Your advice to find a sangha is excellent, and I don't want anyone to misinterpret my problems as meaning your advice isn't good. Besides the health problems, I simply am not financially able to manage it. There is a Zen center in Ashland, but I can't afford the costs of maintaining a car, let alone the costs of driving over the mountain every morning to get to the center. I am able to get by quite well as far as personal needs go, because I own a mobile home on an owned lot, so don't have any rent to pay. My income from investments is a little less than $500 per month, and I am feeding some feral cats, but I still am living quite well. Cheap food can be turned into quite adequate meals. I can't maintain full heat in the winter, but by doing things like wearing heavy socks, I can manage that. So I don't need anything more physically.
This does give me full time to try to develop the skills and knowledge needed to become eventually a bodhisattva, and then a buddha, and thereby rescue many beings from suffering. So everything is quite perfect, although I do like to check myself from time to time with the opinions of others. I know that words aren't completely accurate. Words are a bit like fingers which can point towards the moon. Or fingers are like maps of a region. There are road maps, contour maps, vegetation maps, population maps, etc. and none of them is a fully accurate portrayal of the region in all its details. However, a map, a word, can tell one a little something. What I do with verbal material is try to find something inside my head which corresponds with an idea. That often corrects misinterpretations that I have at first. As far as your responsibilities go, my bodhisattva vows override them. The important thing is that I learn how to rescue them. If something you say causes a bit of difficulty for me by accident for awhile, that simply does not matter. I am not important. It is the beings who are suffering who are important. Anyway, I have tried all kinds of experiments with myself, and none of them has done lasting damage. So if there is anything you are afraid to tell me which would help me increase my skills towards becoming able to rescue other beings, do not hesitate to tell me. It is very unlikely that you would do me any damage. Even if you did, the risk is worth it -- because other beings are suffering so. And I am pretty certain that if you did happen to do some damage, as unlikely as that is, the teachers would step in and help me correct the damage. The worst would therefore be a little temporary discomfort, and that would be of no importance. Jim --- In [email protected], "billsmart" <BillSmart@...> wrote: > > Jim, > > Thanks for your candid response. > > First and foremost I agree with whomever previously posted that you should > try to find a 'sangha' (Zen Buddhist center) near you to get first-hand > instructions on how to sit zen meditation (zazen). That's the absolute best > way. > > Second and foremost even more, I am not a teacher of zen. I was at one > period in my life authorized by a Zen Buddhist Roshi ('authenticated' > teacher) to instruct people in the mechanics of zazen. I would feel > comfortable teaching you that, but you could also find that out online at > many different sites. However this would only teach you how to sit, but I > could not with good faith try to instruct you using any of the other teaching > techniques which have been developed to induce 'kensho' (a first glimpse of > Buddha Nature) or 'satori' (a more in depth and longer-lasting realization of > Buddha Nature). I use the term 'Buddha Nature' instead of the term > 'enlightenment' because that is the terminology my teachers used, and because > the term 'enlightenment' has been adopted by popular culture and overused so > much it is almost a useless term now. > > Now, IMO!!!... > > Of the three states you have described below I would say that #1 is the > closest to describing a realization of Buddha Nature. When you describe 'a > space without thoughts' that IMO is very close. I don't know if this 'space' > is very short (like just a second or so) between thought, or if it is a more > prolonged period (like a minute or more). Anyway, I would say if this 'space > without thoughts' is also without any sense of 'self' or any other concepts > then it is Buddha Nature, or at least very, very close. One thing I could > tell you is that although when you first realize Buddha Nature ('kensho')it > might be a very momentous and enthralling experience, Buddha Nature itself is > not anything exceptional. It is everyday life. It is the experience you > have when you bite into that lemon. If at that time there is only 'space > without thoughts' then there Just THIS! Only what you would describe later > as 'taste'. The whole world is Just TASTE! Nothing more. It's later that > you characterize the taste as sour or sweet, good or bad, and call it > 'lemon'. Buddha Nature is Just TASTE!, or what I call Just THIS! or Only > THIS!. > > I hope this helps, and I'm sure you will get other posts that may help too; > but the most helpful thing I could tell you would be to encourage you to find > a Zen Center near you and go for a beginning