With palms together,
  Good Morning Tonya,
  So many of our life's accomplishments go unnoticed or undervalued.  A son, a 
stable relationship, dealing with addiction demons: quite a list of 
accomplishments, I'd say. And you are only 35.
  Happy Birthday!
  I sense between your words that you want to somehow make things happen.  
Change this or that, banish the demons, and be blissfully happy in the process. 
We both know it really doesn't work that way, but I admire the thought.
  Humility to an excellent starting point. To be humble enough to ask Buddha is 
a true setting aside of self. Yet, we both know Buddha and we are one, so we 
are in a sense confrontiung ourselves with the prayer.The same, I believe, when 
we ask G-d or thank G-d: such things are a sort of communion with the way 
things are.
  It sounds like you are taking the steps that you need to take to be 
well...not get well...but be well. To get well suggests a wellness outside of 
our present condition. To be well is to be with what is there, nothing to walk 
away from, nothing to walk toward. 
  Thank you for sharing this moment aloing your way.
  Yours in the dharma,

Tonya Cruz <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> wrote:
  The following is an entry in my Zen Journey blog that I would like to share
with you all. I wrote this as part of my Birthday Cleansing Ritual.

Cleansing my soul 
Ok so it is January 6th my birthday was over 2 minutes ago. I turned 35 and
feel so damn depressed because I have not done anything with my life. My
biggest accomplishment is having a beautiful son and a stable relationship.
Tonight my brother grabbed the garbage can and said "just another year of
garbage" that really hurt me and has got me to thinking how f.... Up I have
made things for myself. I have been an alcoholic, a cocaine addict, a (b...)
and a lazy-ass. I make excuses for everything and pretend all is good when
it isn't. I am battling a cocaine demon that just feels like he is gonna win
this battle. I am trying to make peace with my self and put my issues in the
past. I feel like I have failed so many people, especially my mom.
As a Buddhist I should not cling to these feelings, but right now I can't
help it. My heart and soul are heavy with sadness and sorrow, full of
regrets and dismay. I don't know how to rid myself of the guilt, the pain,
the anger, and the regret. How do I forgive myself and let it go? 
I want to use all the experienceI I have gained as a stepping stone to a
better life. I hope that at 35 I can let the past go and send it away
forever. I can't look to a better tomorrow if I keep crying about yesterday.

Please, Lord Buddha I ask that you guide me on this new journey and help me
avoid the temptations that can mess things up for me.

Thanks for letting me share

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Current Book Discussion: Appreciate Your Life by Taizan Maezumi Roshi 


    Visit your group "Zen_Forum" on the web.
    To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
    Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo! Terms of Service. 



May All Beings Be Free From Suffering

So Daiho-roshi
On the web at http://www.daihoji.org/ and http://daihoji.blogspot.com/
Yahoo! Photos
 Ring in the New Year with Photo Calendars. Add photos, events, holidays, 

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

------------------------ Yahoo! Groups Sponsor --------------------~--> 
Join modern day disciples reach the disfigured and poor with hope and healing

Current Book Discussion: Appreciate Your Life by Taizan Maezumi Roshi 
Yahoo! Groups Links

<*> To visit your group on the web, go to:

<*> To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:

<*> Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to:

Reply via email to