Thank you for honouring us with your confidences. All of you :) Pooja, I am speechless at your pain and strength, and I just want to say that even if I'm only a stranger on the internet who finally got around to reading emails, I will hold space for you if you ever need to be weak. I am angry at our society that normalizes so much to sustain the patriarchy, and that has made it so verboten to discuss our traumas even with those who love us, to make us feel like we must preserve the fiction of marriage or all is well at the cost of our own mental health and peace.
Heather, my heart goes out to you and your daughter. So much loss. It is sobering to read these stories of such pain and grief. What a year it has been that we find ourselves needing to say well I've been lucky nothing truly horrible has happened to me! For myself, I spent time grieving the life I want but will likely never have, and finding joy in the life I do have. And, like Mohit, sitting and watching in horror as the state continued to consistently abuse those who need it the most. I felt so useless--what was the point of all my travel and education when all I could do was sit there and watch. But then I realised that actually witnessing what has been happening to us the world over, but especially in India this year, is important. So maybe I can be of use by holding it in my memory and not turning away to hide from it. I still struggle with touch starvation. As a single woman who lived alone through most of this, even though I was pretty touch starved in the pre lockdown world, I didn't realise how much worse it could get! I have a housemate now, but I need to remember how to seek out and accept touch. Even though it's what I need! I have a thread drift here around touch and how the modern world codifies it so strongly in only certain relationships, but I will just start a new one eh? Thanks for this thread Udhay. And hugs to all of us, because we need them, even if only virtual :) Cordially, Ameya Nagarajan (she/her) <http://www.linkedin.com/in/ameyann> On Thu, 29 Jul 2021 at 20:08, Mohit <[email protected]> wrote: > Pooja:I hope things go better for you here onwards. > Heather & others: so sorry to hear of your experiences. > Radhika: I loved reading your post (I hope it's ok to say that). It made me > feel sad, and heartbroken, and hopeful, all at once. I will read it again > for sure. > > I don't have a specific story to tell - rather, I do, but still don't have > the right resources to do so. > I spent the pandemic time locked up - at home - working 110+ hours a week > for months without end. There was a job to be done, and I had taken the > challenge not knowing this is how it would pan out, and I was loathe to > leave without getting it done. Ultimately, I succeeded, and felt...nothing! > I had burnt out for the second time in my life. > I did cook a bit for the kids, and wrote horrendous poetry. But I didn't > read, listen to music, sleep or do anything that counts as human, besides. > I lost friends to the pandemic, and family members, and then lost close > friends & my beloved aunt to other illnesses, and didn't have time to > grieve. > I watched horrified as homeless people walked across the country, the govt > cracked down on students & farmers, and the world went to hell in a basket. > And then I watched, powerless, as my kids battled a dark isolation they had > no part in bringing. > > I am mortified, ashamed, physically & mentally drained, and battling a > million demons all of my own making - hoping that some day they will move > on, and I will be whole again. Reading all of your experiences has helped a > lot keeping it all together. Thanks! > > Regards, > Mohit >
