Susan,
I don't know how anyone else feels, but I know what it is like to want it back. I am pregnant right now and I am going to be heading on strong once this baby is born. I miss it too much and I think what I miss is the euphoria that come with starvation. I miss not being able to feel the bed beneith you, or feeling as if you are floating around in space. I miss feeling humanless or lifeless, simply unable to sense emotion, touch, pain, and all the other things that come in life. I miss seeing bones and black circles under my eyes, I miss people starting at me, knowing something is worng. I miss exerting power over myself and showing myself that I can do anything I want.
I have done this for 21 years and I have yet to see my goal weights. I should grow up, being 26 now with a family but I can't give it up before I see those numbers staring back at me.
I know how you feel, and whatever you do I am behind you.
Alison
(Normal)
From: "futurebird" <[EMAIL PROTECTED]>
Reply-To: [EMAIL PROTECTED]
To: Multiple recipients of [EMAIL PROTECTED] <[EMAIL PROTECTED]>
Subject: [thin] (repost) - I don't want to eat....
Date: Thu, 14 Nov 2002 12:41:03 -0500
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wah wah wah call a wahbulance.....
I mean that's not big news, I guess. Of course I'm *hungry* but I don't want
to eat anymore. I miss it too much, I feel so bland and dull. It's like I've
lost touch of my dreams or something. I always think about how nice it would
be to be another person, well a person like me but sort of a quiet thin
(very thin) person who was sort-of --I dunno ?mystic???
Why is it always so vague? I mean do you guys have this *haunting* image of
what it would be like to be "thin enough" or whatever? I can't put my finger
on what it is. But, it's romantic: I get *nostalgia* when I think about the
days I spent at university hobbling around over winter break when everyone
was gone. Eating nothing but soup and not that much soup either. Fainting in
the big stone public library in downtown Pittsburgh and not being found for
hours since no one was in there the day before Christmas....
I'm like "ahhhh those were the days!"
what in the name of god is wrong with me????????????
Don't I know that I was miserable?
-Susan
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