it a few years ago in purple, fuschia, blue and turquoise. Carol Melton Litchfield Park, AZ USA - To unsubscribe send email to [EMAIL PROTECTED] containing the line: unsubscribe lace [EMAIL PROTECTED] For help, write to [EMAIL PROTECTED]
[lace-chat] Diet
A funny to enjoy - from my nephew in North Carolina A woman asks her husband, Would you like some bacon and eggs? A slice of toast and maybe some grapefruit and coffee? she asks. He declines. Thanks for asking, but I'm not hungry right now. It's this Viagra, he says. It's really taken the edge off my appetite. At lunchtime she asked if he would like something. A bowl of soup, homemade muffins, or a cheese sandwich? she asks? He declines. The Viagra, he says, really trashes my desire for food. It's dinnertime, she asks if he wants anything to eat. Would you like a juicy steak and scrumptious apple pie? Or maybe a rotisserie chicken or tasty stir fry? He declines again. Naw, I'm still not hungry. Well, she says, would you mind letting me up? I'm starving. Carol Melton, Litchfield Park, AZ USA To unsubscribe send email to [EMAIL PROTECTED] containing the line: unsubscribe lace-chat [EMAIL PROTECTED] For help, write to [EMAIL PROTECTED]
[lace-chat] firetruck
Another bit of humor. A fire fighter is working on the engine outside the station when he notices a little girl next door in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the sides and a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle. The girl is wearing a fire fighter's helmet. The wagon is being pulled by her dog and her cat. The fire fighter walked over to take a closer look. That sure is a nice fire truck, the fire fighter says with admiration. Thanks the girl says. The firefighter looks a little closer and notices the girl has tied the wagon to her dog's collar and to the cat's testicles. Little Partner, the fire fighter says, I don't want to tell you how to run your rig, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat's collar too, I think you could go faster.The girl replies thoughtfully, You're probably right, but then I wouldn't have a siren. To unsubscribe send email to [EMAIL PROTECTED] containing the line: unsubscribe lace-chat [EMAIL PROTECTED] For help, write to [EMAIL PROTECTED]
[lace-chat] Re: poem
I like this one *much* better than the original... But, pretty please, may I wear some other colour? Purple just doesn't go with my spirit, much less my skin-tone :) Thanks! -- Tamara P Duvallhttp://t-n-lace.net/ Lexington, Virginia, USA (Formerly of Warsaw, Poland) Dear Tamara, You are welcome! I think you should wear whatever color you feel brings out your best qualities. Not everyone can wear bright colors successfully. Why not wear what flatters you. There certainly are enough choices. What color do you think works the best for you? One of the great things about sporting silver colored hair is the ability to wear purple and red and just about all of the jewel toned colors. I look great in purple, red, blue, turquoise, etcBefore I had silver colored hair, I was a dark red brunette - I looked better in the earth tones then - blue red made me look sallow, I wore red that was from the yellow side of the color wheel. Purple was just not in my closet. Yellow was perfect on a summer day - or a dark dreary winter day in February. I think the only color that carried over from the transition of brunette to silver was turquoise. Loved it then, have a lot in my closet now. Best Regards, Carol Melton Litchfield Park, AZ USA To unsubscribe send email to [EMAIL PROTECTED] containing the line: unsubscribe lace-chat [EMAIL PROTECTED] For help, write to [EMAIL PROTECTED]
[lace-chat] Katrina devastaion
Dear David, The devastation left in Katrina's wake stretches over 90,000 square miles (144,834 square kilometers) United Kingdom: 93,788 square miles (242,910 square kilometers) England: 50,356 square miles (130,423 square kilometers) New Orleans has a land area of 197 square miles. How big is Darwin? And did they have to contend with up to 25 feet of water all over everything? Did some of those in need of rescue shoot at their rescuers? Did they shoot at the helicopters? Did the bus drivers driving buses into Darwin to rescue people get hijacked and the busses stolen from them? That's what happened in New Orleans. Not to say that you all didn't do a marvelous job dealing with that disaster, but just how closely does it really compare to Katrina? Many people keep referring to New Orleans as if it was the only place devastated - do you realize that New Orleans is .2% - that is point two percent - of the total area of devastation? That leaves 89,803 square miles that had people and businesses family farms and everything else that New Orleans had. And no reports of any one shooting at rescuers or hijacking the buses that came to rescue them in Biloxi, Mississippi. Or any where else. What was in the minds of those people I