On Fri, 23 Jul 2021 at 12:54, Pooja Sastry <pooja.sas...@gmail.com> wrote: > > Thankfully, I have been well and I am fortunate that I have lost no loved > ones in this time. > > However, I got divorced after four years in an abusive marriage, just > before the pandemic. Divorce and pandemic, for me, are intertwined. It > isn't the divorce itself, as you can probably imagine. It is what preceded > it, the enormity of which I am still making my way through. > > Drug abuse, almost being charged with the possession of restricted > psychotropics that I had no idea existed, emotional abuse, physical > assault, entirely avoidable financial insecurity via my ex-husband > repeatedly leaving jobs while his parents did everything in their power to > get me to leave mine (and eventually succeeded) - most of these flew under > the radar in my marriage. Each of these were explained away by the > pronouncements of "daughters-in-law have to adjust", "getting high once in > a way is OK", "nobody has job security these days", "wait for a while, > things will get better".
Reading this made me sad and angry, I sat for a while trying to sort out what to say as a response. Not responding wasn't an option -- I'd feel complicit in your abuse. You have much greater courage than I have -- not just being able to live through your experiences and fight your way out but also in opening up to a bunch of random internet people -- who might be as judgemental as the neighbourhood aunties. I can't hope to understand what you've gone through and how you feel about it. I feel helpless at the enormity of it. In general, this is how I respond to grief in other people -- I shrink away in fear of making things worse with the wrong words. But when I think back to a period of my own blackest grief, I realise that it was my clumsy friends who didn't understand who got me through it. They produced facile cliches but the spirit of deepest concern and sincerity. Somehow, knowing people cared helped. I hope things get better for you Pooja. I hope the people around can do a better job than I could in being there for you. *hugs* -- b