seminar. If you need help doing > that just ask in a post, or send me an email telling me generally where you > live. I have no special tools to search for something like this and would > just use Bing or Google, so if you're proficient or comfortable using those > tools you can do that yourself. > > Thanks again for your post and good luck... > > ...Bill! > > --- In [email protected], "jfnewell7" <jfnewell7@> wrote: > > > > Thank you for your thoughts. I think you are right, for after all, I am > > still being dualistic. The problem is that I can't find the lemon to bite > > into. > > > > For example, I have three kinds of "emptiness" meditations, but none of > > them could be correct because none of them enlighten me. Although they are > > incorrect, you asked about how I meditate, so I will briefly describe them. > > > > 1. Ordinary space. If I sit and don't think, there is a space without > > thoughts, relaxation, etc.. The space is a little like when I look at the > > sky. However, that hasn't enlightened me. > > > > 2. Then there is subtle space, which I discovered by trying to see what is > > behind my head. It is much subtler than ordinary space, not really so much > > seen as just sort of something I am aware of. Compared with it, ordinary > > space is coarse and heavy. > > > > 3. Then there is an emptiness I don't have control of, but it hasn't > > enlightened me. In it, I suddenly discovered that I shrunk to a point and > > disappeared, and am now re-expanding into my ordinary field of awareness. > > So it is a kind of discontinuity of consciousness - more than something > > like sleep. When it happens, there are unexpected ideas in my head when I > > have returned from the discontinuity. > > > > But none of those are right, because they didn't cause me to become > > enlightened. > > > > Jim > > > > --- In [email protected], "billsmart" <BillSmart@> wrote: > > > > > > Jim, > > > > > > Caveat: Everything I tell you is only my opinion. > > > > > > You've read a lot of books on what a lemon tastes like but now you need > > > to bite into the lemon and find out for yourself. The books can't do > > > that for you. They can encourage you and lead you up to that point, but > > > their usefulness ends there - and in fact I'd even say much of what > > > you've learned could be a hindrance to you in taking that final step. > > > > > > The taste of the lemon (and ONLY that)is what I call Buddha Nature, and > > > it is non-dualistic (no taster/lemon distintion - no subject/object). It > > > is what I often call 'Just THIS!' When experienced it has no name, no > > > description - it is Just THIS! Later we put names on it and give it a > > > description - but then it is not the thing itself (Just THIS!), it is our > > > description of it. It is what all the books you have read are trying to > > > do. > > > > > > IMO the image you described below as called "mental-integration-itself" > > > is illusory - samsara. As soon as you become aware of it as something > > > that seems to be an "...image inside my head, I can see all parts of the > > > image simultaneously because something in me is integrating the parts of > > > the image in some way." What you are describing here is still dualistic > > > - there is a you, you have a head, your head has an inside, this image is > > > located there, the image has parts, etc... > > > > > > The second description starts to move a little farther away from dualism: > > > "In a way, this transparent mental-integration-itself seems to be in > > > front of the image. I then de-emphasize the image so it slips partly from > > > awareness, while becoming more aware of the clear empty > > > mental-integration-itself." A lot would depend on just what you meant by > > > the phrase "clear empty mental-integration-itself." If you are still > > > clinging to a dualistic view of this, something like, 'I am sitting, and > > > I experience an image, and that image has parts and then another image > > > appears that I call the 'mental-integration' of that first image, and > > > then the first image disappears from my awareness (or at least recedes > > > into the background)- and this new image is EMPTY'.' I'd have to again > > > ask, what do you mean by 'empty'? > > > > > > If you mean this new image that you are now aware of that exists inside > > > you has no form, that's one thing. If you mean 'all is empty', no me, no > > > image, Just EMPTINESS!, then that is another thing entirely. > > > > > > Again, all this is just IMO. > > > > > > Before I could really offer you any advice I'd have to know what you mean > > > by 'mediation'. How do you do about that? If you could explain that a > > > little more it would help. Here's an example of how I sit (zazen): > > > > > > I start sitting by counting my breathes, then following my breathes and > > > then I drop the following and there is Just THIS!. In Japanese this is > > > called 'shikantaza' which literally means 'just sit' or is sometimes > > > translated as 'no mind'. What I do NOT do is try to visualize anything or > > > think of anything (like a 'safe place' or a mantra), although I know > > > these are styles of meditation. > > > > > > Thanks, and