Jim: I think the term is such a problem for people they equate "submission" with "being oppressed" or "being powerless" or "being abused." One of the great benefits of the feminist movement is that it has heightened our awareness of the power differences between men and women in all types of relationships. For many years women were truly considered second-class citizens (at best) or property (at worst). This dynamic unfortunately still exists in some marriages today. And equally unfortunately is the negative connotation of the word "submission" both in the ivory tower and in the real world.
I agree with you that submission is important in marriage, although I would emphasize the idea of mutual submission. If one (or both) partner is not willing to submit to the other, then a power differential will exist and one partner will most likely end up being oppressed to some degree. Mutual submission also occurs in the classrooms of effective teachers, I would suggest. Students certainly submit to the will of the teacher, but effective teachers will also learn to submit to the will of the students when it is in the best interest of some greater good (such as the learning environment). Sometimes students will ask me to reconsider an answer on a test question that I had marked wrong. If they produce a reasonable and sound argument, I do not mind giving them credit for the question. In my Human Growth and Development class this semester, I had scheduled a 5-year-old child to come to class so we could observe various developmental principles in action. This was the only child that I had planned to invite to the class, but the class response was very positive and they asked if it would be possible to have more "subjects" of different age groups come to class. It wasn't part of my initial plan, but I submitted to their request because it fostered a very positive learning experience. If I just insisted on doing things my way without regard for the opinions or attitudes of my students, then I would have missed out on a tremendous opportunity to help my students grow. Of course, in the cases I just mentioned my submission to the will of my students is based upon a particular educational philosophy that views the instructor and the students as co-creators of a learning environment. I think some professors can go too far along either end of the continuum. Some professors of a more totalitarian bent are unwilling to make any concessions or sacrifices for their students. Other professors allow the students too much flexibility in the classroom and don't assert themselves in situations that require assertion. There is a give-and-take in all healthy relationships. To me, that is what mutual submission is all about. Submissively yours, Rod ______________________________________________ Roderick D. Hetzel, Ph.D. Department of Psychology LeTourneau University Post Office Box 7001 2100 South Mobberly Avenue Longview, Texas 75607-7001 Office: Heath-Hardwick Hall 115 Phone: 903-233-3312 Fax: 903-233-3246 Email: [EMAIL PROTECTED] Homepage: http://www.letu.edu/people/rodhetzel -----Original Message----- From: James Guinee [mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED]] Sent: Friday, October 26, 2001 9:20 AM To: Teaching in the Psychological Sciences Subject: to submit Submit! Why is submit such a bad thing? Is it just something that culturally, psychologically, tends to produce a reflexive reaction that says "No way I submit to anything or anyone." Granted we may differ in the extent, degree, and to whom we do this to, but certainly we don't see submission as the beast itself? Do we? Isn't submission putting your own agenda aside for someone else's, whether for a moment, or for a certain amount of time? Isn't that part of healthy relationships? Is there something psychologically terrible that some see in the act of submission??? We submit all the time, don't we? When my government sends me a 1040, I submit to the law and complete it accurately. When the light turns red, I submit to the local authorities and stop. When my boss asks me for a report I submit to his leadership and do it. And don't couples mutually submit to each other, in some sense? Haven't you ever did something for your wife or husband, even if you didn't want to, for the greater good of the family? Isn't that part of the problem with marriages today - each person wants it his/her way, and wants a spouse that will bend and conform to his/her desires. I do a fair amount of marriage counseling, and see a lot of conflicted couples who refuse to submit to the greater good. Each wants the other one to grow up, to accede to their wishes, etc., but is often unwilling to respond in kind! Marriage is not just about finding the right person, it is being the right person. It is giving and loving and serving. Non-religious marriages may be more egalitarian, and therefore preferable, but isn't there mutual submission occurring there too? After all, the biggest change in my marriage was learning to submit to my wife's needs and desires, and she to mine. When my wife asks me to take the kids to the grocery store because she's had them all day I submit to her wishes for the greater good of the family. When my wife asks me to take the trash out every night because she simply doesn't want to, I submit to her request. I submit to my wife all the time, esp when I see her needs as greater in that situation than mine. Any time she goes through a period of unhappiness it may be partly due to my inability, perhaps unwillingness, to ascertain how to fulfill some of her needs. Certainly we're not haggling over submission itself, are we? I submit the world becomes a better place with more of this thang, not less. Jim ************************************************************************ Jim Guinee, Ph.D. Director of Training & Adjunct Professor President, Arkansas College Counselor Association University of Central Arkansas Counseling Center 313 Bernard Hall Conway, AR 72035 USA (501) 450-3138 (office) (501) 450-3248 (fax) "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent" -Eleanor Roosevelt ************************************************************************ ** --- You are currently subscribed to tips as: [EMAIL PROTECTED] To unsubscribe send a blank email to [EMAIL PROTECTED] --- You are currently subscribed to tips as: [EMAIL PROTECTED] To unsubscribe send a blank email to [EMAIL PROTECTED]