don't know, and neither did Governor Blanco when she bemoaned their behavior at a news conference - that CNN played once as far as I saw. No repeating of that news clip over and over. The police refused to go out and try to rescue any more people - they were holed up trying to defend their stations. Those officers that lived through the hurricane anyway. You said - Yes that's right. But here in Australia you will find that it's the ordinary people who are on hand who time and time again seem to display an inordinate sense of morality, duty and care. They simply do not wait for the official folk but get stuck in immediately and get things moving in the right direction. Well, David, just who do you think was first on the scenes helping before the National Guards got there and are still there. Doctors, nurses, firemen, police officers, and people who just had muscle to use, willing to do anything, and yes the hams too, from all over the country went there.Do you really think elsewhere, besides New Orleans where you were liable to get shot for helping, - that no one was doing anything? The volunteers were spread out over the rest of the area which was as I said before, 89,803 Square Miles. Those that could went there. Those that couldn't, have helped in other ways - from donating goods, money, taking people into their homes, you name it has been done. Too bad the news media doesn't cover that aspect a little more fully. Best Regards, Carol Melton, Litchfield Park, AZ - USA To unsubscribe send email to [EMAIL PROTECTED] containing the line: unsubscribe lace-chat [EMAIL PROTECTED] For help, write to [EMAIL PROTECTED]
[lace-chat] Creepy crawlies
HI All, by way of introducing myself as this is my first email on Lace Chat. Name is Carol and I live on the far west side of the Phoenix Valley at the foot of the White Tank Mountains. Hello to my friends back in the western 'burbs of Chicago and Cherry Valley and Rockford, Il who are members of LACE. I have been lurking on Arachne Lace for several years, I never found anything I wanted to say but recently I signed up for Lace Chat. The thread about creepy things and gardening has sent me to the keyboard. Since we live in the desert most of my gardening is in container pots on the patio. Last Saturday morning we had a swarm of bees on the Texas Ebony tree out front. They came some time Friday during the day and left by 8:30 a.m. Saturday when I went out to get the paper. After getting the paper I went out on the patio in back to water my plants and was watering, watering, watering - did my hibiscus and about to started on my basil I looked down - to make sure I didn't get water all over the patio I guess, and there was a Mohave Rattlesnake curled up in my pot of basilMy legs had been about 4 inches from his head. Scared the daylights out of meI jumped back about 4 feet and then stood perfectly still.until I got myself together . Up shot was I called the fire department and they came and removed itWe pay for a subscription so if we have a fire they will come and put it out...They will also administer first aid while waiting for the helicopter and remove poisonous reptiles and such. So that's my creepy gardening story ewww... Tamara, the Epi-something is EpiPen - I used to carry one for bee stings. By the way I have followed your email on Lace and thanks for all the good advice that I have found useful when making lace. Best Regards to all, Carol Melton, Litchfield Park, AZ To unsubscribe send email to [EMAIL PROTECTED] containing the line: unsubscribe lace-chat [EMAIL PROTECTED] For help, write to [EMAIL PROTECTED]
[lace-chat] Creepy Crawlies
Hi Ricki, No, I don't know of any way to ward off snakesexcept keep your eyes open and your ears listening. He didn't rattle until the firemen got here. Last years excitement was a 6 foot Diamondback Rattler that was curled up on a black rock right next to where the faucet handle is out front and my husband reached down and turned on the water. He didn't get bit and only noticed it after he had removed his hand and was standing up straight again. If you are into snakes, that was a dandy specimen. Rattlesnakes and scorpions - eww yuk. Other than those guys we like living here, even when it was 119 earlier in July and we lost or electricity for about 18 hours. Then there is the crashing lightening and storms from monsoon. Still beats shoveling snow in Illinois. I haven't had to shovel any sunshine off the sidewalk yet. :) My God, Carol! You are fortunate you didn't get bit! I guess there is no way to ward off snakes, or even trap or bait them, is there? Well, off to work on photos...Lace is on the back burner again until I wade through several graphic arts projects. Carol, -at the foot of the White Tanks Mts. Phoenix, AZ To unsubscribe send email to [EMAIL PROTECTED] containing the line: unsubscribe lace-chat [EMAIL PROTECTED] For help, write to [EMAIL PROTECTED]