WELCOME TO THE ZEN FORUM! > > > > > > ...Bill! > > > > > > > > > --- In [email protected], "jfnewell7" <jfnewell7@> wrote: > > > > > > > > I need some practice advice. In my meditation, I have become aware of > > > > something I will call "mental-integration-itself" although those words > > > > are only an approximation. I will therefore report some background and > > > > details, below, to see if I can get this across. What I need is advice > > > > on whether or not mental-integration-itself is enough on the path that > > > > I should spend a lot of time noticing it. Also, of course, if anyone > > > > sees a way I can improve on the mental-integration-itself awareness I > > > > have so far, I would be grateful. > > > > > > > > Both Dzogchen and Zen say that somehow, satori and samsara are the > > > > same. I have tried for years to understand what that would feel like. > > > > Here are a several examples from a vast number of comments: > > > > > > > > Cleary, Thomas, trans. (2002) SECRETS OF THE BLUE CLIFF RECORD, ZEN > > > > COMMENTS BY HAKUIN AND TENKEI, Boston& London: Shambhala > > > > > > > > Page 76, "If potential does not leave a static position, it falls into > > > > a sea of poison ... > > > > > > > > "[Hakuin] The entirety of this introduction applies to the example. > > > > `Potential' is what appears before being expressed in words; the > > > > `static position' is the cave of satori... > > > > > > > > "[Tenkei] If you realize an awakening but do not eliminate leaking of > > > > views, you stick to the absolute stasis of transcendence in the realm > > > > of satori, which is to `fall into a sea of poison' ... " > > > > > > > > Rabjam, Longchen, Richard Barron, trans., Padma Translation Committee > > > > (2001) THE PRECIOUS TREASURY OF THE BASIC SPACE OF PHENOMENA, Junction > > > > City" Padma Publishing. > > > > > > > > Page 7, "However things appear or sound, within the vast realm of > > > > basic space they do not stray from the spontaneous equalness as > > > > dharmakaya, awakened mind... > > > > > > > > Page 15, "On this infinite foundation, extending everywhere > > > > impartially, the stronghold of awakened mind does not distinguish > > > > between samsara and nirvana..." > > > > > > > > Norbu, Chogyal Namkhui, Adriano Clemente, and Andrew Lukianowicz (1999) > > > > THE SUPREME SOURCE, THE KUNJED GYALPO, THE FUNDAMENTAL TANTRA OF > > > > DZOGCHEN SEMDE, Ithaca: Snow Lion Publications > > > > > > > > Page 150, "I am the essence of all phenomena; nothing exists that is > > > > not my essence. The teachers of the three dimensions {I'm unclear about > > > > what "dimensions" means here, Jim} are my essence. The Buddhas of the > > > > three times are my essence. The four types of yogins are my essence. > > > > The three worlds, of desire, of form, and without form, too, are my > > > > manifestations. The five great elements are my essence. The six classes > > > > of beings are my essence. All the habitats and the beings living > > > > therein are my essence. Nothing exists that is not my essence because I > > > > am the universal root: there is nothing that is not contained in me ..." > > > > > > > > OK. Now when I am meditating while there is an image inside my head, I > > > > can see all parts of the image simultaneously because something in me > > > > is integrating the parts of the image in some way. If I try to see this > > > > mental-integration-itself, the mental-integration-itself is like > > > > transparent space yet active. I can barely detect this transparent and > > > > it doesn't look like any of the shapes or colors of the image. In a > > > > way, this transparent mental-integration-itself seems to be in front of > > > > the image. I then de-emphasize the image so it slips partly from > > > > awareness, while becoming more aware of the clear empty > > > > mental-integration-itself. > > > > > > > > Intellectually, the mental-integration itself which I experience isn't > > > > any of the shapes or colors, yet it connects all the shapes and colors > > > > together. So it has a little bit of form, from the connecting, plus it > > > > is empty. Does the fact that it looks like it fits Buddhist definitions > > > > mean that what I am experiencing actually does fit those definitions? > > > > Therefore, would it be right to continue to become aware of the > > > > mental-integration-itself with all kinds of perceptions, experiences, > > > > and situations? > > > > > > > > So that I what I need some advice on. > > > > > > > > Jim > > > > > > > > > > ------------------------------------ Current Book Discussion: any Zen book that you recently have read or are reading! Talk about it today!Yahoo! Groups Links <*> To visit your group on the web, go to: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Zen_Forum/ <*> Your email settings: Individual Email | Traditional <*> To change settings online go to: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Zen_Forum/join (Yahoo! ID required) <*> To change settings via email: [email protected] [email protected] <*> To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to: [email protected] <*> Your use of Yahoo! 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